Happy Sabbath

Good morning, I’m so blessed to see another Saturday that I’ve never seen before. Yesterday I didn’t leave the house. I had no strength nor energy. Today is suppose to be beautiful but I’m going to cover up good and get out the house. I have some errands to run before my procedure on Monday.

I stayed up and watched Serena Williams win her 14th Fed Cup Single match. The girl is something else. She can pull a win off at any given moment but I must admit she doesn’t look the Serena of old. The Serena I traveled the world to watch play this beautiful sport. Nevertheless, I’m still hopeful that she’ll be back this year.

This morning I woke up and as I let my puppies out I said a little prayer just thanking Jesus for my life journeys. Thanking him for my ups and downs. The good and the bad. I apologized for the rut I sunk into on yesterday. I asked for forgiveness and I prayed for my sisters that I know go through so much wanting love from people that will never give it to them either because they can’t or they won’t. I felt a weight lift up off me. I felt refreshed. I felt a sense of peace. My face has been feeling so heavy but I felt light headed after my prayer. That’s probably not good. But when your head has felt like cement has been on it, that feeling was a relief.

Yesterday I was reading a blog post on here were a guy wrote about the difference between men and woman after having sex. He spoke of how men afterwards don’t want to talk and that women do. He mention that women wanted to get “mushy” and he said men just want to lay there and wonder if they did the ultimate. I’m paraphrasing here too. It just made me think how society still today, myself included, accept the stereotype of “most” men as law. I’ve heard my entire life that a “man gone be a man” and if that’s the law. The loaded law at that then how come we as a society can’t accept that “a woman will be a woman”? Like the things that are normal for women. Such things as wanting to be loved, wanting to be protected and provided for. Wanting to feel safe. If we want to be provided for we are gold diggers. If we want to be loved then we’re needy. Not sure if this is just in the black community or not. I’ve never dated nor married outside of my community. These are things that I’ve heard within my community. Men don’t talk much. Well women do. Men don’t like to shop. Well women do. I find this men don’t like to shop stuff a lie. Men don’t like to shop for panties and bras. For dresses. But men love to shop for recreational stuff. I have a friend guy that works hard and just sit around the and think of things to buy. I mean big dollar purchases too. The truth is, yes men and women are wired differently. However the truth also is that we’re both human. We both were created in love and to love and IF we both simply remove the selfish component from our lives I believe there would be happier men and women relationships. I just don’t believe that we as people were created to live alone. So many have to a accept being alone as reality unless they accept the games. The lies. The “I don’t need nobody”, the instability of emotions. Nowadays I believe men have become just as emotional as women. The only difference is men won’t talk about it. They’ll close you off or stop talking to you. Women are convinced themselves that they rather be single then put up a man mess. But they’ll go out and sleep with different men. Men will do the same. In my opinion that sleeping around is too much mess. That talking to 10 different women/men is too much mess. It’s hard to keep up with one. Why add to it? I don’t know.

I don’t have a lot experience with relationships. I’ve only been in four. However I speak with people all the time. Almost daily about their relationships. Every single female has been cheated on by a man that I’ve spoken to. The ones that are married are still with or they stayed with him for years after the infidelity. I see nothing wrong with saving your marriage. I believe it’s the right thing to do if both can make it right and work. I believe in the institution of marriage. I have a lot of respect for it. I just hate that we as women are normally on the receiving end of the damage. Emotionally. Mentally. And spiritually.

My Facebook page of Chatting With San at https://www.facebook.com/chattingwithSan/, post daily quotes, proverbs, affirmations, thoughts, and funnies. I get so many inboxes from females that are broken. I can relate. I’ve been there. I try daily to lift their spirits. Let them know that “this too shall past”. I let them know to keep their heads up. I let them know I’ve been there. I’m over the pain of my ex husband. I consider him a friend now. I know that me and my Mista will be a couple one day. I believe that in my heart. Until then I work on Sandra. I encourage other females. I get my life back on track. Things happens in seasons. I pray to Jesus for what I want and who I want. I speak names. I say exactly what it is I want. Things won’t always happen in my timing, that’s the frustrating part. But I believe if it’s according to Jesus will it’ll be done.

I’m not the independent woman. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to date a different man every so often. I’m not going to do that. Not in my DNA. I’ll wait to Mista get his mind together. I’ll wait till my change come. There is plenty to be done in my life right now to keep me focused. I so love being a woman. I don’t want to do what men do. If society thinks it’s okay for men to sleep around and that’s normal so be it. Sleep on. You won’t be sleeping with San. I’ll be doing lady things. You know shopping, going to the spa, watching tennis, going to tea socials, those things that I enjoy. I’ll take selfies in my beautiful dresses. I’ll go on walks with my two beautiful Maltese. I’ll come here and release some of the things going on in my head. Get my toes and nails done. Get my eyelashes done. My brows threaded. All these things are beautiful to me. I’ll continue to message my friend girls and check on them. Pray as much as possible. I even need to start back fasting. I now enjoy washing clothes and folding them away. Thursday I had a doctors appointment. The lady at the front desk says, “ Oh my you smell good, what are you wearing?” I said Gain and softener. I get that all the time now. It makes me smile because I hear Mista saying it.

In closing, to my sisters be true to yourselves. You’re not a man. You weren’t created to be equal with a man in the sense of their might and their mind set. Be the beautiful woman God created you to be. Always walk in your glory with your head held high and your shoulders squared properly. Stop leaning over so much messing up your posture. I see that so much and it vex me. I want to say, “baby straighten your back and shoulders up. I just saw a woman the other day at a nice restaurant in a beautiful hunched over, smh.” Look like a woman. Feel like a woman and most importantly be a woman. Your season is upon you. Don’t fall into the traps that society has highlighted to be okay. Cover your bodies. Take care of your health. Eat right. Exercise. Love. Love those that don’t love you back even the more. I’m here with you. I stand with you. Be encouraged.

And I can’t let go…

Yes my friends wonder what is wrong with me. That’s why I don’t even tell nobody nothing no more. In my world, ONLY you make me do for love what I would not do. I got a thing for you and I can’t let go! I’m in the days from your love Mista!

I wanted to post the video and not just the song so you all can see who sings it!

Love Language!

Good morning let’s talk.

What’s Your Love Language?
💯🔥
Words of Affirmation , Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch💯🔥

I think it’s important to know this because if you’re not getting your love language you end up feeling rejected or not cared for.

Know Your Worth

I will not settle anymore. I cannot. It’s not worth it. I know what I deserve, I know what I want, and I know my worth. I know what I can bring to the relationship. I’m a woman and I enjoy being a woman. I don’t want to compete with my man and I darn sure not competing with another woman. If someone else does it for you by all means carry on. But don’t lead me on to thinking it’s something when you know it’s nothing. That ish ain’t cool at all.

Anything I ask for I can give. I’m not a taker. If I say I got you I got you. I speak the truth and my yes is my yes and my no is my no!

I know my worth!

Stepping!

I’m hurt!

This post will have a continuation I’m sure. I’m too hurt to finish it!

Life is a teacher. You have to listen. Not add your own funky two cents. Just listen. Open your eyes. Stop making things the way you want them to be. Life is not a fantasy. Disney characters are just that, characters. You can’t just go around making up your own Cinderella story and making it exist. Life doesn’t work like that.

What are you talking about San? You see I’ve done this with the three guys that I’ve loved in my life. If I look back there were signs. I ignored them because I wanted what I wanted, LOVE! But you can’t make a person love you.

Even now I care about a man right now so much that it hurts. I’ve always cared about him. The true fact is that I care about him more than he’s ever cared about me or ever will. See I honestly believe that we make time for what we want. So if I don’t make time for you I don’t want you. It’s just that simple. It’s 24 hours in a day. Most of us have a job. A career. We own our own businesses. Tired or not if you care about someone you’ll make time for that someone.

Now don’t get me wrong, we have to eat so I understand and totally respect a man that grinds. It’s the only way in my opinion. However if you want a woman in your life you make time throughout the day for that woman. You tell her you want her. You do sweet nothings to show her that you want her. This is not old fashion. This is true. I know it to be true.

Plus you can feel love. You can tell when somebody cares. It’s in their actions not their lips. It’s in the eyes. Love can be felt. One can tell when you care about them.

I believe some people have these egos and these fears or they so stubborn and think they don’t need nobody that they can truly be blind to a good thing. But even if that’s the case it’s still not my job to make one see that. The Bible says, when a MAN finds a wife he finds a good thing. Ladies, we can’t make ourselves into what we want in our heads. Do you hear me San? Yes ma’am I do. And yes I’m asking me a question and I’m answering my question.

I’ve been labeled high maintenance. I’ve been labeled different. Called spoiled. And all that is true. But I’m real. I care. I love. I support. I’m honest. I’m faithful. Long suffering. Fun. Funny.

This is a post that I write from a place of pain. Hurt. I feel foolish. I keep making the same mistakes over and over again and nothing ever changes. I don’t play games. Don’t know how to. I say I need to date to gain experience and when I think about it that sounds foolish. One shouldn’t have to have sex with ten people to find love. Nor should one have to go out with ten different men to find love. And ten is just a number that I’m throwing out there. Why can’t we just adult and be real. Hold up. Wait a minute. Folks are being real San. It’s just not YOUR real San. Again accept what life is teaching you and STOP trying to make something work that never will.

Ever care about a person so much that their smell simmer in your head throughout the day. You see their movements. The way they do their lips. The way they back their car into the garage. Yes! You ever experience that? You ever long for their touch. Luther Vandross song, Think about you comes to my mind. https://youtu.be/4PL_Gl3Pgqc

The Touch
The hugs

Anyways I’m tired. I’m hurt. I’m upset at myself. But I’m still grateful. Thankful. Blessed. It could be worst.