Affirmations

What are they? Why do you need them in your life? How should you use them? Let’s discuss it below!

Affirmations are simply confirmations. Things to help us remember what IS. Like all my life everyone always told me I was beautiful. So on a bad day I always tell myself I’m beautiful. It’s engraved in my head now. It’s a confirmation. It’s me validating myself.

Why do we need them. Sis, I don’t know about you but sometimes folks and situations try to beat me down. Sometimes life frustrates me and that ole mean spirit of depression tries to creep in and I have to get somewhere and remind myself of who I am. So my affirmations do just that. They allow me to look in the mirror and tell myself, “San you are an overcomer”. “ you got the victory”, “child that’s their lost” and whatever else I need to say to keep myself in that positive space. Affirmations keep you positive. Keep you encouraged and uplifted. Makes you realize that you got this. Whatever “this” is. It’s a dangerous state to of mind to think that you 💯 all the time. Now don’t get me wrong Sis we are all of that and some but sometimes we go through. And in those “sometimes” you better have the gospel which has the perfect affirmations for any test of life. But if you don’t believe in the gospel then you better search some good books and find you some words that can bring you up out anything that may come to try to still your joy. That thing can be a person too. Please believe it.

This is what you do. Don’t wait to get down and low. Start your day off with positive thoughts and actions. Nothing like a good prayer. You don’t have to get down on your knees. When I open my eyes in the morning I say, “Thank you Jesus.” I’m always reminded that I’ve never seen this Friday before so it brings about gratitude. From that gratitude I begin think of all the things that I’ve been through and how my Jesus kept me. I begin to pray for my love ones. Most of the times my puppies are right there wanting to go out so I kiss them and tell them I love them. After I get through cleaning my bed up and letting my babies out and feeding them it’s time for personal hygiene. I have a friend guy that laughs because he says it takes me two hours to get dressed. Well it’s a ritual. (see yesterday’s post about self-care). It’s that time that I need for Sandra. When I’m alone I literally say sweet things out loud. I smile even laugh out loud sometimes. If I’m with someone I may not say anything but I’m mindful. I’m thankful.

I love a good 🛀. I can’t wait to finish my bathroom. It’s something about that time in the tub that’s sacred. The part where I lotion myself down is equally important to me. Its time to myself. I touch myself. I feel myself and I’m in sync with me and my emotions. It’s just a beautiful time. During that time those affirmations, confirmations, positive thoughts, feelings, and emotions are essential to the positive day ahead. I promise you sister it’s a beautiful state of being. Try it. And if you’re already doing this let me know in the comments!

Hopefully this short read will help you understand what affirmations are and why I believe they are so important. Get you some. Put them throughout the house. Put them in your journals. Quote them. Get you some favorites and say them daily. Throughout the day if need be. Make them apart of your daily ritual and watch that attitude start adjusting to whatever it is you are positively reinforcing. At the end of the day I want you to be encouraged sisters. Uplifted. Inspired. I want you to go about your daily tasks striving and thriving your way into greatness. You’re not alone. Let affirmations assist you with that. 🥰🥰

You’re not alone Sis

I share pieces of my life in an effort to let other females know that they’re not alone. Sometimes that’s all we as women want to know, that we’re not alone. We want to know that we’re not stupid for loving the wrong person, for being a teenage mom, for feeling like we’ve not raised our babies right, for all the horrific mistakes we’ve made.

I come to tell you that you’re not Sis. Life is good. Every hardship, every mistake, every year that felt like a decade, every time you didn’t feel beautiful or confident, it’s made you the beautiful woman you are today. You’ll use all those things, the good and the bad, to be the woman that Jesus created you to be. And when it’s all said and done all those things will help you help somebody else.

Often times we don’t know why we go through so much. Although I’m convinced that most of my hiccups in life have been of my own making. But I know that it wasn’t for my destruction. You know how I know? Because I’m still here. I can tell my story to another woman and give her hope. Encourage her. We together can strive to help others. I think. I believe that’s what it’s really about anyways.

So Sis hold your head up. Sit straight up. Square those shoulders and strut. You got this. All things work together. Know this. Believe this and walk in it!

Be encouraged Sis.

The last day of 2019

My I don’t want to write a book here but this year has been a trying year! January is my birthday month. I spent my birthday by myself and anybody that knows me know I love birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Fathers Day. I separated from my ex husband. I got in touch with an old friend of mine and caught serious feelings. Lived pay check to pay check for a few months. Went to a new tennis tournament that I never had been to before in DC. Started working on my credit. I’m almost in the 700 club, praise God. Started saving my money so that I could stop living pay check to pay check. Learned how to crochet. Tried Air BNB. Not for me. Not in my house I live in anyways. Lost the woman that raised me and taught me how to be a lady. She introduced me to Jesus too! Wanted to move but couldn’t figure it all out. Filed for divorce. Found out my biological mother had stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer that spread to her lungs. Let see, did I miss anything? I don’t know. But I do know that I thank Jesus that I’m closing out 2019 way better than I started 2019. I have peace, joy, and love in my heart! Not angry at nobody. Don’t hate nobody. As a matter of fact I can honestly say that I love everybody. Even those that I feel have hurt me. I’ve forgiven. I’ve asked to be forgiven. Life is good. I’m grateful. Thankful. Happy and ready for 2020. No resolutions in mind. I’m going to continue to stay focused and grind and I’m EXPECTING a better Sandra next year than I was this year. I pray that everyone that reads this has a testimony that can inspire and uplift someone else. I love you and please be encouraged. Let go and let God, for real! This too shall past. Nothing last forever. Your later shall be greater than your former!

Just wanted to send off a quick message at year end! Whatever you do be safe and enjoy!

Make it count! New YearNew Improved YOU!

Things are looking up for me

I did absolutely NOTHING today. I got off work and laid around and now I feel awesome! Sometimes you need to just do nothing. It’s refreshing, I promise! I spoke to a friend early this morning. Then later I spoke to the lady that cleans my house that’s become a good friend of mine. I’m excited because things are starting to look up for me. You know I said I’m giving myself four years to get my life together. I’m in no rush. It’s going to be some small moves here and there but they’ll be vital to the big picture. I’m sitting over smiling as I type thing.

This is not a long post. I just want to encourage you that whatever you’re doing or where ever you are in life it’s ok! Don’t let it overwhelm you. I was experiencing anxiety last week. It helps to have a BEST friend that’s a PA. I need to send her so many $19.95’s for all the medical help she’s given me over the years. Don’t try to understand that, it’s a joke between the two of us. 😂😂😂. Our relationship goes back to 1994. Our relationship has been tested and proven. I love her with my all. But okay I say this to say that everything will be okay. I promise you. Just make small adjustments everyday.

Intentionally

I’m excited for these last three months of 2019. I plan to be intentional. You know a friend told me yesterday to plan and stop rushing to do things. It was good advice. Anybody that knows me knows I’m a planner. But I’ve been off my game here lately. So, it’s good to have people in your circle that’ll bring you back in. Like a lifeguard. I can’t swim so if I ever go to the pool, which I normally don’t, I’d need to have a lifeguard near. This friend was my lifeguard on yesterday and today I’m grateful.

Today was such a blessing. I didn’t read nor journal but my mind was stable. It wasn’t racing. I didn’t think of old times. I stayed in the moment. Yaaasss! I love it. So today was a WIN. Somebody told me I needed to get some wins under my belt to build some momentum. So today was that quick start that I needed. Smiling as I type. Picture this. I’m laying in bed wiggling my toes. TV on in the background with CNN and there every thirty minutes breaking news headline. Heat on 78. Eating on some sweet tarts, chilling. Life’s good and I’m claiming that I’ll finish the year with such peace and joy in my heart. As a matter of fact I’m decreeing it. You know the word says we can decree a thing. I have to start using my benefits. I have to start back speaking the word over my life. Yes that’s exactly it.

Living in expectancy

So to all my beautiful sisters that are struggling, growing, yes GROWING, through life’s transitional phases, to my sisters that got it going on, you too, be encouraged. We have about 90 days left in 2019, let’s make them count. Let’s do the work to tighten up our shot group and make our dreams come alive. Don’t compare your story with no one else. Stay in your own lane, but grind. 🥰🥰

Embrace Your WOW Factor!

I started reading in 2017 and I can’t stop. At some point I need to put these books down and take action. However, every time I start, I see another good book, help me please! I need an intervention. But no not really! I try not to buy more books, I promise I do but I’ll pass it up and not buy it but It’ll stay in my mind. Before you know it I’m on Amazon buying the book.

I want to speak about a book I just read by Mrs. Paris Love titled, Embrace Your WOW Factor, 7 Ways to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses. I read this book yesterday. You will not stop till you finish reading it, I promise! It’s a quick read filled with golden nuggets that resonates with you. As you know I blog a lot about the emotional and mental trauma I’ve experienced. This sister here is on point with her steps to advance you beyond the hurt and pain. You can purchase your very own copy at EMBRACE Your WOW Factor: 7 Steps to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses https://www.amazon.com/dp/1692855913/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EYJJDbD4MKMN0. And while you there order a copy for a friend girl like I did. I’d love to start an online book group to discuss the information that this book reveals.

A MUST Read!

People ask me all the time why do I forgive so easily. Or folks don’t understand how you can forgive someone for molesting your child. Or a spouse that has had a child on you while you’re still married. Honestly it’s not for anyone to understand. I can tell you that I often times don’t want to forgive. The easy thing is to stay in the pain. Have a pity party. Accuse the person of all their evil. Hold the grudge. Constantly lash out at them for the hurt. Question I have is what does that profit? They say San how can you smile through all you’ve been through? My question back to them is, how can I NOT smile through what I’ve been through. Regardless to what I’ve been through I have no need or desire to complain. Now mind you I went through phases where I wanted the first hubby killed, literally. And the second one I busted a vase over his head and damaged his precious baby, his convertible BMW. But it was for a season. I’m able to care and love both of them. Don’t wish either of them no harm. For after all that, I realized it was time to deal with Sandra. Renew Sandra. Fix Sandra. Love on Sandra! So I began counseling and put the work in.

As Mrs. Love spoke about balance and taking care of you in her book, I felt it all. When a person doesn’t take care of themselves, I call it being a busy body. Distractions. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re not taking care of ourselves because we clean up so well. We look soo good on the outside while the inside is literally deteriorating. I was fabulous at doing it all. I’d pay the $300 for the sew-in. I’d buy the hair bundles for $400 plus. I’d pay $2000 for the Valentino bag! Yes I did all that and some. But I was broken in the inside. See I was a busy body my entire life. I started having children early and got married early. Actually I’ve been married my entire adult life. And yes I love the institution of marriage! However my busy body activities were always trying to be a perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend. Give back to the community. Look out for others. I went through phases of blaming myself for years. See I know the word of God. Even when I’m not living it I know it. I beat myself up because I felt that had I been praying and watching as the Bible instructed then I would have known what was going on in my house. But I thank God for counseling and this book. And how I’m still learning to NOT blame myself and to STOP apologizing. The steps that Mrs. Love speaks about in her book that I love so much are biblical. It’s not Jesus desire for us to live under all this hurt and pain. And magnifying someone’s wrong doing does nothing for you. Often times when we hurt somebody it’s not the person that’s getting hurt that it’s about, it’s about the person that’s committing the actions. They’re dealing with their own demons. I learned this the hard way. When somebody hurts you, you want that person to suffer and suffer long. But when you in the mercy seat you want favor. You want understanding. You want forgiveness. I’m telling you I know what I’m talking about because I’ve experienced this. Let that mess go. Let it all go. Focus on you. Get help. I saw this and it hit the point the book and myself are encouraging us all to do.

Try it! Daily!

I also had to learn to stop with the negative talking. I’m broke. He hurt me. I’m tired. All that negative talking picks up momentum the more you feed it. So I had to learn to change my thought process. I still catch myself doing and I try to switch it up. I’m not broke. Stop buying dresses and going to watch tennis when you know you don’t have the money, which is probably NOT gone happen. I’m just being honest here! Sis the book speaks on all that. The Bible even teaches us that’s it’s not what goes in the body that defiles the temple. It’s what comes out. It teaches us there is life and death in the tongue. I love reading. Absolutely love it. And I only read self-help, non-fiction and autobiographies, biographies, and memoirs. But guess what? Everything we need is in those 66 books! I promise you. The Holy Bible is THE Book!

Mrs. Love speaks of living in the NOW! How many of you know that the word of God teaches us to take no thought for tomorrow? Look it up. It’s in there. Why worry about tomorrow? It has its own issues. Plus he said if he feeds the birds how much more will he do for us. The bird don’t be flying around stressed and worried. Sis again, let that mess go. Take in today. It’s beautiful. We miss so much worrying about tomorrow and yesterday too. Here’s a problem that I have. Something happens, let’s say on Monday. I shake it off or really don’t even realize it happened. Come Wednesday I’m all the way back in Monday analyzing what happened. How crazy is that? But I do this. It’s stressful. It’s unnecessary. Don’t let me go to that person. They be like, “San gone with all that!” I’m telling you thats crazy huh? But I do that. But guess what I can work on that. And it all starts with me.

Also I like how she recognized she had to go through her experiences to get the book! Yes sisters. There is a book in us. Don’t feel bad. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t force something that won’t fit. Go through. Get the testimony. Get the book! My Lord I felt that. I was just sharing with a sister that I have this burning in my belly that gives me anxiety because I want so very badly to tell and share my story because I know it’ll help others. She encouraged me to step out on faith and I know she’s right. But I know my weakest characteristic is patience. I have none. I was talking a friend on yesterday about working on getting myself back together. Sometimes I get discouraged because I can’t do the things I use to do. That right there is a negative thought process because that’s living in the past. See I’m not there either Sis but I’m working on it. We will all get there is we acknowledge it and put the work in. Take day by day and step by step.

Romans 12:3

I think over the years I’ve convinced myself that I was this perfect mom and wife. Well the truth of matter is that I wasn’t. And I’m not. I wasn’t faithful. I think I’ve justified my lies and deceit because it was always with the same guy over the years. But reality is a lie is a lie. I will never be perfect nor do I have a desire to be. However I do have a desire to always strive to be a better version of myself. Sometimes to others that can look like being ungrateful but I know that it’s me striving and thriving. Something that I wholeheartedly believe in. Perhaps that’s the real truth why I can forgive so easily. I don’t know.

Anyways sisters get the book. Read the book. Pray. Seek help. Learn to get you a daily praise. Get yourself by yourself and start dealing with YOU. What I’ve come to realize is that most of our hardship begins with US. it’s something going on in the insides. But one thing I do know is the struggles, the battles, the let downs, the upsets, the heartbreaks, they all come to build character. They’re not for our destruction. You can live after the pain. As a matter of fact you will live after the hurt. But it’s going to be up to you how you choose to live. I love you and I love this book. Mrs. Paris Love thank you for this gem. Thank you for being transparent. Thank you for being authentic!

Do as I say not as I do

We’ve all heard this before, do as I say not as I do. I was told this as a child and I’ve told my children this. And if I haven’t said it directly I’ve said it indirectly. Is it right to feel this way? I don’t know. I never really thought about it till now.

I have three children and I’ve taught them not to lie, steal, or cheat. Don’t go around hurting people feelings. Stand up for yourselves. Speak your truth. I’ve told my sons not to mistreat a lady. Don’t screw a female in your parents house and not in the car. I told them if they can’t afford to take her to a nice hotel then they don’t deserve the cookies. I’ve told them to never allow their girl to touch the door to enter nor exit. Always allow the female to walk on the inside. That they’re suppose to pay when they go out on dates. I taught all three of them to tip the waitress. If you can’t afford to tip then go buy fast food. Everything that I just mentioned are things that I’ve not done myself. Still I wanted these morals and values to be instilled in my children.

My daughter, I told her to know her worth. I always told her she was beautiful. She was a mess as a little girl. It was her way or no way, even at school. She’s always had a strong personality and a mother instinct. She had a thing with limousine. So when she was a child I made sure she road in one for leisure a few times. I made sure she went to the hair salon weekly. Got her toes and nails done. I made sure she got facials and massages. I made sure she wore the best clothes and shoes. I did all this so a man couldn’t easily entice her with stuff. As a family we took road trips and went on vacations. Every year for their birthdays I tried to get all three of them everything they wanted and more. Not tried, I did.

I told them not eat junk food. Eat their vegetables. Don’t drink. Don’t do drugs. Don’t sleep around. Stay out the clubs. Don’t be out in those streets, they’ll age you. You can’t beat them. I made my children read books. Well the older two. My daughter is the oldest. For years she had to iron her and and her two brothers clothes every Sunday night for the entire week. I made them wake up every Saturday morning to clean the house, early, and I mean early. I also taught them not to sleep all day. Get up early because the early bird catches the worms. Did I do all these things? Nope not all but most of them I did. Regardless if I did them or not I thought the above mentioned things were vital to my children success. To their growth into adulthood. And guess what? For the most part my children do most of these things still. Of course they do things that I told them not to do. They are now 29, 27, and 22 years old. So they have to hold fast to that that works for them and lay other things down that don’t.

I know I’ve mentioned before that I’m old school. I believe in the old way. This new age stuff don’t get me. I don’t relate to most of it. Children talking back to their parents, fighting their parents, disrespecting them, I don’t get none of that. It vexes me. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t say I deserve the mother of year award. I don’t think that my way of parenting was perfect. I made a lot of mistakes. My Lord a lot. But what I will say is that I did my BEST. I did what I felt was right in my heart. If I had to redo it I can’t honestly say I’d do something different.

I raised my babies in church. I taught them to pray. To forgive. To love. Take care of those that were less fortunate. Be respectful. Be a giver and not just receive. I didn’t raise them on holidays. They never had a valentine, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, trick nor a treat, and surely not Christmas. I told them every since they were ankle high that they don’t have nobody but each other. They’ve been doing community service events since they were literally babies. My goal was that I wanted them to be good abiding citizens. I wanted them to know Jesus. Have a prayer life. Know who to call when they needed help. I wanted them to always be there for each other.

Now with all that I also believed in chastisement and punishment. My children will tell you I beat their behinds real good. They won’t say it like that though. My daughter and my baby boy will be overly dramatic when they share their stories about being chastised. I told them a police will never have to touch them because they will know how to behave. Thus far my prophecy is true. All three of my babies are very respectful children. Doing well in life. Holding themselves down. Are they perfect? What a stupid question for none of us are. But they are my perfect babies. Each one adds a different dimension of life to me. Me and the older two grew up together. The baby boy was my first real baby because I had to do him alone. No granny’s and aunts and uncle just me and his dad. He’d cry and we’d ask each other what’s wrong. Neither one of us knew. The older two thinks he’s more spoil. I think all three were spoiled.

Anyways even after typing this the title says do as I say and not as I do. How do I feel about that statement? I still think that children were placed under the leadership of parents and it’s our responsibility to raise them and protect them. To nourish them. Chastise them. Love them. Show them the world. I did my best to all of that. Yes I do think that children should do as they are told and not as their parents do. But I also think that parents should be role models so if they do so happen to do as they see their parents do it won’t be something bad. I’ve done bad things. Even if my children didn’t see me do it I told them. This has been a curse and a blessing for me. My children have used my bad and tried to hold it against and try to hurt me with it. Perhaps I’ve done the same. Some don’t believe in chastisement. So I often wonder if they feel when I was beating their behinds is I was using their wrong against them. My granny taught me to spare the rod spoil the child. This parenting is an ever learning journey. I’m still learning and adjusting. I have very strong morals and values that I’m not willing to change with the times of today but day by day and grace by grace Jesus is dealing with me and I’m grateful. To all the families out there be encouraged and hang in there. We gone make it. Down but not out!

All over the place

I’m such a basic woman. Meaning I just like the basics. You know a clean house. A decent ride. Some tennis. Tuna, salad, pineapple juice and cranberry juice. I LOVE love. I love puppies. I have two beautiful Maltese that love me dearly and I love them back. Of course I love my beautiful three children and my granny. Other than that I believe I’m just basic. Oh I can’t forget fashion, traveling, and the spa. That’s not too bad, right!

I was told I have too much time on my hand by someone that I cared a lot about. I was also told that I go too much and I stay too busy by someone that I met about 4 years ago and whom I’ve grown to respect. So which is it? Do I have too much time on my hand or do I stay too busy? Well both statements were made during different seasons of my life. One was made recently and one was made a few years ago. Well the truth is as of now when I’m not working I do have time to do other things and that’s what I do. I read and write. Watch the news and tennis. Go watch live tennis. Work out every so often and chill with my puppies. I’d say I’m not as busy as I use to be. I did use to stay on the go. Not so much now. Been there. Done that. Have all sorts of proof and evidence. I’m good now. So I’m more reserve and laid back now. I’ve always been a home body though. If I’m ever in Texas you’d find me at home or church. I’d go get my toes and nails done and to the spa and gym and back home. I don’t like clubs or parties so there’s not a lot of places for me to go when I’m home.

Walking and running always allow me to clear some space in my head. I got up this morning and walked for a hour. It felt good. So now I’m back home just soaking and listening to music. Times like these are so stress free and relaxing. I love it. I enjoy the down time. Especially in the comfort of my own house. Days like these are needed. I need that me time. That alone time to just chill, think, and relax.

Last night I went to church and my it was just what I needed. I have a friend here visiting me from Baltimore whom has been going through some similar things so I asked her if she’d like to attend church and she said yes. I’m so glad she said yes because I know had she not said she wanted to go I wouldn’t have gone. But the word was spoken directly to me. The nerves of me to walk and act like I don’t know what Jesus has done for me. The message really dealt with me. I woke up this morning and turned my face into my pillows and got out an ugly prayer. I mean I prayed. But I’m back at “not my will but your will oh Lord be done.” Asking Jesus to help me completely surrender to him, AGAIN! I’m believing it will be so too.

I spent the last two days crying out for something that I wanted. I had never done that before. NEVER! This being authentic in every area of my life is a challenge at times. I’m such an old soul. I just don’t agree with a lot of this advance stuff. But in being authentic that means with my emotions and my feelings too. In every area of my life. You know the word says we have not because we ask not. So I’ve spent the last two days asking for what I want. It wasn’t hard at all I just had to be venerable. I had to accept the fact that the answer maybe no. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear no. As a matter of fact I know I didn’t want to hear no. But I took a deep swallow and began sharing my feelings and asking for what I want. Now I still haven’t gotten a verbal response yet. So that can be either a good or bad sign. Or I can simply assume the answer is no. I’m not 100% sure which direction I’ll take. Right now I’ve decided to get back to blogging. I hadn’t blogged in over a week. To be honest I’ve been working on this post for over a week. I just couldn’t stay focused for some reason. I’d start and about two or three minutes into the post I’d lose focus and put it away. So this is one of those post that will have several themes or topics. I apologize for that.