Things are looking up for me

I did absolutely NOTHING today. I got off work and laid around and now I feel awesome! Sometimes you need to just do nothing. It’s refreshing, I promise! I spoke to a friend early this morning. Then later I spoke to the lady that cleans my house that’s become a good friend of mine. I’m excited because things are starting to look up for me. You know I said I’m giving myself four years to get my life together. I’m in no rush. It’s going to be some small moves here and there but they’ll be vital to the big picture. I’m sitting over smiling as I type thing.

This is not a long post. I just want to encourage you that whatever you’re doing or where ever you are in life it’s ok! Don’t let it overwhelm you. I was experiencing anxiety last week. It helps to have a BEST friend that’s a PA. I need to send her so many $19.95’s for all the medical help she’s given me over the years. Don’t try to understand that, it’s a joke between the two of us. 😂😂😂. Our relationship goes back to 1994. Our relationship has been tested and proven. I love her with my all. But okay I say this to say that everything will be okay. I promise you. Just make small adjustments everyday.

Intentionally

I’m excited for these last three months of 2019. I plan to be intentional. You know a friend told me yesterday to plan and stop rushing to do things. It was good advice. Anybody that knows me knows I’m a planner. But I’ve been off my game here lately. So, it’s good to have people in your circle that’ll bring you back in. Like a lifeguard. I can’t swim so if I ever go to the pool, which I normally don’t, I’d need to have a lifeguard near. This friend was my lifeguard on yesterday and today I’m grateful.

Today was such a blessing. I didn’t read nor journal but my mind was stable. It wasn’t racing. I didn’t think of old times. I stayed in the moment. Yaaasss! I love it. So today was a WIN. Somebody told me I needed to get some wins under my belt to build some momentum. So today was that quick start that I needed. Smiling as I type. Picture this. I’m laying in bed wiggling my toes. TV on in the background with CNN and there every thirty minutes breaking news headline. Heat on 78. Eating on some sweet tarts, chilling. Life’s good and I’m claiming that I’ll finish the year with such peace and joy in my heart. As a matter of fact I’m decreeing it. You know the word says we can decree a thing. I have to start using my benefits. I have to start back speaking the word over my life. Yes that’s exactly it.

Living in expectancy

So to all my beautiful sisters that are struggling, growing, yes GROWING, through life’s transitional phases, to my sisters that got it going on, you too, be encouraged. We have about 90 days left in 2019, let’s make them count. Let’s do the work to tighten up our shot group and make our dreams come alive. Don’t compare your story with no one else. Stay in your own lane, but grind. 🥰🥰

Embrace Your WOW Factor!

I started reading in 2017 and I can’t stop. At some point I need to put these books down and take action. However, every time I start, I see another good book, help me please! I need an intervention. But no not really! I try not to buy more books, I promise I do but I’ll pass it up and not buy it but It’ll stay in my mind. Before you know it I’m on Amazon buying the book.

I want to speak about a book I just read by Mrs. Paris Love titled, Embrace Your WOW Factor, 7 Ways to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses. I read this book yesterday. You will not stop till you finish reading it, I promise! It’s a quick read filled with golden nuggets that resonates with you. As you know I blog a lot about the emotional and mental trauma I’ve experienced. This sister here is on point with her steps to advance you beyond the hurt and pain. You can purchase your very own copy at EMBRACE Your WOW Factor: 7 Steps to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses https://www.amazon.com/dp/1692855913/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EYJJDbD4MKMN0. And while you there order a copy for a friend girl like I did. I’d love to start an online book group to discuss the information that this book reveals.

A MUST Read!

People ask me all the time why do I forgive so easily. Or folks don’t understand how you can forgive someone for molesting your child. Or a spouse that has had a child on you while you’re still married. Honestly it’s not for anyone to understand. I can tell you that I often times don’t want to forgive. The easy thing is to stay in the pain. Have a pity party. Accuse the person of all their evil. Hold the grudge. Constantly lash out at them for the hurt. Question I have is what does that profit? They say San how can you smile through all you’ve been through? My question back to them is, how can I NOT smile through what I’ve been through. Regardless to what I’ve been through I have no need or desire to complain. Now mind you I went through phases where I wanted the first hubby killed, literally. And the second one I busted a vase over his head and damaged his precious baby, his convertible BMW. But it was for a season. I’m able to care and love both of them. Don’t wish either of them no harm. For after all that, I realized it was time to deal with Sandra. Renew Sandra. Fix Sandra. Love on Sandra! So I began counseling and put the work in.

As Mrs. Love spoke about balance and taking care of you in her book, I felt it all. When a person doesn’t take care of themselves, I call it being a busy body. Distractions. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re not taking care of ourselves because we clean up so well. We look soo good on the outside while the inside is literally deteriorating. I was fabulous at doing it all. I’d pay the $300 for the sew-in. I’d buy the hair bundles for $400 plus. I’d pay $2000 for the Valentino bag! Yes I did all that and some. But I was broken in the inside. See I was a busy body my entire life. I started having children early and got married early. Actually I’ve been married my entire adult life. And yes I love the institution of marriage! However my busy body activities were always trying to be a perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend. Give back to the community. Look out for others. I went through phases of blaming myself for years. See I know the word of God. Even when I’m not living it I know it. I beat myself up because I felt that had I been praying and watching as the Bible instructed then I would have known what was going on in my house. But I thank God for counseling and this book. And how I’m still learning to NOT blame myself and to STOP apologizing. The steps that Mrs. Love speaks about in her book that I love so much are biblical. It’s not Jesus desire for us to live under all this hurt and pain. And magnifying someone’s wrong doing does nothing for you. Often times when we hurt somebody it’s not the person that’s getting hurt that it’s about, it’s about the person that’s committing the actions. They’re dealing with their own demons. I learned this the hard way. When somebody hurts you, you want that person to suffer and suffer long. But when you in the mercy seat you want favor. You want understanding. You want forgiveness. I’m telling you I know what I’m talking about because I’ve experienced this. Let that mess go. Let it all go. Focus on you. Get help. I saw this and it hit the point the book and myself are encouraging us all to do.

Try it! Daily!

I also had to learn to stop with the negative talking. I’m broke. He hurt me. I’m tired. All that negative talking picks up momentum the more you feed it. So I had to learn to change my thought process. I still catch myself doing and I try to switch it up. I’m not broke. Stop buying dresses and going to watch tennis when you know you don’t have the money, which is probably NOT gone happen. I’m just being honest here! Sis the book speaks on all that. The Bible even teaches us that’s it’s not what goes in the body that defiles the temple. It’s what comes out. It teaches us there is life and death in the tongue. I love reading. Absolutely love it. And I only read self-help, non-fiction and autobiographies, biographies, and memoirs. But guess what? Everything we need is in those 66 books! I promise you. The Holy Bible is THE Book!

Mrs. Love speaks of living in the NOW! How many of you know that the word of God teaches us to take no thought for tomorrow? Look it up. It’s in there. Why worry about tomorrow? It has its own issues. Plus he said if he feeds the birds how much more will he do for us. The bird don’t be flying around stressed and worried. Sis again, let that mess go. Take in today. It’s beautiful. We miss so much worrying about tomorrow and yesterday too. Here’s a problem that I have. Something happens, let’s say on Monday. I shake it off or really don’t even realize it happened. Come Wednesday I’m all the way back in Monday analyzing what happened. How crazy is that? But I do this. It’s stressful. It’s unnecessary. Don’t let me go to that person. They be like, “San gone with all that!” I’m telling you thats crazy huh? But I do that. But guess what I can work on that. And it all starts with me.

Also I like how she recognized she had to go through her experiences to get the book! Yes sisters. There is a book in us. Don’t feel bad. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t force something that won’t fit. Go through. Get the testimony. Get the book! My Lord I felt that. I was just sharing with a sister that I have this burning in my belly that gives me anxiety because I want so very badly to tell and share my story because I know it’ll help others. She encouraged me to step out on faith and I know she’s right. But I know my weakest characteristic is patience. I have none. I was talking a friend on yesterday about working on getting myself back together. Sometimes I get discouraged because I can’t do the things I use to do. That right there is a negative thought process because that’s living in the past. See I’m not there either Sis but I’m working on it. We will all get there is we acknowledge it and put the work in. Take day by day and step by step.

Romans 12:3

I think over the years I’ve convinced myself that I was this perfect mom and wife. Well the truth of matter is that I wasn’t. And I’m not. I wasn’t faithful. I think I’ve justified my lies and deceit because it was always with the same guy over the years. But reality is a lie is a lie. I will never be perfect nor do I have a desire to be. However I do have a desire to always strive to be a better version of myself. Sometimes to others that can look like being ungrateful but I know that it’s me striving and thriving. Something that I wholeheartedly believe in. Perhaps that’s the real truth why I can forgive so easily. I don’t know.

Anyways sisters get the book. Read the book. Pray. Seek help. Learn to get you a daily praise. Get yourself by yourself and start dealing with YOU. What I’ve come to realize is that most of our hardship begins with US. it’s something going on in the insides. But one thing I do know is the struggles, the battles, the let downs, the upsets, the heartbreaks, they all come to build character. They’re not for our destruction. You can live after the pain. As a matter of fact you will live after the hurt. But it’s going to be up to you how you choose to live. I love you and I love this book. Mrs. Paris Love thank you for this gem. Thank you for being transparent. Thank you for being authentic!

Do as I say not as I do

We’ve all heard this before, do as I say not as I do. I was told this as a child and I’ve told my children this. And if I haven’t said it directly I’ve said it indirectly. Is it right to feel this way? I don’t know. I never really thought about it till now.

I have three children and I’ve taught them not to lie, steal, or cheat. Don’t go around hurting people feelings. Stand up for yourselves. Speak your truth. I’ve told my sons not to mistreat a lady. Don’t screw a female in your parents house and not in the car. I told them if they can’t afford to take her to a nice hotel then they don’t deserve the cookies. I’ve told them to never allow their girl to touch the door to enter nor exit. Always allow the female to walk on the inside. That they’re suppose to pay when they go out on dates. I taught all three of them to tip the waitress. If you can’t afford to tip then go buy fast food. Everything that I just mentioned are things that I’ve not done myself. Still I wanted these morals and values to be instilled in my children.

My daughter, I told her to know her worth. I always told her she was beautiful. She was a mess as a little girl. It was her way or no way, even at school. She’s always had a strong personality and a mother instinct. She had a thing with limousine. So when she was a child I made sure she road in one for leisure a few times. I made sure she went to the hair salon weekly. Got her toes and nails done. I made sure she got facials and massages. I made sure she wore the best clothes and shoes. I did all this so a man couldn’t easily entice her with stuff. As a family we took road trips and went on vacations. Every year for their birthdays I tried to get all three of them everything they wanted and more. Not tried, I did.

I told them not eat junk food. Eat their vegetables. Don’t drink. Don’t do drugs. Don’t sleep around. Stay out the clubs. Don’t be out in those streets, they’ll age you. You can’t beat them. I made my children read books. Well the older two. My daughter is the oldest. For years she had to iron her and and her two brothers clothes every Sunday night for the entire week. I made them wake up every Saturday morning to clean the house, early, and I mean early. I also taught them not to sleep all day. Get up early because the early bird catches the worms. Did I do all these things? Nope not all but most of them I did. Regardless if I did them or not I thought the above mentioned things were vital to my children success. To their growth into adulthood. And guess what? For the most part my children do most of these things still. Of course they do things that I told them not to do. They are now 29, 27, and 22 years old. So they have to hold fast to that that works for them and lay other things down that don’t.

I know I’ve mentioned before that I’m old school. I believe in the old way. This new age stuff don’t get me. I don’t relate to most of it. Children talking back to their parents, fighting their parents, disrespecting them, I don’t get none of that. It vexes me. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t say I deserve the mother of year award. I don’t think that my way of parenting was perfect. I made a lot of mistakes. My Lord a lot. But what I will say is that I did my BEST. I did what I felt was right in my heart. If I had to redo it I can’t honestly say I’d do something different.

I raised my babies in church. I taught them to pray. To forgive. To love. Take care of those that were less fortunate. Be respectful. Be a giver and not just receive. I didn’t raise them on holidays. They never had a valentine, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, trick nor a treat, and surely not Christmas. I told them every since they were ankle high that they don’t have nobody but each other. They’ve been doing community service events since they were literally babies. My goal was that I wanted them to be good abiding citizens. I wanted them to know Jesus. Have a prayer life. Know who to call when they needed help. I wanted them to always be there for each other.

Now with all that I also believed in chastisement and punishment. My children will tell you I beat their behinds real good. They won’t say it like that though. My daughter and my baby boy will be overly dramatic when they share their stories about being chastised. I told them a police will never have to touch them because they will know how to behave. Thus far my prophecy is true. All three of my babies are very respectful children. Doing well in life. Holding themselves down. Are they perfect? What a stupid question for none of us are. But they are my perfect babies. Each one adds a different dimension of life to me. Me and the older two grew up together. The baby boy was my first real baby because I had to do him alone. No granny’s and aunts and uncle just me and his dad. He’d cry and we’d ask each other what’s wrong. Neither one of us knew. The older two thinks he’s more spoil. I think all three were spoiled.

Anyways even after typing this the title says do as I say and not as I do. How do I feel about that statement? I still think that children were placed under the leadership of parents and it’s our responsibility to raise them and protect them. To nourish them. Chastise them. Love them. Show them the world. I did my best to all of that. Yes I do think that children should do as they are told and not as their parents do. But I also think that parents should be role models so if they do so happen to do as they see their parents do it won’t be something bad. I’ve done bad things. Even if my children didn’t see me do it I told them. This has been a curse and a blessing for me. My children have used my bad and tried to hold it against and try to hurt me with it. Perhaps I’ve done the same. Some don’t believe in chastisement. So I often wonder if they feel when I was beating their behinds is I was using their wrong against them. My granny taught me to spare the rod spoil the child. This parenting is an ever learning journey. I’m still learning and adjusting. I have very strong morals and values that I’m not willing to change with the times of today but day by day and grace by grace Jesus is dealing with me and I’m grateful. To all the families out there be encouraged and hang in there. We gone make it. Down but not out!

All over the place

I’m such a basic woman. Meaning I just like the basics. You know a clean house. A decent ride. Some tennis. Tuna, salad, pineapple juice and cranberry juice. I LOVE love. I love puppies. I have two beautiful Maltese that love me dearly and I love them back. Of course I love my beautiful three children and my granny. Other than that I believe I’m just basic. Oh I can’t forget fashion, traveling, and the spa. That’s not too bad, right!

I was told I have too much time on my hand by someone that I cared a lot about. I was also told that I go too much and I stay too busy by someone that I met about 4 years ago and whom I’ve grown to respect. So which is it? Do I have too much time on my hand or do I stay too busy? Well both statements were made during different seasons of my life. One was made recently and one was made a few years ago. Well the truth is as of now when I’m not working I do have time to do other things and that’s what I do. I read and write. Watch the news and tennis. Go watch live tennis. Work out every so often and chill with my puppies. I’d say I’m not as busy as I use to be. I did use to stay on the go. Not so much now. Been there. Done that. Have all sorts of proof and evidence. I’m good now. So I’m more reserve and laid back now. I’ve always been a home body though. If I’m ever in Texas you’d find me at home or church. I’d go get my toes and nails done and to the spa and gym and back home. I don’t like clubs or parties so there’s not a lot of places for me to go when I’m home.

Walking and running always allow me to clear some space in my head. I got up this morning and walked for a hour. It felt good. So now I’m back home just soaking and listening to music. Times like these are so stress free and relaxing. I love it. I enjoy the down time. Especially in the comfort of my own house. Days like these are needed. I need that me time. That alone time to just chill, think, and relax.

Last night I went to church and my it was just what I needed. I have a friend here visiting me from Baltimore whom has been going through some similar things so I asked her if she’d like to attend church and she said yes. I’m so glad she said yes because I know had she not said she wanted to go I wouldn’t have gone. But the word was spoken directly to me. The nerves of me to walk and act like I don’t know what Jesus has done for me. The message really dealt with me. I woke up this morning and turned my face into my pillows and got out an ugly prayer. I mean I prayed. But I’m back at “not my will but your will oh Lord be done.” Asking Jesus to help me completely surrender to him, AGAIN! I’m believing it will be so too.

I spent the last two days crying out for something that I wanted. I had never done that before. NEVER! This being authentic in every area of my life is a challenge at times. I’m such an old soul. I just don’t agree with a lot of this advance stuff. But in being authentic that means with my emotions and my feelings too. In every area of my life. You know the word says we have not because we ask not. So I’ve spent the last two days asking for what I want. It wasn’t hard at all I just had to be venerable. I had to accept the fact that the answer maybe no. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear no. As a matter of fact I know I didn’t want to hear no. But I took a deep swallow and began sharing my feelings and asking for what I want. Now I still haven’t gotten a verbal response yet. So that can be either a good or bad sign. Or I can simply assume the answer is no. I’m not 100% sure which direction I’ll take. Right now I’ve decided to get back to blogging. I hadn’t blogged in over a week. To be honest I’ve been working on this post for over a week. I just couldn’t stay focused for some reason. I’d start and about two or three minutes into the post I’d lose focus and put it away. So this is one of those post that will have several themes or topics. I apologize for that.

Living through it All

This is probably going to be a post where I talk about all sorts of things and I may not be able to tie it all together. We shall see! Sometimes I blog from a place of chaos. Doesn’t mean anything is going on just sometimes my thoughts are all over. And on this morning I have so much going on in my head. I think I’ll share a piece of my journal with you from 2017. You’ve heard me mention I was in a dark place for a season of my life. The other day I went through some of those journals and I laughed and cried. The tears weren’t bad though. I didn’t relive the pain. The tears were that I became so proud of myself that I took the time to actually deal with myself and my feelings. Like remember I’ve had an image to portray. I had to appear like I had it all together. A perfect marriage. Perfect and awesome kids. Saved. Sanctified. Holy Ghost filled. Nice house and car. Designer clothes. You know, I had to act like my stuff didn’t smell. 🤣🤣🤣. Mind you I don’t know where I got that idea from. I don’t know who told me I had to live a lie. I’ve never been big on television. I don’t do reality shows. I think I was raised okay. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. So where did all the faking come from? Good People, I don’t know! Heck perhaps if I knew I wouldn’t have been behaving that way.

The other day I was trying to find a particular writing that I did but came across a posting of me trying to explain the pain I was experiencing. I can tell you I know that I was losing faith during that entry. I can tell from my writing. No need to share the entire entry for it was three pages long. You know, someone said to me the other day that I act like what I’m going through doesn’t hurt. Like everything is okay. The person said they know I’m hurting because had it happen to them they’d be hurting. I don’t know why the person feels that way. They are entitled to feel how they please. I’ve never fronted like I don’t experience hurt. Anger. Pain. Like I don’t get upset. But what I’ve decided to do is not allow the situation to consume me. I’m not going into the fetal position. Therapy has cost me a lot of money because my counselor is out of network so I’m paying a lot of money to see her. How I deal with my emotions are different now. What does it profit me to cry all day or lay around with unforgiveness in my heart. Or hate people. So what I do is try to work through the emotions when they come up. I read. I write. I journal. I blog. Sometimes I do a little work out routine. I’ve learned some skills to help me with my emotions. I don’t ignore them. Nope! Not any more! I work through them. I shared with you all a book I use and it’s an awesome resource. I promise you it’s helpful. Meditation is also helpful. You can do it at any time. Any place. But guess what regardless if you deal with your situations or not life goes on. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m moving along. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️.

I had always said if I ever got married again that I wasn’t getting a divorce. We will fight through whatever. But in order for that to happen, the fighting part, it takes two. You can’t fight by yourself. Well I guess you can and I have, for years! Just not anymore. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. I also had to consider what I was accepting. And even then how much I wanted to accept. At some point reality comes and slap you around like they do on WWF. At that moment you have no other choice but to wake up.

Every post I write on here my goal is to inspire. Uplift. Encourage. I never want you to leave the page feeling worst than when you came. But I also must speak MY truth. No more tip toeing around or sugar coating my feelings. My goal moving forward is to be transparent. Authentic. I pray that’s what we all want to do. I’m going to let all my skeletons out. For no one on this earth is really able to judge anyone. Now I know the good book tells us to judge righteously. So the good book is right and I’m wrong. So if you want to call me out for something biblically feel free but please be walking the walk yourself. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

So here’s an excerpt from a dark moment in my life. Let me know what you think. Have you ever felt this way? What did you do to bounce back? Did you work through it or did you act like you were so strong and ignored the pain? Either way I want to hear from you! Remember we in a judge free zone here. Be encouraged on today. Life is beautiful. A scripture that stays in my heart is this, There is NO temptation common unto man that Christ won’t make a way to escape. We can overcome anything. I promise you we can. If you want to know where the scripture can be found google it. It’s 2019. Do we even need a Bible today? Don’t answer that. Of course we do. 😜😜😜

Girl you’re glowing

I was told today that I look awesome. That I had a glow about myself. I keep hearing that lately. I’ve been told this by several people, male and female. I don’t know what it means exactly. I look happy? Shiny? I do have oily skin! Regardless to what they mean I’m grateful for the compliment. For if we are comparing June 13th 2018 to June 13th 2019 I surely have something to glow about. I am happy and my face is shiny and it’s my prayer that I continue to glow! 🥰🥰🥰

I’m trying to keep my circle small and eliminate drama in my life. I don’t care who you are if you’re not going to make me laugh or smile I don’t want you in my presence. I no longer care about the fancy houses and cars. I don’t care about the designer shoes and clothes no more. I want love, good love making, tennis, and to travel. Yes I do. Go ahead, judge me. I dont care! 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

You know I don’t know if there is such a thing as a real woman or a real man. As compared to what? A fake person? 🤔🤔🤔. Whatever. I’d say I’m going through a growth sprout. I’ve lived a little and learned a lot. I’m still me though. I’m still silly. Loud and very country. Yes ma’am I am. Born and raised on the south side of Chicago but as country as those from deep Mississippi. And I love it. I’ve been blessed my entire life. Inspite of the things I’ve gone through I’ve been fortunate that none of my upheavals have destroyed me. As a matter of fact they’ve made me stronger. Wiser. Taught me compassion. Empathy. Things that I hadn’t always had for people that I didn’t care about. So I thank Jesus for every scare for they’re my testimony.

People say, “San how can you forgive this person or that person for what they’ve done?” My response is the same way Jesus keeps forgiving me. My Lord I mess up everything. If not by action or by speaking then for sure by my thoughts. So it’s so easy for me to forgive now. It’s not always been easy though. I use to cut people off so quick. I’d give them “a piece of my mind” so quickly. Now not so much. Especially if you’re someone I care about. I want to talk it out. Try to reason with you. It just makes more sense to me.

On today I totally feel unbothered. Woke up this morning happy and feeling a sense of peace. I have not one complaint. Regardless to what’s happened or going to happen or what’s happening right now I feel fabulous. Sometimes different little things pop up in my head and I just laugh or smile. Like it just happened. 🤣🤣🤣.

You know I’m a special individual. Literally. My thought process is weird folks may say. I’m Green I’ve been told. Im stuck in another time frame. I think different. I’m old fashion. Yeah I’m all that and I love it. So have your thoughts about me. Who cares? I don’t! I know that I’m a good person. A lot of imperfections and flaws. But a huge heart full of love. Full of hope and encouragement. I believe that’s the glow they see in me. They see that heart of mine. I mean well. Don’t want to hurt no one. Just want to laugh, love, and live. And guess what? I pray that everyone that reads this post do the same. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

It’s Over Now

My theme in my heart this week is it’s over now. I mean that literally. Everything I’ve been through. All the bad memories. All the pain. The setbacks. The letdowns. The fighting and arguing. The holding grudges. The lying and cheating. It’s Over Now!

Sunday, the beginning of the new week is the beginning of a new life for me. All things beautiful. I’ve decided to see the good in everything and everyone. I don’t care what they’ve done or doing. I’m only seeing the good. Everything else is rolling off and underneath me. I will have tunnel vision that will only see the good.

It’s so much easier. It’s easier to stay in that zone of peace and there is no way to do that if you’re constantly allowing situations and people to pull you in every direction. You have to be able to stand and not be tossed to and from. What I’ve learned is that in life you’ll have good days and all will be well. But you will also have bad days and guess what? All can still be well. It’s how you deal with those bad days. Everything is based on perspective.

Has anyone read the book, Man’s Search for Meaning? If not you should. It’s about a doctor and how he overcame being in a concentration camp and losing his family. He survived. It was all perspective. It really is. Now the book is deeper than that. If you haven’t read it you should. If you’re wondering why you going through. Or if you can make it through what you going through you should read this book to get some insight.

I had been meaning to blog about why I believe life is NOT short. Instead of blogging about why I believe life is NOT short I’d encourage you to read the book. After reading this book come back and give me your thoughts. I’d love to know if you still think life is short. I believe life is what you make it. I believe we can easily live to be 110 years young but it’s going to take a lot of effort on our part. There are many editions of the book out there. This is the one I read. I pray you can read and grasp the meaning.

I’ve been very busy here lately working and dealing with life but I wanted to come by and just leave some encouragement. Check out this song on YouTube. Listen to the words and then dance and dance like no one is watching too. #beencouraged 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

I like candy

I’ve been working a lot to keep myself busy and to stay out of trouble. Yeap I’m grown but can still find myself in some type of trouble. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. Just keeping it 💯 as the young people say. 😉😉

For the entire month of May I took myself off candy. It first started off hard. I would have headaches and be sort of antsy, if that’s a word and I pray it’s spelled right if so. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️. So come June 1st I wanted candy very badly, so I thought. Like I thought I just had to have some. I went and got me some red vines. Of course I ate them like they were the last supper. 🤣🤣. But guess what? The next morning I woke up with a stomach ache. 😪😪.

So about two days later I tried to eat some more candy. This time some chocolate turtles. Now you know your granny gave you turtles when you were a kid. Everybody love turtles. Welp, guess what? Nope!! I couldn’t eat them. What in the world is happening to me? I’ve loved candy my entire life. Lord you can’t possibly be taking that taste away from me now?🤔🤔. Or are you? Please don’t answer that. 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️

So right about now I’m looking just like this filter from Snapchat has me looking. Crazy. There is no way a sister can stop having candy be a part of her diet. So okay the next thing is this. I was somewhere and saw this grown woman with some tropical Mike & Ike’s. So I said to myself, “self, you know you love those.” So I went right to the store and got me some. Oh my Jesus they were soooooo good. My Lord they were the best. I ate the WHOLE box. I sure did. The big size too. I sure in the heck did. Don’t judge me at all. 👊🏽👊🏽. I begin to thank Jesus that I hadn’t lost the taste on my pallet for candy. Praise God! Hallelujah! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

So now on this Wednesday afternoon I’m feeling AWESOME. I’m grateful and thankful to the sweet gods that I’ve not lost the taste for candy. I’m extremely happy. I’m blessed that Jesus gave me the power to resist and stay faithful for the goal that I had set for myself. But my oh my I’m also grateful that I still love my candy. Now the next goal is to just eat it in moderation. I know I can do it, I’m speaking faith here. You know calling things that be not as though they were/are. 🙏🏽🙏🏽

Does anybody else set goals such as this? I struggle with my bad eating habits and every once in a while I do this. But this is the FIRST time I didn’t long for candy after coming off the break. Even now I’m not craving candy. Don’t even want any. That right there alone is complete VICTORY. 🗣🗣.

Moral of the story is whatever you purpose in your heart you can accomplish. Resist and IT will flee. 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

Happiness

You know I hear people say all the time they just want to be happy. What is happy. What does it look like? Each person has its own view of what happy is. But happy is situational. When everything is going well and in your favor you’re happy. But can you still be happy when things aren’t going well. When things are not going your way? I don’t knock what people want. But being happy is not my goal. I’ve taken a few lost in my life. Each one knocked the wind out of me. But I can honestly tell you that during those situations I was able to be happy from time to time. It was a thought process per se.

Dictionary definitions of happy:

hap·py
/ˈhapē/
adjective
adjective: happy; comparative adjective: happier; superlative adjective: happiest; suffix: -happy
  1. feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
  2. “Melissa came in looking happy and excited”
    • having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation).
    • “I was never very happy about the explanation”
    • satisfied with the quality or standard of.
    • “I’m happy with his performance”
    • willing to do something.
    • “we will be happy to advise you”
    • (of an event or situation) characterized by happiness.
    • “we had a very happy, relaxed time”
    • used in greetings.
    • “happy birthday”
  3. fortunate and convenient.
  4. “he had the happy knack of making people like him”
  5. INFORMAL
  6. inclined to use a specified thing excessively or at random.
  7. “our litigation-happy society.

Now don’t get me wrong. Nothing wrong with striving to be happy. But for me what I’ve learned is that I can be happy at 4:30 PM and then sad at 4:31 PM. Just like that. So what I’ve come accustomed to is balance. Just trying to balance out everything. Being on the lookout and dealing with every emotion that enters my mind. If I feel it I work through it. I don’t deny it. I don’t brush it off. Now sometimes I’m not able to deal with my emotions by talking. I have to write. Other times I pray. But I no longer brush things off. I deal with it. Now I’m old school so I surely believe in picking and choosing my battles. Sometimes I find myself all mangled and contorted but then I use some tools such as meditating. Take six breathes in hold for eight and release ten. It works. I promise. After that I’m normally able to journal to work through the emotion.

When am I happy? When I’m watching tennis. When I’m those that I love. When my house is clean. When all my babies are doing well. When I see couples laughing and playing with each other. When I see puppies. I’m sure there are other moments that I’m happy too.

Yesterday I was driving to work. Me and my daughter were on the phone acting silly like we do. Not only was I happy but I was overwhelmed with joy because those that know us know we’ve had some challenges in our relationship. So when we ON I’m on cloud 13. I suck it all in too because I know if I should happen to disagree or tell her about herself she’ll cut me off. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. It’s cool though. I don’t bite my tongue around her. She always come back around and I welcome her with the same arms and love. But any who she told me she’d call me back so I called my grandmother. Now my grandmother is my prize piece. She raised me. She imparted your ways, thoughts, beliefs upon me. When I was younger they’d call me Lil Pennie because her name is Pennie. So I had asked her about baking. She answered my question and then said, “called me back during daylight.” Mind you it was about 1pm in the afternoon. So I said ok. But my feelings were hurt. I was no longer happy. I had to hold my head back to keep the tears from falling. I immediately called my uncle Dale, her care provider, but he didn’t answer. My daughter by then had called me back so I told her my concern. She tried to encourage me. But just like that my happiness turned to sadness.

My grandmother has dementia and I just can’t seem to accept it because she says things to me that in my mind she has to still be in her right mind. You couldn’t say the things she say if you weren’t. My uncle keeps trying to get me to accept it but sometimes I just can’t see it. I’m normally on cloud 13. I’m pushing 50 but I promise you I can play from 4am to about 8pm. I love to laugh. I love messing and picking on people. I dont know it’s just fun you know! 🤣😂🤣😂. I think I may have some adult ADHD along with many other things. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤔😳. Whatever. I’m just HAPPY, right? Well I was very down yesterday after the conversation with my granny. My other uncle said she was having a bad day. She wouldn’t feed herself so he had to feed her yesterday. Took me a couple hours to bounce back. See what I should have done was used a tool that I’ve learned in counseling instead of letting that emotion of sadness consume me. However I’m still proud of myself because I didn’t try to act like it didn’t bother me. I allowed myself to be in the moment with that feeling. My counselor would’ve been proud of that fact. But she would be asking me questions like what could I have done to not stay so low for so long. I’m sure if I were at home I’d had gone into the fetal position. I dont know why I’m afraid she’s going to die because the truth is, she’s going to die. But I promise you the thought works my nerves. She’s outlived a husband, two sons, and her only two daughters. The woman is a beast at this thing called life.

So back to happy. Happy is awesome. I love being and feeling happy. But I also know that being happy is situational. Hopefully you can tell somethings that make me happy by looking at my pictures throughout this post.

When are you most happy? What makes you happy? Have you ever been happy and then just like that sad? Talk to me.

Love

Merriam Webster definitions of love is as follows:

  • a  (1) : strong Affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties maternal love for a child
  •  (2) :attraction based on sexual desire :affection and tenderness felt by lovers After all these years, they are still very much in love.
  •  (3) :affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests love for his old schoolmates
  • b : an assurance of affection give her my love
  • 2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion love of the sea
  • 3a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration baseball was his first love
  • b  (1) : a beloved person : darling often used as a term of endearment
  •  (2)British  used as an informal term of address
  • 4a : unselfish loyal and benevolent(see benevolent) concern for the good of another: such as
  •  (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind
  •  (2) :brotherly concernfor others
  • b : a person‘s adoration of God
  • 5: a god (such as Cupid or Eros) or personification of love
  • 6: an amorousepisode : love affair
  • 7: the sexualembrace :copulation
  • 8: a score of zero(as in tennis)
  • 9capitalized, Christian Science: god
  • at love
  •  : holdingone’s opponentscoreless in tennis
  • in love
  •  : inspired by affection

Choose either one it’s nothing negative about the word love.

Now there’s 106 scriptures pertaining to love from the KJV of the Holy Bible. There’s no way I can list them all but here are a few:

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.

And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

Oh my there are tons. And I didn’t pick or choose based on any criteria. My blog is simply about love. What it is. NOT what it is NOT.

I’m a tennis junkie. I love tennis. Everything about it. It makes me happy during my worst times. It makes me scream and holla. I love the fashion. I love tennis etiquette. I love the class of tennis. I love watching it. I use to take lessons but haven’t in years because honestly I’m not athletic at all. But I do plan to start back taking lessons soon.

I believe I have genuine love in my heart for others. I believe just as anyone else I can get heated. And I can get angry and go in but somehow or another if I care about you and/or love you then there isn’t NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING that I wouldn’t do for you. Hmmmm well maybe that’s a bit extreme. But you know what I’m saying. I have morals and values and beliefs that I won’t go against but outside of those I got you.

This is one of my many affirmations. I share in hopes that it’ll be yours too. I try to meditate daily. Clear my mind. Get some focus. Especially before I go to work.

This post is not about venting or complaining. I’m simply sharing and spreading love and hoping that every reader will do the same. Be encouraged on today. 🥰🥰