The importance of Self-Care

Was lying here just searching my social media accounts before I get up and get situated and I looked at my nails and thought of the topic of self-care. This has been something that I was taught as a young lady to always take care of myself. My granny started taking me to the hair salon when I turned two and I’m almost 50 and it’s a ritual that I’ve always kept up. I don’t go as much now because I rock my natural hair but I still know the importance of it.

Self-care is so important and I believe that it’s essential sisters to us feeling good about ourselves. It’s not easy trying to be the best mom, sister, friend, lover, and every other title we give ourselves. And sometimes our failures or short comings make us feel inferior or less than. This is where self-care becomes an important tool.

I don’t know about you but nothing makes me feel more beautiful than a pimple free face, my hair popping, toes and nails done, and a beautiful dress. I can have $50 to my name and Mista could’ve just hung up on me, or better yet my daughter, she’s faithful for doing that, but when all those pieces are working in my favor I’m feeling like a million bucks. I love it. It’s surely a cloud popper for me.

Sometimes we get discouraged as women. I’m here to tell you during those moments you must practice self-care like never before. I think it’s mandatory to be on a self-care ritual where you dedicate a day or hours of the day to yourself. That can look like meditating, reading, journaling, pampering yourself, walking your puppies, or simply just doing nothing. Whatever it is it needs to be a part of your week just like work or washing your face. Self-care doesn’t always have to involve spending money. I learned a few years ago that coloring, I believe they call it adult coloring, is something else that’s relatively inexpensive and very relaxing.

The goal of self-care is to have something in place that allows you to focus on YOU! After you’ve taken care of Mista, the babies, the puppies, that personal project that you’re dedicated to, the house, whatever it it, you need to focus on YOU. For if you don’t take care of you how in the world can you be there for others and complete other projects effectively.

Sometimes I’ve found myself looking for self-care from others. HUGE mistake. BIG mistake. That can NEVER happen. Sisters it’s your responsibility to make sure that YOU are taken care of spiritually and emotionally. You can’t put that off on others. For if you do you’re sink into a dark place for you’re find out that the other person is not interested or simply just can’t do it. It’s actually selfish to expect that from others.

Often times I try to add a picture to my post but for Self-care, it looks like different stuff to different people. Going to a tennis match is another example of self-care for me. Sis, whatever it is just make sure that you’re taking time out for you. I can’t say it enough. I’ve been called a many of names. Some or even most maybe correct. But at the end of the day San, takes care of herself. Daily. I have a personal hygiene ritual that allows me time to massage myself. To kiss myself on the shoulder. I’m aware of the smell of my body. My breath. I pay close attention to my skin and my teeth. These things are important to me. I eat bad often times and don’t work out like I should but trust me I look at my body daily and I know when to step back and discipline myself. And guess what? I do these things for ME.

Sisters, I promise you won’t regret making time for you. I promise. It’s not selfish it’s vital. It’s essential. It’s a MUST. Share with me what you do for your self-care. Give me some new ideas please. For I love me. And in the last few years I’m learning even the more to do it just that much more! Be encouraged my beautiful sisters!

Oh wait I just thought of a song I use to do step aerobics too. This song makes me love on me. I’m in love with my body. Check it out here.

Happy Sabbath

Good morning, I’m so blessed to see another Saturday that I’ve never seen before. Yesterday I didn’t leave the house. I had no strength nor energy. Today is suppose to be beautiful but I’m going to cover up good and get out the house. I have some errands to run before my procedure on Monday.

I stayed up and watched Serena Williams win her 14th Fed Cup Single match. The girl is something else. She can pull a win off at any given moment but I must admit she doesn’t look the Serena of old. The Serena I traveled the world to watch play this beautiful sport. Nevertheless, I’m still hopeful that she’ll be back this year.

This morning I woke up and as I let my puppies out I said a little prayer just thanking Jesus for my life journeys. Thanking him for my ups and downs. The good and the bad. I apologized for the rut I sunk into on yesterday. I asked for forgiveness and I prayed for my sisters that I know go through so much wanting love from people that will never give it to them either because they can’t or they won’t. I felt a weight lift up off me. I felt refreshed. I felt a sense of peace. My face has been feeling so heavy but I felt light headed after my prayer. That’s probably not good. But when your head has felt like cement has been on it, that feeling was a relief.

Yesterday I was reading a blog post on here were a guy wrote about the difference between men and woman after having sex. He spoke of how men afterwards don’t want to talk and that women do. He mention that women wanted to get “mushy” and he said men just want to lay there and wonder if they did the ultimate. I’m paraphrasing here too. It just made me think how society still today, myself included, accept the stereotype of “most” men as law. I’ve heard my entire life that a “man gone be a man” and if that’s the law. The loaded law at that then how come we as a society can’t accept that “a woman will be a woman”? Like the things that are normal for women. Such things as wanting to be loved, wanting to be protected and provided for. Wanting to feel safe. If we want to be provided for we are gold diggers. If we want to be loved then we’re needy. Not sure if this is just in the black community or not. I’ve never dated nor married outside of my community. These are things that I’ve heard within my community. Men don’t talk much. Well women do. Men don’t like to shop. Well women do. I find this men don’t like to shop stuff a lie. Men don’t like to shop for panties and bras. For dresses. But men love to shop for recreational stuff. I have a friend guy that works hard and just sit around the and think of things to buy. I mean big dollar purchases too. The truth is, yes men and women are wired differently. However the truth also is that we’re both human. We both were created in love and to love and IF we both simply remove the selfish component from our lives I believe there would be happier men and women relationships. I just don’t believe that we as people were created to live alone. So many have to a accept being alone as reality unless they accept the games. The lies. The “I don’t need nobody”, the instability of emotions. Nowadays I believe men have become just as emotional as women. The only difference is men won’t talk about it. They’ll close you off or stop talking to you. Women are convinced themselves that they rather be single then put up a man mess. But they’ll go out and sleep with different men. Men will do the same. In my opinion that sleeping around is too much mess. That talking to 10 different women/men is too much mess. It’s hard to keep up with one. Why add to it? I don’t know.

I don’t have a lot experience with relationships. I’ve only been in four. However I speak with people all the time. Almost daily about their relationships. Every single female has been cheated on by a man that I’ve spoken to. The ones that are married are still with or they stayed with him for years after the infidelity. I see nothing wrong with saving your marriage. I believe it’s the right thing to do if both can make it right and work. I believe in the institution of marriage. I have a lot of respect for it. I just hate that we as women are normally on the receiving end of the damage. Emotionally. Mentally. And spiritually.

My Facebook page of Chatting With San at https://www.facebook.com/chattingwithSan/, post daily quotes, proverbs, affirmations, thoughts, and funnies. I get so many inboxes from females that are broken. I can relate. I’ve been there. I try daily to lift their spirits. Let them know that “this too shall past”. I let them know to keep their heads up. I let them know I’ve been there. I’m over the pain of my ex husband. I consider him a friend now. I know that me and my Mista will be a couple one day. I believe that in my heart. Until then I work on Sandra. I encourage other females. I get my life back on track. Things happens in seasons. I pray to Jesus for what I want and who I want. I speak names. I say exactly what it is I want. Things won’t always happen in my timing, that’s the frustrating part. But I believe if it’s according to Jesus will it’ll be done.

I’m not the independent woman. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to date a different man every so often. I’m not going to do that. Not in my DNA. I’ll wait to Mista get his mind together. I’ll wait till my change come. There is plenty to be done in my life right now to keep me focused. I so love being a woman. I don’t want to do what men do. If society thinks it’s okay for men to sleep around and that’s normal so be it. Sleep on. You won’t be sleeping with San. I’ll be doing lady things. You know shopping, going to the spa, watching tennis, going to tea socials, those things that I enjoy. I’ll take selfies in my beautiful dresses. I’ll go on walks with my two beautiful Maltese. I’ll come here and release some of the things going on in my head. Get my toes and nails done. Get my eyelashes done. My brows threaded. All these things are beautiful to me. I’ll continue to message my friend girls and check on them. Pray as much as possible. I even need to start back fasting. I now enjoy washing clothes and folding them away. Thursday I had a doctors appointment. The lady at the front desk says, “ Oh my you smell good, what are you wearing?” I said Gain and softener. I get that all the time now. It makes me smile because I hear Mista saying it.

In closing, to my sisters be true to yourselves. You’re not a man. You weren’t created to be equal with a man in the sense of their might and their mind set. Be the beautiful woman God created you to be. Always walk in your glory with your head held high and your shoulders squared properly. Stop leaning over so much messing up your posture. I see that so much and it vex me. I want to say, “baby straighten your back and shoulders up. I just saw a woman the other day at a nice restaurant in a beautiful hunched over, smh.” Look like a woman. Feel like a woman and most importantly be a woman. Your season is upon you. Don’t fall into the traps that society has highlighted to be okay. Cover your bodies. Take care of your health. Eat right. Exercise. Love. Love those that don’t love you back even the more. I’m here with you. I stand with you. Be encouraged.

Man listen,

I’ve decided that before I ever settle again for another relationship I’ll be by myself. I’ve decided that I’m enough and that I don’t need to be married to feel loved. Now with that comes the reality that I’ll not be sexual either. I guess that’s also known as Asexual! My Jesus just typing that seems terrible but hey, it is what it is. I will not sleep around. That’s never been me. And I’m not dating just to be with someone. I’ve learned that either I ignore the signs that people show me for whatever reason or people are very good at covering up. I think it’s a combination of both. My first husband totally hid his issues from me. That second one showed me time and time again and I was just stupid not to accept him as the person he showed himself to be. I won’t mention Mark because I’m going to chalk him up to young dumb and I was ignorant.

My goal was to be back situated by the time I’m 50 years old. And that’s still it but being married is no longer a goal. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to married again. It means I’m no longer focused on a relationship anymore. If it happens, awesome. But if it doesn’t, awesome as well.

I plan to travel more, eat a little bit more healthier, and work out consistently. Totally work on me.

It’s no secret that I’m a house person. My children hate that I stay in the house so much. I saw this meme that says something about I pay bills in my house so why wouldn’t I stay in my house. Makes sense to me. So I’ve decided to redo my house. Get out all the old looks and vibes of my previous life and live in my house. Not moving no where. Although my Jesus knows I need some sunshine 95% of the year. However my counselor has told me about some lights that I can buy that will make me feel like I’m in the sun when I’m at home. I’m going to buy them and place them all throughout my house. So one more year of hard working and 2021 is all mine. I’m actually excited and looking forward to it.

A friend of mine had told me a few months ago to sit down and plane things out before I rush into something and that friend was on point. I’ve always been a planner but I’ve always been a runner too when things happen. And I think that ole running spirit had come back on me. But I’ve been by myself since the middle of October and I’ve had plenty of time to think. Through leaving my house for 43 days and me and my puppies sleeping here and there, to my Momma dying causing me to end up in the hospital, to moving back into my house and now my Momma that has been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I’ve had plenty time to cry and think and think and cry. I’m getting too old to be running. Crying is therapeutic and living is worth it. So I’ve decided to live. All is well!

I’ve learned how to crochet finally. I only know two stitches but hey you have to start somewhere. In a few years I’ll get me a service animal and then me and my three babies will just travel. I want to take some trips throughout the US by driving. I think it’ll be fun. Lock the house up, pack the car and drive. Yes. I use to do that a lot and stopped. I realize I miss it. It’s relaxing. Allows me to think freely.

You’re not alone Sis

I share pieces of my life in an effort to let other females know that they’re not alone. Sometimes that’s all we as women want to know, that we’re not alone. We want to know that we’re not stupid for loving the wrong person, for being a teenage mom, for feeling like we’ve not raised our babies right, for all the horrific mistakes we’ve made.

I come to tell you that you’re not Sis. Life is good. Every hardship, every mistake, every year that felt like a decade, every time you didn’t feel beautiful or confident, it’s made you the beautiful woman you are today. You’ll use all those things, the good and the bad, to be the woman that Jesus created you to be. And when it’s all said and done all those things will help you help somebody else.

Often times we don’t know why we go through so much. Although I’m convinced that most of my hiccups in life have been of my own making. But I know that it wasn’t for my destruction. You know how I know? Because I’m still here. I can tell my story to another woman and give her hope. Encourage her. We together can strive to help others. I think. I believe that’s what it’s really about anyways.

So Sis hold your head up. Sit straight up. Square those shoulders and strut. You got this. All things work together. Know this. Believe this and walk in it!

Be encouraged Sis.

Told y’all I’m soft

I’m sick of these videos because they make me cry but the message is so true. So real. They touch the very core of me. They really do.

A friend guy told me I was soft last year and I said, “no I’m not” but I am soft. Things do break me. I am emotional. I do care about others. I do have empathy. Yes I’ve been through things that should’ve made me hard or harder but instead my life lessons have humbled me. They’ve made me cautious and mindful of others. I use to be such a cut throat individual. My Jesus to even think back on how I use to be makes me shrivel to the bones. Jesus has blessed me with a heart of compassion.

I remember telling my pastor in 2018 that I didn’t want to be so forgiving and understanding. I want to be hard and harsh like others and he explained to me my gift. Told me to be thankful and grateful.

Healing is essential. I don’t know where Shaq and Kobe stood at the time of Kobe passing. I’ve not followed basketball in years. When I heard of his passing I was in Atlanta at Pappadeaux with my friend girl and her family. I immediately thought of my daughter and Mista. I know those two love basketball and I haven’t spoken to neither of them. I was suppose to go to the movies afterwards but instead I asked to be dropped back off.

I’m not one to hold grudges. I say what’s on my mind and after that I want to go watch tennis or shop or something. I still want to be cool but I know I can’t make others be like that so I accept that.

Sis. Austin passed last year May and all I hear every time I go through a fall out or a disagreement with someone I love or care about is her saying, “ Sis. San always keep your spirit clean. I don’t care what nobody else does you keep your spirit clean.” That means making amends. That means admitting your wrong doing. Asking for forgiveness and forgiving. I’m not harboring nothing in my heart and I’ll welcome you back with open arms if you ever have a desire to back in my life. I’ve told my daughter that, Mista knows that, everybody that has ever hurt me knows that. I’ll always reach out and apologize. Try to explain where I was coming from and try to convince you that my intentions were well meant. Jesus knows I can’t stand to see strangers hurt so Lord knows I hate to see people I care about hurt. Nope it’s not in me.

Anyways this video of Shaq broke me AGAIN. I try not to watch these things anymore because I know I’m soft. We all do need to take the time out and reach out to people we care about. Stop all this foolish stuff. We don’t know when the last day, time, moment, nor breathe will be. We’re not in control although most of us think we are. We all have an UNKNOWN expiration date. Don’t let it be said to late. Don’t let it be said go late.

Mindful

I’m an early riser. I’m normally up and alert at about 3:30-4am every morning. During that time I’m mindful of the people I care about. I often say a little prayer just asking Jesus to forgive, to bless, to restore, and keep all those that come up before me. I thin check social media and put my TV on the tennis channel if it’s not already there.

I try to be mindful about the days activity. I try to prepare my mental for today’s challenges. On today I’m mindful of life and it’s lessons. I’m mindful of those that truly care and love me. I’m mindful that life and love shouldn’t be taken for granted!

This is where my mind is today!

On today take some time to just reflect of the beauty of life and try to feel and release love! It’s a beautiful feeling!