Sisterhood

Sis be careful who you call Sister. I don’t care if she is your sister from your parent. Sisterhood is PROVEN through valley experiences!

Are you really my Sister?

LOVE

All that we are is the result of what we have thought; thus so a man thinketh so is he. Proverbs 23:7

I know I long for love. Love stays on my mind constantly. Why, I don’t know. There is so much to think about throughout the day but yet my mind stays on love. I go about the day doing my job. Focusing on my goals but every break or moment in between I think about love. I think about being loved. I think about loving somebody.

LOVE

What is wrong with me? Why am I so consumed with the topic of love? The feeling of love? Don’t we normally crave the things that we are missing? Well perhaps that’s why I constantly think of love. I’m lacking in that area.

Some people are so good that they can be by themselves forever. Some people don’t need nobody. They have everything they want within themselves and that’s awesome. That’s beautiful. As for me I can’t exist alone. And yes I shouldn’t say can’t. Let me change that; I don’t want to. I’m trying to be careful of the words I use because I believe that you can speak a thing into existence. I try to keep myself in a positive space and think on things that bring me joy! And thinking of love brings me joy! Writing about love brings me pleasure. Being in love is complete ecstasy.

Our words are life or death. Choose wisely!

I think about the good times. Ha! Here I go again with music. But didn’t Michael Jackson have a song that said, “I think about about the good times!” Yes, check it out here, https://youtu.be/dei_8HX_eVQ When I’m by myself I think about the good times. The times earlier this year when I felt loved. When I felt warm and cared for. I go back and look at pictures. I remember times spent together and they make me smile. Even as I type this I began to smile because, yes just the thought brings me joy!

I think of the good times with my children. Acting silly and talking about literally everything. I love that we can talk about everything together. Now we don’t always agree. I don’t agree with a lot of things that my children do but they also disagree with somethings I do or don’t do too. And we talk about it. The communication, even the bad talks, bring me joy! I understand that everything is not always pretty in life but I’ve also learned that there’s beauty in the bad times too. So I’m able to think of both the good and bad and I can find some happiness. Some beauty. Some joy!

LOVE is!

I was a baby having babies so I grew up with my children and as they’ve become adults I realize how much I really love and need them. I love there smiles and our heart felt conversations. And trust me we’ve had some heavy hitters, but in my heart I get it all. Love for a child is something special. I don’t care how upset you get, you never stop loving, thinking, and caring about your children. I don’t even think it’s possible.

I think of the times with my Mista from earlier this year and I reminisce of the hand holding. The talks. The FaceTimes. The hugging and kissing. The playing. The intimacy. I think of the misunderstandings. I think of the times when we were “in our feelings.” Again I smile. I think of our personalities and our stubbornness and shake my head. It’s a shame how grown folks can allow things to get away. People to get away because of our pride and egos. I’ve been guilty of this. Now I fight for what I want. I fight hard too. I told a close friend of mine just last week, “fight for your marriage. Put your pride and your stubbornness away and fight for your marriage.” Folks think relationships are easy. That’s crazy to me. How in the world is two grown folks getting together from two different beliefs and walks of life easy? It doesn’t make sense to me. I’d like to think that I’m the most long-suffering person I know. The only other people I know that were and are more long-suffering is my pastor, Bro. Austin, his late wife, my late grand father Bill Abrams and my grand mother Pennie Merle. Oh and my bestie, Fuqua! But I hang in there for years. I forgive and forgive and forgive and I try to work through things. I just believe it’s the right thing to do. We do it with our jobs. We do it with our recreational activities. We even try different fashion statements and plenty of other things till we get what we want. So why are we so quick to give up on love? I don’t know. I just know I’m not. I won’t.

I’ll travel for LOVE!

Sometimes when I’m not successful at mending relationships that I want, I feel like a failure! I feel defeated. I’m slowly but surely trying to get over this. When it comes to my children things are different then my relationships with men; That’s two people from different walks of life coming together trying to make it work. And it takes two. And yes it’s hard! When it comes to my children it’s a blood line. You see I grew up with my granny. Not my biological parents. I had so many outlets. I had so many homes and families that I could run to when someone at the current house made me mad. And as children do, I played each one against the other so I lived a life of pretty much getting everything I wanted. My children didn’t have that luxury. I was all they had growing up. So if they got upset at me they had to go to their rooms and talk about the situation amongst themselves or in their pillows. They were not allowed to talk back to me. They didn’t have a voice. They did what they were told. That’s it that’s all. They were the best children you could ask for. I didn’t know different till here recently. I thought my babies didn’t do wrong. My oh my was I ignorant. They’ve since shared their wrong doing and every time I learn something new I’m in a state of awe! But my long-suffering with them is different because regardless of the situation I’ll always be their mom and they will always be my children. We are like siblings in a sense that we get mad at each other and fall out and stop speaking, but something always brings us back together. I know that. Not so with my dude.

LOVE never fails!

Can I just throw this in here? As I’m typing this blog post in my notes this wig is working my nerves. I so want to pull it off right here at work and undo my Bantu knots and look even prettier. I had to get that out. Lol! Okay back to the topic of love.

Y’all know I’m goofy!

Basically I love love. I make no excuses for it. I love the good and the bad of it. Is that crazy or what? I love what loves stands for. I love how it’s patient and kind and understanding and forgiving. And it suffers long. It worketh no ill. It doesn’t keep score. It’s just beautiful to me and y’all know I love all things beautiful. Love is warm. It’s seamless.

I love love so much that I smell it. I smell my puppies when I’m not with them. I think of the times my children and I were out and about having a good time. I think of Mista smell. His lips. His walk. Him singing. My children come to mind throughout the day and I’ll start to laugh. I think of my granny and my grand daddy. Love, it makes me happy. I promise you it does. And the bad things, the disagreements, the arguing. The misunderstanding they are all apart of love. I think of the moments too and ponder what I could’ve done different.

Relationship Goals!

Love is not simple yet it is. I guess it depends if you really want it or not. It means a lot to me. It’s a part of me. I love to give it just as much as I love to receive it. It’s breath taking. Thinking about love makes me happy. Writing about it does too. Being in love makes me ecstatic.

Love is within the HEART!

I had taken a break from writing this post and began to think about why I think so much about love. Maybe because I have a strong belief in Jesus and I know that Jesus is love, I love the entire concept of love so much. I use to be a fire cracker. Life has happened to me. I no longer wish to be a fire cracker. I only want love, peace, and joy! I don’t want no more fighting and hating. Yes I use to hate and would hate for a long time. I’m so over it. Takes too much energy. I was in a very bad place in my life at one point and the people I was around were all so angry, evil, and wicked. Every time I had a chance to speak to one of them I just spoke love. I don’t care where you are in life. What you’re going through, love is ALWAYS the way. It’s the only way. It’s so much easier too. I promise. I’ve been the hardcore woman. Strong. Bitter. Cut throat woman. Ask my children. Ask folks that’s known me, known me. They’ll tell you. But I’ve wasted a lot of time being that way. I’ve chosen love. I’ll continue to choose love. Even towards those that don’t reciprocate it back.

Jesus is LOVE!

I wake up some mornings and I begin to just call out names of people and ask Jesus to touch their hearts and their minds. Keep them safe. Shower them with love. Some of us have been through so much that we’ve closed ourselves off. We weren’t meant to live alone. Women, we were made for men. Not the other way around. Men, you all were given to us for protection. For guidance. For leadership. For our covering. All of that, doesn’t it just sound like love! Who wouldn’t love love once they totally understood and surrendered to it. Let those guards down. Pain is a part of life. There’s a rainbow after all the pain, you simply endure. That’s all. Closing yourself off doesn’t keep you from pain. It may appear to but if you keep living you’re going to experience pain. Wouldn’t you want a love one to go through it with you? I know I would.

Regardless what love is to you the struggle and the goal is to make LOVE last!

Embrace Your WOW Factor!

I started reading in 2017 and I can’t stop. At some point I need to put these books down and take action. However, every time I start, I see another good book, help me please! I need an intervention. But no not really! I try not to buy more books, I promise I do but I’ll pass it up and not buy it but It’ll stay in my mind. Before you know it I’m on Amazon buying the book.

I want to speak about a book I just read by Mrs. Paris Love titled, Embrace Your WOW Factor, 7 Ways to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses. I read this book yesterday. You will not stop till you finish reading it, I promise! It’s a quick read filled with golden nuggets that resonates with you. As you know I blog a lot about the emotional and mental trauma I’ve experienced. This sister here is on point with her steps to advance you beyond the hurt and pain. You can purchase your very own copy at EMBRACE Your WOW Factor: 7 Steps to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses https://www.amazon.com/dp/1692855913/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EYJJDbD4MKMN0. And while you there order a copy for a friend girl like I did. I’d love to start an online book group to discuss the information that this book reveals.

A MUST Read!

People ask me all the time why do I forgive so easily. Or folks don’t understand how you can forgive someone for molesting your child. Or a spouse that has had a child on you while you’re still married. Honestly it’s not for anyone to understand. I can tell you that I often times don’t want to forgive. The easy thing is to stay in the pain. Have a pity party. Accuse the person of all their evil. Hold the grudge. Constantly lash out at them for the hurt. Question I have is what does that profit? They say San how can you smile through all you’ve been through? My question back to them is, how can I NOT smile through what I’ve been through. Regardless to what I’ve been through I have no need or desire to complain. Now mind you I went through phases where I wanted the first hubby killed, literally. And the second one I busted a vase over his head and damaged his precious baby, his convertible BMW. But it was for a season. I’m able to care and love both of them. Don’t wish either of them no harm. For after all that, I realized it was time to deal with Sandra. Renew Sandra. Fix Sandra. Love on Sandra! So I began counseling and put the work in.

As Mrs. Love spoke about balance and taking care of you in her book, I felt it all. When a person doesn’t take care of themselves, I call it being a busy body. Distractions. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re not taking care of ourselves because we clean up so well. We look soo good on the outside while the inside is literally deteriorating. I was fabulous at doing it all. I’d pay the $300 for the sew-in. I’d buy the hair bundles for $400 plus. I’d pay $2000 for the Valentino bag! Yes I did all that and some. But I was broken in the inside. See I was a busy body my entire life. I started having children early and got married early. Actually I’ve been married my entire adult life. And yes I love the institution of marriage! However my busy body activities were always trying to be a perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend. Give back to the community. Look out for others. I went through phases of blaming myself for years. See I know the word of God. Even when I’m not living it I know it. I beat myself up because I felt that had I been praying and watching as the Bible instructed then I would have known what was going on in my house. But I thank God for counseling and this book. And how I’m still learning to NOT blame myself and to STOP apologizing. The steps that Mrs. Love speaks about in her book that I love so much are biblical. It’s not Jesus desire for us to live under all this hurt and pain. And magnifying someone’s wrong doing does nothing for you. Often times when we hurt somebody it’s not the person that’s getting hurt that it’s about, it’s about the person that’s committing the actions. They’re dealing with their own demons. I learned this the hard way. When somebody hurts you, you want that person to suffer and suffer long. But when you in the mercy seat you want favor. You want understanding. You want forgiveness. I’m telling you I know what I’m talking about because I’ve experienced this. Let that mess go. Let it all go. Focus on you. Get help. I saw this and it hit the point the book and myself are encouraging us all to do.

Try it! Daily!

I also had to learn to stop with the negative talking. I’m broke. He hurt me. I’m tired. All that negative talking picks up momentum the more you feed it. So I had to learn to change my thought process. I still catch myself doing and I try to switch it up. I’m not broke. Stop buying dresses and going to watch tennis when you know you don’t have the money, which is probably NOT gone happen. I’m just being honest here! Sis the book speaks on all that. The Bible even teaches us that’s it’s not what goes in the body that defiles the temple. It’s what comes out. It teaches us there is life and death in the tongue. I love reading. Absolutely love it. And I only read self-help, non-fiction and autobiographies, biographies, and memoirs. But guess what? Everything we need is in those 66 books! I promise you. The Holy Bible is THE Book!

Mrs. Love speaks of living in the NOW! How many of you know that the word of God teaches us to take no thought for tomorrow? Look it up. It’s in there. Why worry about tomorrow? It has its own issues. Plus he said if he feeds the birds how much more will he do for us. The bird don’t be flying around stressed and worried. Sis again, let that mess go. Take in today. It’s beautiful. We miss so much worrying about tomorrow and yesterday too. Here’s a problem that I have. Something happens, let’s say on Monday. I shake it off or really don’t even realize it happened. Come Wednesday I’m all the way back in Monday analyzing what happened. How crazy is that? But I do this. It’s stressful. It’s unnecessary. Don’t let me go to that person. They be like, “San gone with all that!” I’m telling you thats crazy huh? But I do that. But guess what I can work on that. And it all starts with me.

Also I like how she recognized she had to go through her experiences to get the book! Yes sisters. There is a book in us. Don’t feel bad. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t force something that won’t fit. Go through. Get the testimony. Get the book! My Lord I felt that. I was just sharing with a sister that I have this burning in my belly that gives me anxiety because I want so very badly to tell and share my story because I know it’ll help others. She encouraged me to step out on faith and I know she’s right. But I know my weakest characteristic is patience. I have none. I was talking a friend on yesterday about working on getting myself back together. Sometimes I get discouraged because I can’t do the things I use to do. That right there is a negative thought process because that’s living in the past. See I’m not there either Sis but I’m working on it. We will all get there is we acknowledge it and put the work in. Take day by day and step by step.

Romans 12:3

I think over the years I’ve convinced myself that I was this perfect mom and wife. Well the truth of matter is that I wasn’t. And I’m not. I wasn’t faithful. I think I’ve justified my lies and deceit because it was always with the same guy over the years. But reality is a lie is a lie. I will never be perfect nor do I have a desire to be. However I do have a desire to always strive to be a better version of myself. Sometimes to others that can look like being ungrateful but I know that it’s me striving and thriving. Something that I wholeheartedly believe in. Perhaps that’s the real truth why I can forgive so easily. I don’t know.

Anyways sisters get the book. Read the book. Pray. Seek help. Learn to get you a daily praise. Get yourself by yourself and start dealing with YOU. What I’ve come to realize is that most of our hardship begins with US. it’s something going on in the insides. But one thing I do know is the struggles, the battles, the let downs, the upsets, the heartbreaks, they all come to build character. They’re not for our destruction. You can live after the pain. As a matter of fact you will live after the hurt. But it’s going to be up to you how you choose to live. I love you and I love this book. Mrs. Paris Love thank you for this gem. Thank you for being transparent. Thank you for being authentic!

Do as I say not as I do

We’ve all heard this before, do as I say not as I do. I was told this as a child and I’ve told my children this. And if I haven’t said it directly I’ve said it indirectly. Is it right to feel this way? I don’t know. I never really thought about it till now.

I have three children and I’ve taught them not to lie, steal, or cheat. Don’t go around hurting people feelings. Stand up for yourselves. Speak your truth. I’ve told my sons not to mistreat a lady. Don’t screw a female in your parents house and not in the car. I told them if they can’t afford to take her to a nice hotel then they don’t deserve the cookies. I’ve told them to never allow their girl to touch the door to enter nor exit. Always allow the female to walk on the inside. That they’re suppose to pay when they go out on dates. I taught all three of them to tip the waitress. If you can’t afford to tip then go buy fast food. Everything that I just mentioned are things that I’ve not done myself. Still I wanted these morals and values to be instilled in my children.

My daughter, I told her to know her worth. I always told her she was beautiful. She was a mess as a little girl. It was her way or no way, even at school. She’s always had a strong personality and a mother instinct. She had a thing with limousine. So when she was a child I made sure she road in one for leisure a few times. I made sure she went to the hair salon weekly. Got her toes and nails done. I made sure she got facials and massages. I made sure she wore the best clothes and shoes. I did all this so a man couldn’t easily entice her with stuff. As a family we took road trips and went on vacations. Every year for their birthdays I tried to get all three of them everything they wanted and more. Not tried, I did.

I told them not eat junk food. Eat their vegetables. Don’t drink. Don’t do drugs. Don’t sleep around. Stay out the clubs. Don’t be out in those streets, they’ll age you. You can’t beat them. I made my children read books. Well the older two. My daughter is the oldest. For years she had to iron her and and her two brothers clothes every Sunday night for the entire week. I made them wake up every Saturday morning to clean the house, early, and I mean early. I also taught them not to sleep all day. Get up early because the early bird catches the worms. Did I do all these things? Nope not all but most of them I did. Regardless if I did them or not I thought the above mentioned things were vital to my children success. To their growth into adulthood. And guess what? For the most part my children do most of these things still. Of course they do things that I told them not to do. They are now 29, 27, and 22 years old. So they have to hold fast to that that works for them and lay other things down that don’t.

I know I’ve mentioned before that I’m old school. I believe in the old way. This new age stuff don’t get me. I don’t relate to most of it. Children talking back to their parents, fighting their parents, disrespecting them, I don’t get none of that. It vexes me. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t say I deserve the mother of year award. I don’t think that my way of parenting was perfect. I made a lot of mistakes. My Lord a lot. But what I will say is that I did my BEST. I did what I felt was right in my heart. If I had to redo it I can’t honestly say I’d do something different.

I raised my babies in church. I taught them to pray. To forgive. To love. Take care of those that were less fortunate. Be respectful. Be a giver and not just receive. I didn’t raise them on holidays. They never had a valentine, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, trick nor a treat, and surely not Christmas. I told them every since they were ankle high that they don’t have nobody but each other. They’ve been doing community service events since they were literally babies. My goal was that I wanted them to be good abiding citizens. I wanted them to know Jesus. Have a prayer life. Know who to call when they needed help. I wanted them to always be there for each other.

Now with all that I also believed in chastisement and punishment. My children will tell you I beat their behinds real good. They won’t say it like that though. My daughter and my baby boy will be overly dramatic when they share their stories about being chastised. I told them a police will never have to touch them because they will know how to behave. Thus far my prophecy is true. All three of my babies are very respectful children. Doing well in life. Holding themselves down. Are they perfect? What a stupid question for none of us are. But they are my perfect babies. Each one adds a different dimension of life to me. Me and the older two grew up together. The baby boy was my first real baby because I had to do him alone. No granny’s and aunts and uncle just me and his dad. He’d cry and we’d ask each other what’s wrong. Neither one of us knew. The older two thinks he’s more spoil. I think all three were spoiled.

Anyways even after typing this the title says do as I say and not as I do. How do I feel about that statement? I still think that children were placed under the leadership of parents and it’s our responsibility to raise them and protect them. To nourish them. Chastise them. Love them. Show them the world. I did my best to all of that. Yes I do think that children should do as they are told and not as their parents do. But I also think that parents should be role models so if they do so happen to do as they see their parents do it won’t be something bad. I’ve done bad things. Even if my children didn’t see me do it I told them. This has been a curse and a blessing for me. My children have used my bad and tried to hold it against and try to hurt me with it. Perhaps I’ve done the same. Some don’t believe in chastisement. So I often wonder if they feel when I was beating their behinds is I was using their wrong against them. My granny taught me to spare the rod spoil the child. This parenting is an ever learning journey. I’m still learning and adjusting. I have very strong morals and values that I’m not willing to change with the times of today but day by day and grace by grace Jesus is dealing with me and I’m grateful. To all the families out there be encouraged and hang in there. We gone make it. Down but not out!

Be blessed!

One of the easiest things to do in life is love those that love you. Do for those that do for you. But one of the hardest things to do in life is love those that don’t love you. Do for those that don’t do for you. Wonder why that’s so hard??? Hmmmmmm. One thing I do know is that the world will know that you are a disciple of Christ Jesus by the love you show. So loving someone that loves you is so satisfying to your flesh. You believe in your heart that it feels good. But what about loving that person that you know hates you?? What about praying for those that you know are out for your throat?? These are hard to do because as a people we don’t want to feel played and we have this I don’t care what folks think about me mentality. I’ve been there. My Lord I’ve been there. But through my trials and tribulations. Through my returning back to my savior he has taken me through a purge. Lord knows it doesn’t feel good but Lord knows it’s all worth it. I just know that the word of God will prevail. I know that all of his promises are yes and amen. I know that the trying of my faith is working for my good. It’s working my patience. It’s cleaning me up from the inside all the way to the outside. I know after I’m done I’m gone be holy. So basically what I’m saying is just try Jesus. Try reaching out to those that have hurt you. Try forgiving. Try praying until you can forgive or reach out. Pray sincerely and ask Jesus to help you with your short comings. You know what they are. I’m doing exactly what I’m writing. I’m asking Jesus to search my inner most man and expose everything that’s not of him. Expose it ALL.

Through the words of this message if I’ve done anything to offend you I apologize. I’ve called everybody I can think of that I’ve hurt or offended and apologized. I started doing this last year in July. Some have accepted my forgiveness some haven’t. Through all this I’ve also had to get some folks out my camp. Some people were draining me mentally and emotionally. I’ve had to purge them. Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t love or care about them it just means I had to do whatever I needed to do to keep my spirit clean before Christ. I’ve also had to go and forgive myself for some things. All this is necessary for growth anyways.

Try this. Lay aside EVERY weight and THE sin that does so easy beset you and run this salvation race. If and when you fall get back up and run FORWARD. Don’t look back. Don’t let folks hold your yesterday over your head. Repent and finish the race. Remember the race is not given to the swift nor the quick nor the strong but to them that endure to the end, those same ones SHALL be saved.

Sometimes it gets hard. That’s okay. Remember Jesus had asked God to suffer not this cup to pass. Jesus had gotten weak in strength. Now say what!!!! Now you know if our savior can get weak then what and who are we???? Whatever. You better get on up and RUN…

Don’t let the devil accuse you. He’s the accuser of the brothers. He knows he has not a chance left in hell to enter in so what he think about taking you out ain’t NOTHING. But victory is knowing who you are and whose you are. HALLELUJAH!!!!! Hallelujah anyhow. You can stand on that. That devil ain’t got the victory over you. He’s a liar. Don’t be deceived family. You are more than able to run this race and finish it.

I encourage you through the blood of Jesus to stand and fight that devil. As Bro Harris said one night in service hit the devil with a rope-a-dope like the greatest, Muhammad Ali did. Fight the devil. Fight him with the word. Fight him with your prayer and fasting. Fight him with your standfastness in Christ.

Family we gone make it. I promise you we gone make it.

Protect Your Heart

We can’t protect ourselves from being hurt; we can’t protect our hearts. It’s not possible. To do that we’d have to not give our all or we’d have to be by ourselves. And even then you can’t control if you’ll be hurt. I’ve been thinking and it’s just not possible.

If I say okay I’m not dating anymore what does that mean? I’m never going to go out with the opposite sex any more? Never going to talk to the opposite sex? And if that’s possible, can our hearts not be hurt just as bad from a relative or a same sex friendship? I just don’t believe it’s possible to totally protect our hearts from heart break.

You know God saw that it was not good for Adam to be lonely so he put him to sleep and made him a help mate. He took from his rib. Why the rib? Could he not have taken from any other part of his body? When he had awaken Adam he asked him what shall we call it? Adam said woman for she’s bone of my bone flesh of my flesh. Is that not something? Ladies we were made for man not the other way around. Well what does that mean? Does that mean that man is suppose to mistreat, abuse, disrespect, or do anything that will cause a woman grief or pain? Nope not at all. But women it also doesn’t mean that we’re suppose to walk behind them or be inferior to them. We are to complement man. With this I just don’t see how man and woman can live right here on this earth and not have relations with each other.

There’s been medical research that a man is suppose to release every so often. I believe, I don’t have proof, that we females need to do the same every so often. That being the case how is it that we’re not meant for each other? I know some believe in self satisfaction and toys. I have nothing to say about either. But I’d assume Adam could have self satisfied too. Perhaps he did, I don’t know. Either way I still believe we were made for each other. And any time two people from different walks of life come together and try to become as one or mate there is almost a certainty of some level of anguish. Hurt. Heart break even.

Okay back to my premise. If that being the case I stand on the fact that we can’t protect ourselves from being heart broken. Now what we can try to do is use some wisdom and/or discernment in our selections. That’s going to take prayer though, I believe. And even then I’m just not sure we hold all the cards in regards to managing our heart breaks. I’d like to believe we can but the more I ponder on this subject the more I come back to the belief that it’s just not possible.

If you could date and fall in love with someone exactly like yourself would that even be interesting? Even then could you control your heart from being broken? Hmmmm, I just don’t think so. I believe the best we can do as humans is just do our all to do the right thing. If you get hurt in the process give your self time to grieve and then keep it moving. Seek counseling. Join a prayer group. Do what you feel is right. I’d be careful who I share things with though. Trust me on this one. I talk too much. I’ve shared things with people that I shouldn’t have and later wanted to punch some folks in the throat. But I didn’t want to get punched back so I kept my hands to myself. And it was my fault that they knew my business in the first place. So I just have to take the lost. That’s why wisdom and discernment are vital. Now I’m not advocating in you not having a circle or a group of master minds. We were designed for community. So it’s a beautiful thing to have a confidant or two but just as in any relationship choose wisely.

However I’d like to also say getting your heart broken is not a bad thing in the big scope of things. These hardships that we experience throughout the years are really for our making. It’s to help someone else along the way. I’ve gotten away from thinking it’s all about me and crying why me Lord. My mind has shifted to “Thank you Jesus” for the lesson. For the pain. For the experience. I know most people think they are really strong. But honestly you don’t know how strong you are till you experience a life changing situation. It’s inside the battle where you get your strength. You see it’s like gold. Gold has to go through extreme degrees of heat to become that perfect gold that everyone pays all that money for. It’s during the heat that the gold is made. So don’t get bent out of shape when you have to go through upheavals. I know we don’t like to go through. Lord knows I don’t but on the coming out side of the situation is where you’ll see the glory and feel your strength.

So be encouraged. Stop trying to prevent what’s already predestined to happen anyways. Enjoy life and all the ups and downs of it.

My thoughts on The Algebra of Happiness

I read a book titled, The Algebra of Happiness by Scott Galloway. I love his writing. I read his first book, The Four, which was a New York Times Best Seller. The only bad thing I’ll say is that he’s an atheist. I’ve always believed that the concept was foolish. For one not to believe that something exist you almost have to believe it does exist. Atheism to me is an oxymoron, you know like a soft brick. For me to say that the grass is not green I have to know what the color green looks like, this the color green is in fact an actual color. So he knows that there is a God. But hey that’s just me. I’m no brain doctor so please don’t beat me up. Remember this is a judge free zone. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. I do love the fact that he likes tennis though. He mention tennis in both of his books when trying to explain something. So I’ve come to the conclusion that he loves tennis. And if he doesn’t oh well this is my blog so it’s true on here. 😜😜😜. I believe he’s a Rafa fan. And that’s cool. I’m a Roger fan but I respect Rafas’ game. 🎾🎾🎾.

Anyways, in this book he says that “Love and relationships are the ends and everything else in between is the means. This resonates with me deeply. I’m an introvert and an extrovert which actually makes me an ambivert. It just depends on the situation and the people involved. I don’t mind being by myself but I don’t want to be alone. And I don’t like being around a lot of people or crowds but I love going to see an artist that I love, perform because I love seeing live bands and music. I totally agree that everything we chase in the end it’s all about love and THE relationships. Even after two failed marriages and losing pretty much everything I’m still going to fight for love and relationships. I love how he’s authentic in the book about his attitudes and his ways. He confesses his flaws. He acknowledges that he needs to work on things and that he really is. He talks about his mental health and his bouts with depression. I think it takes good character and morals to speak of ones perceived short comings. Up until a couple of years ago I would have never told my flaws the way I do now. But I find healing in doing so. It brings about a sense of peace. I feel free. Liberating. I remember when all the black girls where starting to go natural. Everyone kept speaking of it be liberating. I never really felt that about wearing my natural hair. For me as long as when I put myself together I feel cute, I don’t care if it’s natural hair, extensions, or a wig. I just love being cute. 😇😇😇. But writing and blogging about my truth is liberating. It makes me happy. I find joy in it. It’s calming too. It’s like listening to jazz music. Or watching Ken Ford play the violin in person. I simply love it. I wish I could do it more often. I’m sure one day I will. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽.

He speaks about nothing is ever as bad or as good as it seems. I know this to be true. I’ve been in some bad, terrible, horrible situations. Situations where I wanted to just die. Looking back I can honestly say that it wasn’t that bad. Not until death bad at least. And I’m not discrediting the situations at all. But on this side of them I can see the beauty in them. I can see that I was resilient in the sense that the situations didn’t take me out. I came through. I can still smile and laugh. I can still love and I still want to be loved. You know some people go through things and it takes them under. It changes their entire life. I’m not discrediting that option or outcome. But I’m grateful that I do serve a God that has literally walked with me through it all. He gave me favor amongst my enemies. He allowed me to endure and overcome right before their eyes. Through it all I’m learning true forgiveness. I’m first learning to forgive myself. I held myself accountable for years for something that happened. I felt like I allowed it to happened. I’d talk to my right shoulder and be like I wouldn’t dare allow something like this to happen. But my left shoulder would be accusing me all along. Because I was too saved to realize that I needed help I dealt with it all alone. I’d pray and I’d fast. I’d shop till I drop. I’d go to the spa multiple times a week. You know doing everything but dealing with the situation. It never went away. I was just applying bandaids to it year after year. I walked around like I was cool and over it but my insides were being tormented. This whole authentic thing is so freeing. I love coming here to release. One thing for sure I know I’m not the only person that’s dealing or have dealt with similar things. I promise you one day soon I’ll be able to tell my entire life story with no repercussions.

He says, “Love received is comforting, love reciprocated is rewarding, and love given completely is eternal.” Unconditional love is the goal. I’m sure of it. I don’t know if I’m there yet. As a matter of fact if I’m being authentic, I know I’m not there yet but it’s my goal. Eternal love. To have everlasting love one MUST practice forgiveness and we can’t keep score. It’s a given we’re human. Thus we will make mistakes. So if the love is unconditional than you have to accept those mistakes. I use to say things like, “you’re not gone play me for no fool.” Huh? What does that even mean? 🤔🤔🤔. I’m not advocating lying on your back and just allowing someone to continue to hurt you perpetually. I’m not saying that. But I do believe that unconditional love means that you have to continuously forgive. You have to not keep score. Just as bad as I want unconditional love I also want to be able to give unconditional love. The good book speaks of seeing past the person faults and seeing the need. That’s the place I’m striving to get to. So I’m not preaching to choir. I’m honestly trying to accomplish this stuff myself. And let me tell you it’s not easy. It takes some denying yourself. It takes some calling yourself out on your own bull. It takes being honest and authentic. It takes prayer, fasting, and counseling. It takes picking and choosing your battles. As important as I think I am it’s taking me to not be selfish. Be considerate. Have compassion. Having sympathy and even better having empathy. It takes a lot. Commitment and dedication are key too. I read somewhere that consistency compounds. So it’s a daily practice. We won’t accomplish unconditional love if we don’t work at it daily. You don’t think something as important as unconditional love is going to just fall in our laps do we? Oh noooo. 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️. Nope! Not gone happen. Somethings we have to take by force. Matthew 11:12. We have to put the work in. So like Betty White says, “anything worth having is worth fighting for.” Or whatever she said. You get the drift. 😇😇😇.

The book was so much more than this. Overall it was an awesome easy read. He draws you in with his authenticity. That’s what makes it so easy to read. I love reading. I read biographies, autobiographies, memoirs, and non-fiction books. I don’t do a lot of novels. I surely don’t read urban or fiction books. It’s enough of that mess right before my eyes. I enjoy books that check me. Make me think. Make me want to do better. Be a better person. Because that’s truly my goal. And this book does just that.

Reading is life altering. As the saying goes, it’s fundamental. Nothing like wrapping up and getting into a good book. So if you’re looking for a guide to happiness. If happiness is your goal I’d highly recommend this book. I’d also consider it a night stand reference tool too. Be encouraged my good people. 🥰🥰🥰

Living through it All

This is probably going to be a post where I talk about all sorts of things and I may not be able to tie it all together. We shall see! Sometimes I blog from a place of chaos. Doesn’t mean anything is going on just sometimes my thoughts are all over. And on this morning I have so much going on in my head. I think I’ll share a piece of my journal with you from 2017. You’ve heard me mention I was in a dark place for a season of my life. The other day I went through some of those journals and I laughed and cried. The tears weren’t bad though. I didn’t relive the pain. The tears were that I became so proud of myself that I took the time to actually deal with myself and my feelings. Like remember I’ve had an image to portray. I had to appear like I had it all together. A perfect marriage. Perfect and awesome kids. Saved. Sanctified. Holy Ghost filled. Nice house and car. Designer clothes. You know, I had to act like my stuff didn’t smell. 🤣🤣🤣. Mind you I don’t know where I got that idea from. I don’t know who told me I had to live a lie. I’ve never been big on television. I don’t do reality shows. I think I was raised okay. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. So where did all the faking come from? Good People, I don’t know! Heck perhaps if I knew I wouldn’t have been behaving that way.

The other day I was trying to find a particular writing that I did but came across a posting of me trying to explain the pain I was experiencing. I can tell you I know that I was losing faith during that entry. I can tell from my writing. No need to share the entire entry for it was three pages long. You know, someone said to me the other day that I act like what I’m going through doesn’t hurt. Like everything is okay. The person said they know I’m hurting because had it happen to them they’d be hurting. I don’t know why the person feels that way. They are entitled to feel how they please. I’ve never fronted like I don’t experience hurt. Anger. Pain. Like I don’t get upset. But what I’ve decided to do is not allow the situation to consume me. I’m not going into the fetal position. Therapy has cost me a lot of money because my counselor is out of network so I’m paying a lot of money to see her. How I deal with my emotions are different now. What does it profit me to cry all day or lay around with unforgiveness in my heart. Or hate people. So what I do is try to work through the emotions when they come up. I read. I write. I journal. I blog. Sometimes I do a little work out routine. I’ve learned some skills to help me with my emotions. I don’t ignore them. Nope! Not any more! I work through them. I shared with you all a book I use and it’s an awesome resource. I promise you it’s helpful. Meditation is also helpful. You can do it at any time. Any place. But guess what regardless if you deal with your situations or not life goes on. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m moving along. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️.

I had always said if I ever got married again that I wasn’t getting a divorce. We will fight through whatever. But in order for that to happen, the fighting part, it takes two. You can’t fight by yourself. Well I guess you can and I have, for years! Just not anymore. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. I also had to consider what I was accepting. And even then how much I wanted to accept. At some point reality comes and slap you around like they do on WWF. At that moment you have no other choice but to wake up.

Every post I write on here my goal is to inspire. Uplift. Encourage. I never want you to leave the page feeling worst than when you came. But I also must speak MY truth. No more tip toeing around or sugar coating my feelings. My goal moving forward is to be transparent. Authentic. I pray that’s what we all want to do. I’m going to let all my skeletons out. For no one on this earth is really able to judge anyone. Now I know the good book tells us to judge righteously. So the good book is right and I’m wrong. So if you want to call me out for something biblically feel free but please be walking the walk yourself. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

So here’s an excerpt from a dark moment in my life. Let me know what you think. Have you ever felt this way? What did you do to bounce back? Did you work through it or did you act like you were so strong and ignored the pain? Either way I want to hear from you! Remember we in a judge free zone here. Be encouraged on today. Life is beautiful. A scripture that stays in my heart is this, There is NO temptation common unto man that Christ won’t make a way to escape. We can overcome anything. I promise you we can. If you want to know where the scripture can be found google it. It’s 2019. Do we even need a Bible today? Don’t answer that. Of course we do. 😜😜😜

Girl you’re glowing

I was told today that I look awesome. That I had a glow about myself. I keep hearing that lately. I’ve been told this by several people, male and female. I don’t know what it means exactly. I look happy? Shiny? I do have oily skin! Regardless to what they mean I’m grateful for the compliment. For if we are comparing June 13th 2018 to June 13th 2019 I surely have something to glow about. I am happy and my face is shiny and it’s my prayer that I continue to glow! 🥰🥰🥰

I’m trying to keep my circle small and eliminate drama in my life. I don’t care who you are if you’re not going to make me laugh or smile I don’t want you in my presence. I no longer care about the fancy houses and cars. I don’t care about the designer shoes and clothes no more. I want love, good love making, tennis, and to travel. Yes I do. Go ahead, judge me. I dont care! 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

You know I don’t know if there is such a thing as a real woman or a real man. As compared to what? A fake person? 🤔🤔🤔. Whatever. I’d say I’m going through a growth sprout. I’ve lived a little and learned a lot. I’m still me though. I’m still silly. Loud and very country. Yes ma’am I am. Born and raised on the south side of Chicago but as country as those from deep Mississippi. And I love it. I’ve been blessed my entire life. Inspite of the things I’ve gone through I’ve been fortunate that none of my upheavals have destroyed me. As a matter of fact they’ve made me stronger. Wiser. Taught me compassion. Empathy. Things that I hadn’t always had for people that I didn’t care about. So I thank Jesus for every scare for they’re my testimony.

People say, “San how can you forgive this person or that person for what they’ve done?” My response is the same way Jesus keeps forgiving me. My Lord I mess up everything. If not by action or by speaking then for sure by my thoughts. So it’s so easy for me to forgive now. It’s not always been easy though. I use to cut people off so quick. I’d give them “a piece of my mind” so quickly. Now not so much. Especially if you’re someone I care about. I want to talk it out. Try to reason with you. It just makes more sense to me.

On today I totally feel unbothered. Woke up this morning happy and feeling a sense of peace. I have not one complaint. Regardless to what’s happened or going to happen or what’s happening right now I feel fabulous. Sometimes different little things pop up in my head and I just laugh or smile. Like it just happened. 🤣🤣🤣.

You know I’m a special individual. Literally. My thought process is weird folks may say. I’m Green I’ve been told. Im stuck in another time frame. I think different. I’m old fashion. Yeah I’m all that and I love it. So have your thoughts about me. Who cares? I don’t! I know that I’m a good person. A lot of imperfections and flaws. But a huge heart full of love. Full of hope and encouragement. I believe that’s the glow they see in me. They see that heart of mine. I mean well. Don’t want to hurt no one. Just want to laugh, love, and live. And guess what? I pray that everyone that reads this post do the same. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

It’s Over Now

My theme in my heart this week is it’s over now. I mean that literally. Everything I’ve been through. All the bad memories. All the pain. The setbacks. The letdowns. The fighting and arguing. The holding grudges. The lying and cheating. It’s Over Now!

Sunday, the beginning of the new week is the beginning of a new life for me. All things beautiful. I’ve decided to see the good in everything and everyone. I don’t care what they’ve done or doing. I’m only seeing the good. Everything else is rolling off and underneath me. I will have tunnel vision that will only see the good.

It’s so much easier. It’s easier to stay in that zone of peace and there is no way to do that if you’re constantly allowing situations and people to pull you in every direction. You have to be able to stand and not be tossed to and from. What I’ve learned is that in life you’ll have good days and all will be well. But you will also have bad days and guess what? All can still be well. It’s how you deal with those bad days. Everything is based on perspective.

Has anyone read the book, Man’s Search for Meaning? If not you should. It’s about a doctor and how he overcame being in a concentration camp and losing his family. He survived. It was all perspective. It really is. Now the book is deeper than that. If you haven’t read it you should. If you’re wondering why you going through. Or if you can make it through what you going through you should read this book to get some insight.

I had been meaning to blog about why I believe life is NOT short. Instead of blogging about why I believe life is NOT short I’d encourage you to read the book. After reading this book come back and give me your thoughts. I’d love to know if you still think life is short. I believe life is what you make it. I believe we can easily live to be 110 years young but it’s going to take a lot of effort on our part. There are many editions of the book out there. This is the one I read. I pray you can read and grasp the meaning.

I’ve been very busy here lately working and dealing with life but I wanted to come by and just leave some encouragement. Check out this song on YouTube. Listen to the words and then dance and dance like no one is watching too. #beencouraged 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽