Me & Music

My choice of music is gospel (old school) and jazz. However I can listen to most anything for a minute or two. I was driving home last week and heard this song and thought about Mista.

So I used this app on my phone, called Shazam, to see who it was. I just went to YouTube and watched the video and I think I like it. Now I need to go and find the lyrics. That’s how I determine if I really like a song, by the lyrics.

I love the voice of the singers. I loved the way they danced together and when he took HER glasses off it did something to me. I had never heard of Skip, the male singer but I’m familiar with the Marley family. Their voice is perpetual. Love it. Check out the song here, https://youtu.be/p4jZKM5Y6-0

Yes I believe I like this song!

I think I’ll buy me a turntable. A record player. I keep seeing them at Urban Outfitter. I wanted to buy it for someone else and didn’t so perhaps I’ll buy me one. Dance with myself in my bedroom. Hmmmmm, yeah I like the sound of that.

To be honest

This is my sentiment totally. How do you love and or care about a person twenty plus years and just cut it off like it’s a light switch? That sounds silly to me. And why torture yourself pretending like the thrill is gone. Or like instantly or over night you don’t care any more. I just don’t believe that’s being honest. However I do agree, when a person wants their space that you have to give it to them. So in that case you have to just move on. I believe one knows in their heart when they must let go. After one has exhausted all their options there is nothing else to do but move on. Regardless to how painful it is. I saw this and said to myself, “my Lord, how fitting for me.” Discipline. Something I should know about.

LOVE

My Love

I’m notorious for going to my note pad on my phone and writing a message. Just last week I penned one and I’m so glad I didn’t send it. I had begun to apologize for being me. How dumb is that? Well I just saw this message on Instagram and it like slap me right in the face. I’m not apologizing for the way I love. If you’re too foolish to receive it, it’s your problem not mine. Authentically ME!

2020 Message

Happy Sabbath

Good morning, I’m so blessed to see another Saturday that I’ve never seen before. Yesterday I didn’t leave the house. I had no strength nor energy. Today is suppose to be beautiful but I’m going to cover up good and get out the house. I have some errands to run before my procedure on Monday.

I stayed up and watched Serena Williams win her 14th Fed Cup Single match. The girl is something else. She can pull a win off at any given moment but I must admit she doesn’t look the Serena of old. The Serena I traveled the world to watch play this beautiful sport. Nevertheless, I’m still hopeful that she’ll be back this year.

This morning I woke up and as I let my puppies out I said a little prayer just thanking Jesus for my life journeys. Thanking him for my ups and downs. The good and the bad. I apologized for the rut I sunk into on yesterday. I asked for forgiveness and I prayed for my sisters that I know go through so much wanting love from people that will never give it to them either because they can’t or they won’t. I felt a weight lift up off me. I felt refreshed. I felt a sense of peace. My face has been feeling so heavy but I felt light headed after my prayer. That’s probably not good. But when your head has felt like cement has been on it, that feeling was a relief.

Yesterday I was reading a blog post on here were a guy wrote about the difference between men and woman after having sex. He spoke of how men afterwards don’t want to talk and that women do. He mention that women wanted to get “mushy” and he said men just want to lay there and wonder if they did the ultimate. I’m paraphrasing here too. It just made me think how society still today, myself included, accept the stereotype of “most” men as law. I’ve heard my entire life that a “man gone be a man” and if that’s the law. The loaded law at that then how come we as a society can’t accept that “a woman will be a woman”? Like the things that are normal for women. Such things as wanting to be loved, wanting to be protected and provided for. Wanting to feel safe. If we want to be provided for we are gold diggers. If we want to be loved then we’re needy. Not sure if this is just in the black community or not. I’ve never dated nor married outside of my community. These are things that I’ve heard within my community. Men don’t talk much. Well women do. Men don’t like to shop. Well women do. I find this men don’t like to shop stuff a lie. Men don’t like to shop for panties and bras. For dresses. But men love to shop for recreational stuff. I have a friend guy that works hard and just sit around the and think of things to buy. I mean big dollar purchases too. The truth is, yes men and women are wired differently. However the truth also is that we’re both human. We both were created in love and to love and IF we both simply remove the selfish component from our lives I believe there would be happier men and women relationships. I just don’t believe that we as people were created to live alone. So many have to a accept being alone as reality unless they accept the games. The lies. The “I don’t need nobody”, the instability of emotions. Nowadays I believe men have become just as emotional as women. The only difference is men won’t talk about it. They’ll close you off or stop talking to you. Women are convinced themselves that they rather be single then put up a man mess. But they’ll go out and sleep with different men. Men will do the same. In my opinion that sleeping around is too much mess. That talking to 10 different women/men is too much mess. It’s hard to keep up with one. Why add to it? I don’t know.

I don’t have a lot experience with relationships. I’ve only been in four. However I speak with people all the time. Almost daily about their relationships. Every single female has been cheated on by a man that I’ve spoken to. The ones that are married are still with or they stayed with him for years after the infidelity. I see nothing wrong with saving your marriage. I believe it’s the right thing to do if both can make it right and work. I believe in the institution of marriage. I have a lot of respect for it. I just hate that we as women are normally on the receiving end of the damage. Emotionally. Mentally. And spiritually.

My Facebook page of Chatting With San at https://www.facebook.com/chattingwithSan/, post daily quotes, proverbs, affirmations, thoughts, and funnies. I get so many inboxes from females that are broken. I can relate. I’ve been there. I try daily to lift their spirits. Let them know that “this too shall past”. I let them know to keep their heads up. I let them know I’ve been there. I’m over the pain of my ex husband. I consider him a friend now. I know that me and my Mista will be a couple one day. I believe that in my heart. Until then I work on Sandra. I encourage other females. I get my life back on track. Things happens in seasons. I pray to Jesus for what I want and who I want. I speak names. I say exactly what it is I want. Things won’t always happen in my timing, that’s the frustrating part. But I believe if it’s according to Jesus will it’ll be done.

I’m not the independent woman. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to date a different man every so often. I’m not going to do that. Not in my DNA. I’ll wait to Mista get his mind together. I’ll wait till my change come. There is plenty to be done in my life right now to keep me focused. I so love being a woman. I don’t want to do what men do. If society thinks it’s okay for men to sleep around and that’s normal so be it. Sleep on. You won’t be sleeping with San. I’ll be doing lady things. You know shopping, going to the spa, watching tennis, going to tea socials, those things that I enjoy. I’ll take selfies in my beautiful dresses. I’ll go on walks with my two beautiful Maltese. I’ll come here and release some of the things going on in my head. Get my toes and nails done. Get my eyelashes done. My brows threaded. All these things are beautiful to me. I’ll continue to message my friend girls and check on them. Pray as much as possible. I even need to start back fasting. I now enjoy washing clothes and folding them away. Thursday I had a doctors appointment. The lady at the front desk says, “ Oh my you smell good, what are you wearing?” I said Gain and softener. I get that all the time now. It makes me smile because I hear Mista saying it.

In closing, to my sisters be true to yourselves. You’re not a man. You weren’t created to be equal with a man in the sense of their might and their mind set. Be the beautiful woman God created you to be. Always walk in your glory with your head held high and your shoulders squared properly. Stop leaning over so much messing up your posture. I see that so much and it vex me. I want to say, “baby straighten your back and shoulders up. I just saw a woman the other day at a nice restaurant in a beautiful hunched over, smh.” Look like a woman. Feel like a woman and most importantly be a woman. Your season is upon you. Don’t fall into the traps that society has highlighted to be okay. Cover your bodies. Take care of your health. Eat right. Exercise. Love. Love those that don’t love you back even the more. I’m here with you. I stand with you. Be encouraged.

IF

If I tell you I care, if I tell you I love you, if I tell you I want you, if I tell you I’ll always be yours, if I tell you I miss you, if I tell you I dream of you, if I tell you I smell you, if I tell you I can’t stop thinking of you, if I tell you I want you, if I tell you how I really feel what will you do? Will it matter? Would it make a difference?

Vulnerabilities

Memories

One thing for sure no one can take those memories from you and sometimes it’s the memories that help you make it through the day.

I take full responsibility because I know the role I played in this situation and what’s so sad is that I know better but when you want what you want sometimes you play the fool and as the military says you have to suck it up and drive on. One thing I won’t do is get bitter. You see those memories are real and true. That I know. The game playing not so much. But no one can tell me what I felt over the years wasn’t real.

This Luther Vandross song just dropped in my heart so I listened to it and my eyes filled up with tears. So I went and found the words. Such a beautiful song and it helps with my memories.

Don’t give up on love. Please don’t. Love is real. Even if we act like it’s not doesn’t make it not real. Some people just have strong egos. They’ve been through things that won’t allow them to love like they should. I believe this. That’s why those memories are important. Forever. For always. For love!

I sing this song
To remind myself that
There was a time when I Didn’t have no one
Didn’t have no love
Do you remember
The love that we once had Well, if I had the chance to love you again I would make your heart forget I was ever bad If we forgive the past I know this time love would last
Forever, for always, for love I’m not coming home anymore Does it matter? Well, if I had the chance to hold you again I would fill your heart with joy And make you know that I’m the only one for you
Let’s throw the bad memories out And make this the first day of our Forever, for always, for love. I’d be a fool to ever change
If she said she loves the way I am I’d be a fool to ever change If she said she loves the way I am
It’s gonna be starting here, starting now
Forever, for always, for love

Love Song Singing Genius