Sis be careful who you call Sister. I don’t care if she is your sister from your parent. Sisterhood is PROVEN through valley experiences!
I did absolutely NOTHING today. I got off work and laid around and now I feel awesome! Sometimes you need to just do nothing. It’s refreshing, I promise! I spoke to a friend early this morning. Then later I spoke to the lady that cleans my house that’s become a good friend of mine. I’m excited because things are starting to look up for me. You know I said I’m giving myself four years to get my life together. I’m in no rush. It’s going to be some small moves here and there but they’ll be vital to the big picture. I’m sitting over smiling as I type thing.
This is not a long post. I just want to encourage you that whatever you’re doing or where ever you are in life it’s ok! Don’t let it overwhelm you. I was experiencing anxiety last week. It helps to have a BEST friend that’s a PA. I need to send her so many $19.95’s for all the medical help she’s given me over the years. Don’t try to understand that, it’s a joke between the two of us. 😂😂😂. Our relationship goes back to 1994. Our relationship has been tested and proven. I love her with my all. But okay I say this to say that everything will be okay. I promise you. Just make small adjustments everyday.
I’m excited for these last three months of 2019. I plan to be intentional. You know a friend told me yesterday to plan and stop rushing to do things. It was good advice. Anybody that knows me knows I’m a planner. But I’ve been off my game here lately. So, it’s good to have people in your circle that’ll bring you back in. Like a lifeguard. I can’t swim so if I ever go to the pool, which I normally don’t, I’d need to have a lifeguard near. This friend was my lifeguard on yesterday and today I’m grateful.
Today was such a blessing. I didn’t read nor journal but my mind was stable. It wasn’t racing. I didn’t think of old times. I stayed in the moment. Yaaasss! I love it. So today was a WIN. Somebody told me I needed to get some wins under my belt to build some momentum. So today was that quick start that I needed. Smiling as I type. Picture this. I’m laying in bed wiggling my toes. TV on in the background with CNN and there every thirty minutes breaking news headline. Heat on 78. Eating on some sweet tarts, chilling. Life’s good and I’m claiming that I’ll finish the year with such peace and joy in my heart. As a matter of fact I’m decreeing it. You know the word says we can decree a thing. I have to start using my benefits. I have to start back speaking the word over my life. Yes that’s exactly it.
So to all my beautiful sisters that are struggling, growing, yes GROWING, through life’s transitional phases, to my sisters that got it going on, you too, be encouraged. We have about 90 days left in 2019, let’s make them count. Let’s do the work to tighten up our shot group and make our dreams come alive. Don’t compare your story with no one else. Stay in your own lane, but grind. 🥰🥰
I’m such a basic woman. Meaning I just like the basics. You know a clean house. A decent ride. Some tennis. Tuna, salad, pineapple juice and cranberry juice. I LOVE love. I love puppies. I have two beautiful Maltese that love me dearly and I love them back. Of course I love my beautiful three children and my granny. Other than that I believe I’m just basic. Oh I can’t forget fashion, traveling, and the spa. That’s not too bad, right!
I was told I have too much time on my hand by someone that I cared a lot about. I was also told that I go too much and I stay too busy by someone that I met about 4 years ago and whom I’ve grown to respect. So which is it? Do I have too much time on my hand or do I stay too busy? Well both statements were made during different seasons of my life. One was made recently and one was made a few years ago. Well the truth is as of now when I’m not working I do have time to do other things and that’s what I do. I read and write. Watch the news and tennis. Go watch live tennis. Work out every so often and chill with my puppies. I’d say I’m not as busy as I use to be. I did use to stay on the go. Not so much now. Been there. Done that. Have all sorts of proof and evidence. I’m good now. So I’m more reserve and laid back now. I’ve always been a home body though. If I’m ever in Texas you’d find me at home or church. I’d go get my toes and nails done and to the spa and gym and back home. I don’t like clubs or parties so there’s not a lot of places for me to go when I’m home.
Walking and running always allow me to clear some space in my head. I got up this morning and walked for a hour. It felt good. So now I’m back home just soaking and listening to music. Times like these are so stress free and relaxing. I love it. I enjoy the down time. Especially in the comfort of my own house. Days like these are needed. I need that me time. That alone time to just chill, think, and relax.
Last night I went to church and my it was just what I needed. I have a friend here visiting me from Baltimore whom has been going through some similar things so I asked her if she’d like to attend church and she said yes. I’m so glad she said yes because I know had she not said she wanted to go I wouldn’t have gone. But the word was spoken directly to me. The nerves of me to walk and act like I don’t know what Jesus has done for me. The message really dealt with me. I woke up this morning and turned my face into my pillows and got out an ugly prayer. I mean I prayed. But I’m back at “not my will but your will oh Lord be done.” Asking Jesus to help me completely surrender to him, AGAIN! I’m believing it will be so too.
I spent the last two days crying out for something that I wanted. I had never done that before. NEVER! This being authentic in every area of my life is a challenge at times. I’m such an old soul. I just don’t agree with a lot of this advance stuff. But in being authentic that means with my emotions and my feelings too. In every area of my life. You know the word says we have not because we ask not. So I’ve spent the last two days asking for what I want. It wasn’t hard at all I just had to be venerable. I had to accept the fact that the answer maybe no. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear no. As a matter of fact I know I didn’t want to hear no. But I took a deep swallow and began sharing my feelings and asking for what I want. Now I still haven’t gotten a verbal response yet. So that can be either a good or bad sign. Or I can simply assume the answer is no. I’m not 100% sure which direction I’ll take. Right now I’ve decided to get back to blogging. I hadn’t blogged in over a week. To be honest I’ve been working on this post for over a week. I just couldn’t stay focused for some reason. I’d start and about two or three minutes into the post I’d lose focus and put it away. So this is one of those post that will have several themes or topics. I apologize for that.
I started blogging years ago. Like back in 2008-9 I believe. I use to blog about business type matters. Then life happened and now that’s what I blog about. I come here and be authentic because for so many years I didn’t deal with myself. And because I didn’t deal with myself it gave an appearance that I was all that. You know, doing well! Well it was partially the truth. I am all that! 😍😍. And I was doing well and still is. Back then my wellness was made up in stuff. How much money I could make. What I could drive. My buying power. How much traveling I could do. My wellness now is my peace, my health, my mental state, and still of course my appearance. I’d admit I’m sort of vain. I’m hard on myself. I don’t like being fat. Thin works best for me. I’ve been both. I’ve decided that I love thin better. Nothing against fat, thick, big boned, whatever y’all want to call it. That’s good for others but not for me. Just like I feel beautiful in dresses. Some feel beautiful in pants. It’s okay. Do what makes sense to you is my advice. 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️.
This picture is me trying to be thin. About six pounds too big but I’m working on a plan. Give me a minute. I’ve gotten candy out of my system so now I’m working on putting down the chips and getting back to my workouts. My eating has always been a problem for me. I don’t eat enough of the right foods and can go days literally just eating junk food. But when I do eat I typically do eat the right foods. 💪🏽💪🏽
This picture is me when I was fat. I tried to find the ugliest picture of myself. But seeing that I’m vain I don’t have many of the ones really showing the three rows of fat on my back and stomach. Neck rolls and dark inner thighs. I hid them well. I had gotten up to a size 10. Bigger than I was while having three babies. I was miserable. I didn’t want to leave the house except for work or church and mandatory pampering. It was bad. The years were 2006-2008. I had gone into a deep depression. My self esteem was somewhere in the negative. We did a family road trip from Dallas, Texas to LA in 2007 and something about the way the women carried themselves out there inspired me. I saw big women, small women, skinny women, fat women, ugly women, drop dead gorgeous women and the ONE thing they all appeared to have in common was their walk. They walked in heels. Head held high. They moved about with confidence. All this was my opinion. Who knows, they could have been faking it but I needed to see that. I got back to Dallas went on a no sugar diet. Had a salad for the first time in my life and then hired a trainer. I was determined to feel good about myself again.
I don’t know how my post went this way. 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️. I also read that you’re not suppose to use emojis when you’re writing non-fiction too. Oh well I wear them out in almost all my post. 😀😀 so I don’t know, does that make me a rebel? I get off track easily too. I’m sure that’s adult ADHD. But hey whatever. I told you I come here to be authentic. So this is the no judgement zone, okay! I do care about doing things the right way believe it or not. But I’m also a little bit more care free in my older days. My post are typically more in line with the title of it. Maybe I can bring it back in. We shall see. 😜😜
I woke up this morning sore in my body. I told myself last night I was going to just lay in the bed all day and watch tennis. Thank God I have some important things to do so that I can get up and out and enjoy the beautiful weather. Plus I can stay in bed all day and watch tennis and it wouldn’t bother me one bit. 💪🏽🎾. But I’m going to get up and get out. Plus I’m sure I’ll be hyper today because I had tea this morning. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️. Lol!
So back to me being encouraged on today. I really am. New day. New grace and mercies! Why not be encouraged. Everything not like I want them but hey it’ll probably never be that way. So hopefully I’m not looking for encouragement in hoping for everything to go my way anyways. It has to be something deeper. It just has to be. And it is. I’m encouraged on today because again I’m awake and alive. I had a beautiful Saturday evening and Sunday morning. Although I’m a little sick, I’m happy. I could’ve allowed a situation to take me under but I raised above it. I’m able to forgive now. Something I’ve not always been able to do. I don’t have any anger in my heart, TODAY, LOL! I’m being honest here okay! I’m saying today for I don’t know what tomorrow holds. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
This photo speaks volumes. I know how to do this now. I honestly do. And I also still know how to love the person and if needed still help the person. Now that’s something to be encouraged about. You see I use to hold grudges. And I could hold them for years, literally. So when people tell me they hold grudges I know what they mean. I also pray one day they’ll be delivered from that sickness though. It profits them nothing. Trust me. Often times the person you’re holding the grudge against don’t even care one way or another. It’s like forgiveness. It’s not about them nor is it for them. It’s about you and it’s for YOU. You’re the one that’s needing the release. You know often times we wonder why we stressed and tired. A lot of times it’s what’s going on internally. Things we are not dealing with. I’m such a huge advocate for counseling and/or therapy now. My Lord it’s a life saver I promise. Doesn’t take the place of prayer but it’s helpful.
I’ll end with this. You have to honestly do the work on yourself. If not you become a problem to your own situation. Been there. Done that. I have the T-Shirt to prove it. So basically I’m encouraged on today because of the tools I’ve gained over the past year or so to learn how to deal with things. I use to get low and go into the fetal position, you know a dark place. I no longer do that. I’m learning to accept what IS. I’m dealing with my issues and things are looking and feeling good for me. I’m encouraged on today because of that. I’m hopeful that I’ll get my body the way I want it to be. I’m grateful that I’m constantly working on my mental strength. I’m blessed that I can love even when I’m not loved back or don’t feel loved. It’s about working on Sandra. Self-Care is real and I’m owning it. No longer will I be making excuses or blaming someone else for issues. My sanity. Now when I take inventory I can see where I had a huge play in my upheavals. So today I encourage you to do the work. Take the inventory. Be honest with yourself. Accept what IS and if you don’t like what IS begin to work on changing it. You owe it to yourself!
I was told today that I look awesome. That I had a glow about myself. I keep hearing that lately. I’ve been told this by several people, male and female. I don’t know what it means exactly. I look happy? Shiny? I do have oily skin! Regardless to what they mean I’m grateful for the compliment. For if we are comparing June 13th 2018 to June 13th 2019 I surely have something to glow about. I am happy and my face is shiny and it’s my prayer that I continue to glow! 🥰🥰🥰
I’m trying to keep my circle small and eliminate drama in my life. I don’t care who you are if you’re not going to make me laugh or smile I don’t want you in my presence. I no longer care about the fancy houses and cars. I don’t care about the designer shoes and clothes no more. I want love, good love making, tennis, and to travel. Yes I do. Go ahead, judge me. I dont care! 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
You know I don’t know if there is such a thing as a real woman or a real man. As compared to what? A fake person? 🤔🤔🤔. Whatever. I’d say I’m going through a growth sprout. I’ve lived a little and learned a lot. I’m still me though. I’m still silly. Loud and very country. Yes ma’am I am. Born and raised on the south side of Chicago but as country as those from deep Mississippi. And I love it. I’ve been blessed my entire life. Inspite of the things I’ve gone through I’ve been fortunate that none of my upheavals have destroyed me. As a matter of fact they’ve made me stronger. Wiser. Taught me compassion. Empathy. Things that I hadn’t always had for people that I didn’t care about. So I thank Jesus for every scare for they’re my testimony.
People say, “San how can you forgive this person or that person for what they’ve done?” My response is the same way Jesus keeps forgiving me. My Lord I mess up everything. If not by action or by speaking then for sure by my thoughts. So it’s so easy for me to forgive now. It’s not always been easy though. I use to cut people off so quick. I’d give them “a piece of my mind” so quickly. Now not so much. Especially if you’re someone I care about. I want to talk it out. Try to reason with you. It just makes more sense to me.
On today I totally feel unbothered. Woke up this morning happy and feeling a sense of peace. I have not one complaint. Regardless to what’s happened or going to happen or what’s happening right now I feel fabulous. Sometimes different little things pop up in my head and I just laugh or smile. Like it just happened. 🤣🤣🤣.
You know I’m a special individual. Literally. My thought process is weird folks may say. I’m Green I’ve been told. Im stuck in another time frame. I think different. I’m old fashion. Yeah I’m all that and I love it. So have your thoughts about me. Who cares? I don’t! I know that I’m a good person. A lot of imperfections and flaws. But a huge heart full of love. Full of hope and encouragement. I believe that’s the glow they see in me. They see that heart of mine. I mean well. Don’t want to hurt no one. Just want to laugh, love, and live. And guess what? I pray that everyone that reads this post do the same. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽