Over in the midnight hours

You know over in the midnight hour is a phrase I grew up on. My grandmother use to say it all the time pertaining to one thing or another. But as an adult I totally get it now. Well last night I had an “over in the midnight hour” experience. I toss and turn from midnight to 5:30am this morning. You see I’m going through a rough season in my life right now. And last night got really hard. So much so that just typing this entry is bringing about tears.

You know over in the midnight hour doesn’t have to begin at midnight. I’ve had one that came in the middle of the day. Nevertheless I got no sleep last night wrestling with my mind. It was all over the place. It wouldn’t stop and I got into a pity party by myself about myself. How many know Jesus don’t care nothing about your pity party? We’ve already been instructed to “count it all joy” so instead of wallowing in my mess last night I should have gotten up and paced and prayed. I did pray but while lying there. And when you’re lying there thinking of all your drama it’s hard to go into a good prayer. Every time I reached out something would pop up.

My mother’s mother came to mind. She was selling condemns. 😳😳😳. I dont know where it came from but it was so vivid. She has having them delivered but the truck load. I even told her I’d store some in my garage. Then I went back into prayer. Lord Jesus strengthen me on today. Have mercy on my soul. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me. Then my 2003 situation came to me. I begin judging myself on how I handled that situation. How many know that there is therefore NO condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus? I know that but my mind and that ole devil was accusing me of all sorts of things. For those of you that don’t know what I went through in 2003 keep coming by and reading my blog it will all be revealed soon. Again I begin to rebuke the devil and his tactics. I begin to ask Jesus again to help me mortify things body and to cast cares upon him. For I know he cares for me. I begin to beg for Jesus yoke for it’s easy. Then my current situation came. I mean I was crying and sweating. And if you read my previous blog, I went into that fetal position that wrote about. I had gotten low.

Praise God for new grace and mercy on this morning. I’m here and alive and pressing. I’m leaving yesterday behind me and going to press my way into victory. You know last year Jesus gave me I Peter 5:10 so I have to believe that even when things are looking different then the promise he gave me I’m going to continue to stand on his promise for I know that all his promises are yes and amen. How many of you believe that we are not children that walk after what we see but instead we walk by faith calling those things that be not as though they were. So this morning I am claiming victory. I rebuke myself for letting myself get into a rut. I know better. I asked myself whose report was I going to believe. Was I going to allow that ole spirit to take control or was I going to armor up?

Can we be honest for a moment here…..most time when we (I) fall into this kind of thing it’s because I’ve given flesh more attention then my spirit. It’s the truth. We don’t want to admit it but it’s the truth any how. I know it is. Y’all Jesus is real. There is NO temptation common unto to man that Jesus won’t make room for us to escape. Hebrew 10:39 teaches us not to draw back to perdition but instead to go on believing to the saving of our soul.

So although I wasn’t strong enough during my midnight hour experience I encourage you, my readers, to be encouraged on today. Press and fight for your soul. Don’t be defeated. Feed your spirit man so you will had the weapon to stand up against evil and worrying spirits. I compel you to fight for the salvation that was once delivered to the saints. It’s ours but we gone have to take it by force.

Let’s pray for each other. I know I’m not the only one going through. We over come by the blood of the lamb and by the words of our testimonies. Folks dont want to share their testimonies no more today because we all want to look well put together all along we are dying and hurting in the inside.

Is there anything I can stand in the gap with about on today?

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Fetal Position

There are times throughout the day where if I’m not careful I find myself in the fetal position mentally and physically. It use to happen more often then it does now. Now I’m aware of it so I immediately get myself going before I get that low. I learned some skills in counseling.

Sometimes my mind won’t stop. It wants to go back in time and try to figure out why. That’s where it begins. I begin to think of why things happen to me. Why people let me down. Why weren’t people there for me. Why did I have to walk alone. How come people can’t be real. It starts to think about some the worst positions that I’ve been in. But now instead of getting stuck I press. I read. I write. I journal. Or I do what I’m doing now, I start blogging.

My schooling and career is that of analysis so I can over analysis stuff easily. Without even realizing that’s what I’m doing and before you know it I’m about to cry. Now I confess to be a Christian and I know not to look back. There is an example of Lots’ wife looking back so I know the consequences of looking back but I’m speaking my truth in telling you that I’ve been guilty of looking back. I’m trying to practice not looking back because thats where things begin to spiral out of control. So starting back blogging has really been another outlet for me that keeps me from getting into that fetal position.

You know I really do thank Jesus for all that he’s allowed me to experience in my life. I’m literally learning to count it all joy and to think it not strange when I even go through various situation. I’m starting to really be grateful that as he told the devil with Job, have you considered my faithful servant, he’s done and doing the same thing with me.

So you know I like feedback so to you my readers what do you struggle with? Do you ever experience that low level of depression and if you do what do you do to get out of it.

#depression #life #sadness #fetalposition #faith #jesus #health #patience #love #live #growth #beencouraged #strive #thrive #struggle

So I thought…….

I always thought I had an awesome child hood. I wasn’t raised by my biological mother. I don’t honestly know who my REAL father is. I spent some time with my father that died in 2009 and I spent time with the father that died when I was around two. The father that died when I was around two, his mother raised me and that’s who I call momma. She’s still living and she’s 94 years old. Now I’ve always known my biological mother. I lived around the corner from her. She just wasn’t in a position to raise me. I have three sisters and a brother from my mother. We are not that close for so many reasons that I can do an entire blog on that alone.

As you know from previous post I’m in counseling. My counselor is teaching me how to deal with my emotions. So how do I feel about my upbringing? Well I just told you I thought I had an awesome upbringing. But I must admit it was dysfunctional and perhaps that’s why I accept so much dysfunction in my life now and treat it as normal. So now I want to deal with my child hood.

So here we go. No it’s not right that my mother had me and didn’t raise me. It’s not right that I honestly don’t know who my real father is and both are dead now. It’s not right. It’s not right that I was raised by three sets of grand parents; two father parents and one mother parents. My problem is as far as emotions I dint know which one to feel or deal with. I don’t believe I’m sad. I don’t believe I’m depressed or hurt. I mean it is what it is. I’ve learned to be grateful that I didn’t get placed in a foster home. I’m grateful that I had multiple families loving on me. You know the whole village thing. I think I’m a product of the village.

So to my readers I ask you what emotions should one have in this type of upbringing? How was your upbringing? Is it playing a part of your life now and if so is it negative or positive? Talk to me.

#family #life #living #parents #counseling #thinking #grateful #thankful #siblings #grandparents #negative #positive #feelingswheel #dysfunction

Do you have these items in your home?

The kitchen is still king.

LAS VEGAS — Americans want smaller houses and they are willing to strip some of yesterday’s most popular rooms — such as home theaters — from them in order to accommodate changing lifestyles, consumer experts told audiences at the International Builders Show here this week.

 

“This is a traumatic time in this country and the future isn’t something we’re 100% sure about now either. What’s left? The answer for most home buyers is authenticity,” said Heather McCune, director of marketing for Bassenian Lagoni Architects in Park Ridge, Ill.

Buyers today want cost-effective architecture, plans that focus on spaces and not rooms and homes that are designed ‘green’ from the outset,” she said. The key for home builders is “finding the balance between what buyers want and the price point.”

For many buyers, their next house will be smaller than their current one, said Carol Lavender, president of the Lavender Design Group in San Antonio, Texas. Large kitchens that are open to the main family living area, old-fashioned bathrooms with clawfoot tubs and small spaces such as wine grottos are design features that will resonate today, she said.

“What we’re hearing is ‘harvest’ as a home theme — the feeling of Thanksgiving. It’s all about family togetherness — casual living, entertaining and flexible spaces,” Lavender said.

Paul Cardis, CEO of AVID Ratings Co., which conducts an annual survey of home-buyer preferences, said there are 10 “must” features in new homes.

1. Large Kitchens, With an Island

“If you’re going to spend design dollars, spend them where people want them — spend them in the kitchen,” McCune said. Granite countertops are a must for move-up buyers and buyers of custom homes, but for others “they are on the bubble,” Cardis said.

2. Energy-Efficient Appliances, High-Efficiency Insulation and High Window Efficiency

Among the “green” features touted in homes, these are the ones buyers value most, he said. While large windows had been a major draw, energy concerns are giving customers pause on those, he said. The use of recycled or synthetic materials is only borderline desirable.

3. Home Office/Study

People would much rather have this space rather than, say, a formal dining room. “People are feeling like they can dine out again and so the dining room has become tradable,” Cardis said. And the home theater may also be headed for the scrap heap, a casualty of the “shift from boom to correction,” Cardis said.

4. Main-Floor Master Suite

This is a must feature for empty-nesters and certain other buyers, and appears to be getting more popular in general, he said. That could help explain why demand for upstairs laundries is declining after several years of popularity gains.

5. Outdoor Living Room

The popularity of outdoor spaces continues to grow, even in Canada, Cardis said. And the idea of an outdoor room is even more popular than an outdoor cooking area, meaning people are willing to spend more time outside.

6. Ceiling Fans

7. Master Suite Soaker Tubs

Whirlpools are still desirable for many home buyers, Cardis said, but “they clearly went down a notch,” in the latest survey. Oversize showers with seating areas are also moving up in popularity.

8. Stone and Brick Exteriors

Stucco and vinyl don’t make the cut.

9. Community Landscaping, With Walking Paths and Playgrounds

Forget about golf courses, swimming pools and clubhouses. Buyers in large planned developments prefer hiking among lush greenery.

10. Two-Car Garages

A given at all levels; three-car garages, in which the third bay is more often then not used for additional storage and not automobiles, is desirable in the move-up and custom categories, Cardis said.