Over in the midnight hours

You know over in the midnight hour is a phrase I grew up on. My grandmother use to say it all the time pertaining to one thing or another. But as an adult I totally get it now. Well last night I had an “over in the midnight hour” experience. I toss and turn from midnight to 5:30am this morning. You see I’m going through a rough season in my life right now. And last night got really hard. So much so that just typing this entry is bringing about tears.

You know over in the midnight hour doesn’t have to begin at midnight. I’ve had one that came in the middle of the day. Nevertheless I got no sleep last night wrestling with my mind. It was all over the place. It wouldn’t stop and I got into a pity party by myself about myself. How many know Jesus don’t care nothing about your pity party? We’ve already been instructed to “count it all joy” so instead of wallowing in my mess last night I should have gotten up and paced and prayed. I did pray but while lying there. And when you’re lying there thinking of all your drama it’s hard to go into a good prayer. Every time I reached out something would pop up.

My mother’s mother came to mind. She was selling condemns. 😳😳😳. I dont know where it came from but it was so vivid. She has having them delivered but the truck load. I even told her I’d store some in my garage. Then I went back into prayer. Lord Jesus strengthen me on today. Have mercy on my soul. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me. Then my 2003 situation came to me. I begin judging myself on how I handled that situation. How many know that there is therefore NO condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus? I know that but my mind and that ole devil was accusing me of all sorts of things. For those of you that don’t know what I went through in 2003 keep coming by and reading my blog it will all be revealed soon. Again I begin to rebuke the devil and his tactics. I begin to ask Jesus again to help me mortify things body and to cast cares upon him. For I know he cares for me. I begin to beg for Jesus yoke for it’s easy. Then my current situation came. I mean I was crying and sweating. And if you read my previous blog, I went into that fetal position that wrote about. I had gotten low.

Praise God for new grace and mercy on this morning. I’m here and alive and pressing. I’m leaving yesterday behind me and going to press my way into victory. You know last year Jesus gave me I Peter 5:10 so I have to believe that even when things are looking different then the promise he gave me I’m going to continue to stand on his promise for I know that all his promises are yes and amen. How many of you believe that we are not children that walk after what we see but instead we walk by faith calling those things that be not as though they were. So this morning I am claiming victory. I rebuke myself for letting myself get into a rut. I know better. I asked myself whose report was I going to believe. Was I going to allow that ole spirit to take control or was I going to armor up?

Can we be honest for a moment here…..most time when we (I) fall into this kind of thing it’s because I’ve given flesh more attention then my spirit. It’s the truth. We don’t want to admit it but it’s the truth any how. I know it is. Y’all Jesus is real. There is NO temptation common unto to man that Jesus won’t make room for us to escape. Hebrew 10:39 teaches us not to draw back to perdition but instead to go on believing to the saving of our soul.

So although I wasn’t strong enough during my midnight hour experience I encourage you, my readers, to be encouraged on today. Press and fight for your soul. Don’t be defeated. Feed your spirit man so you will had the weapon to stand up against evil and worrying spirits. I compel you to fight for the salvation that was once delivered to the saints. It’s ours but we gone have to take it by force.

Let’s pray for each other. I know I’m not the only one going through. We over come by the blood of the lamb and by the words of our testimonies. Folks dont want to share their testimonies no more today because we all want to look well put together all along we are dying and hurting in the inside.

Is there anything I can stand in the gap with about on today?

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Fetal Position

There are times throughout the day where if I’m not careful I find myself in the fetal position mentally and physically. It use to happen more often then it does now. Now I’m aware of it so I immediately get myself going before I get that low. I learned some skills in counseling.

Sometimes my mind won’t stop. It wants to go back in time and try to figure out why. That’s where it begins. I begin to think of why things happen to me. Why people let me down. Why weren’t people there for me. Why did I have to walk alone. How come people can’t be real. It starts to think about some the worst positions that I’ve been in. But now instead of getting stuck I press. I read. I write. I journal. Or I do what I’m doing now, I start blogging.

My schooling and career is that of analysis so I can over analysis stuff easily. Without even realizing that’s what I’m doing and before you know it I’m about to cry. Now I confess to be a Christian and I know not to look back. There is an example of Lots’ wife looking back so I know the consequences of looking back but I’m speaking my truth in telling you that I’ve been guilty of looking back. I’m trying to practice not looking back because thats where things begin to spiral out of control. So starting back blogging has really been another outlet for me that keeps me from getting into that fetal position.

You know I really do thank Jesus for all that he’s allowed me to experience in my life. I’m literally learning to count it all joy and to think it not strange when I even go through various situation. I’m starting to really be grateful that as he told the devil with Job, have you considered my faithful servant, he’s done and doing the same thing with me.

So you know I like feedback so to you my readers what do you struggle with? Do you ever experience that low level of depression and if you do what do you do to get out of it.

#depression #life #sadness #fetalposition #faith #jesus #health #patience #love #live #growth #beencouraged #strive #thrive #struggle

HELPING

Nothing excites me more then reaching out helping others!  I don’t know how to explain it but something goes through me that is so electric!  I get such a rush from helping others.  I love to see others smile.  I love to see others happy.  I love to give.  My pastor wife use to tell me that I was going to give my family straight to the Poor House.  However today over 8 years later the Lord still meets my needs and I still continue to give!!!

My question is this – is it a selfish act to give?  Are you wrong for the enjoying the benefits of helping others?

Friends and Family tell me what you think?

Sandra Parks 972.569.7938 saprpm@yahoo.com