LOVE

All that we are is the result of what we have thought; thus so a man thinketh so is he. Proverbs 23:7

I know I long for love. Love stays on my mind constantly. Why, I don’t know. There is so much to think about throughout the day but yet my mind stays on love. I go about the day doing my job. Focusing on my goals but every break or moment in between I think about love. I think about being loved. I think about loving somebody.

LOVE

What is wrong with me? Why am I so consumed with the topic of love? The feeling of love? Don’t we normally crave the things that we are missing? Well perhaps that’s why I constantly think of love. I’m lacking in that area.

Some people are so good that they can be by themselves forever. Some people don’t need nobody. They have everything they want within themselves and that’s awesome. That’s beautiful. As for me I can’t exist alone. And yes I shouldn’t say can’t. Let me change that; I don’t want to. I’m trying to be careful of the words I use because I believe that you can speak a thing into existence. I try to keep myself in a positive space and think on things that bring me joy! And thinking of love brings me joy! Writing about love brings me pleasure. Being in love is complete ecstasy.

Our words are life or death. Choose wisely!

I think about the good times. Ha! Here I go again with music. But didn’t Michael Jackson have a song that said, “I think about about the good times!” Yes, check it out here, https://youtu.be/dei_8HX_eVQ When I’m by myself I think about the good times. The times earlier this year when I felt loved. When I felt warm and cared for. I go back and look at pictures. I remember times spent together and they make me smile. Even as I type this I began to smile because, yes just the thought brings me joy!

I think of the good times with my children. Acting silly and talking about literally everything. I love that we can talk about everything together. Now we don’t always agree. I don’t agree with a lot of things that my children do but they also disagree with somethings I do or don’t do too. And we talk about it. The communication, even the bad talks, bring me joy! I understand that everything is not always pretty in life but I’ve also learned that there’s beauty in the bad times too. So I’m able to think of both the good and bad and I can find some happiness. Some beauty. Some joy!

LOVE is!

I was a baby having babies so I grew up with my children and as they’ve become adults I realize how much I really love and need them. I love there smiles and our heart felt conversations. And trust me we’ve had some heavy hitters, but in my heart I get it all. Love for a child is something special. I don’t care how upset you get, you never stop loving, thinking, and caring about your children. I don’t even think it’s possible.

I think of the times with my Mista from earlier this year and I reminisce of the hand holding. The talks. The FaceTimes. The hugging and kissing. The playing. The intimacy. I think of the misunderstandings. I think of the times when we were “in our feelings.” Again I smile. I think of our personalities and our stubbornness and shake my head. It’s a shame how grown folks can allow things to get away. People to get away because of our pride and egos. I’ve been guilty of this. Now I fight for what I want. I fight hard too. I told a close friend of mine just last week, “fight for your marriage. Put your pride and your stubbornness away and fight for your marriage.” Folks think relationships are easy. That’s crazy to me. How in the world is two grown folks getting together from two different beliefs and walks of life easy? It doesn’t make sense to me. I’d like to think that I’m the most long-suffering person I know. The only other people I know that were and are more long-suffering is my pastor, Bro. Austin, his late wife, my late grand father Bill Abrams and my grand mother Pennie Merle. Oh and my bestie, Fuqua! But I hang in there for years. I forgive and forgive and forgive and I try to work through things. I just believe it’s the right thing to do. We do it with our jobs. We do it with our recreational activities. We even try different fashion statements and plenty of other things till we get what we want. So why are we so quick to give up on love? I don’t know. I just know I’m not. I won’t.

I’ll travel for LOVE!

Sometimes when I’m not successful at mending relationships that I want, I feel like a failure! I feel defeated. I’m slowly but surely trying to get over this. When it comes to my children things are different then my relationships with men; That’s two people from different walks of life coming together trying to make it work. And it takes two. And yes it’s hard! When it comes to my children it’s a blood line. You see I grew up with my granny. Not my biological parents. I had so many outlets. I had so many homes and families that I could run to when someone at the current house made me mad. And as children do, I played each one against the other so I lived a life of pretty much getting everything I wanted. My children didn’t have that luxury. I was all they had growing up. So if they got upset at me they had to go to their rooms and talk about the situation amongst themselves or in their pillows. They were not allowed to talk back to me. They didn’t have a voice. They did what they were told. That’s it that’s all. They were the best children you could ask for. I didn’t know different till here recently. I thought my babies didn’t do wrong. My oh my was I ignorant. They’ve since shared their wrong doing and every time I learn something new I’m in a state of awe! But my long-suffering with them is different because regardless of the situation I’ll always be their mom and they will always be my children. We are like siblings in a sense that we get mad at each other and fall out and stop speaking, but something always brings us back together. I know that. Not so with my dude.

LOVE never fails!

Can I just throw this in here? As I’m typing this blog post in my notes this wig is working my nerves. I so want to pull it off right here at work and undo my Bantu knots and look even prettier. I had to get that out. Lol! Okay back to the topic of love.

Y’all know I’m goofy!

Basically I love love. I make no excuses for it. I love the good and the bad of it. Is that crazy or what? I love what loves stands for. I love how it’s patient and kind and understanding and forgiving. And it suffers long. It worketh no ill. It doesn’t keep score. It’s just beautiful to me and y’all know I love all things beautiful. Love is warm. It’s seamless.

I love love so much that I smell it. I smell my puppies when I’m not with them. I think of the times my children and I were out and about having a good time. I think of Mista smell. His lips. His walk. Him singing. My children come to mind throughout the day and I’ll start to laugh. I think of my granny and my grand daddy. Love, it makes me happy. I promise you it does. And the bad things, the disagreements, the arguing. The misunderstanding they are all apart of love. I think of the moments too and ponder what I could’ve done different.

Relationship Goals!

Love is not simple yet it is. I guess it depends if you really want it or not. It means a lot to me. It’s a part of me. I love to give it just as much as I love to receive it. It’s breath taking. Thinking about love makes me happy. Writing about it does too. Being in love makes me ecstatic.

Love is within the HEART!

I had taken a break from writing this post and began to think about why I think so much about love. Maybe because I have a strong belief in Jesus and I know that Jesus is love, I love the entire concept of love so much. I use to be a fire cracker. Life has happened to me. I no longer wish to be a fire cracker. I only want love, peace, and joy! I don’t want no more fighting and hating. Yes I use to hate and would hate for a long time. I’m so over it. Takes too much energy. I was in a very bad place in my life at one point and the people I was around were all so angry, evil, and wicked. Every time I had a chance to speak to one of them I just spoke love. I don’t care where you are in life. What you’re going through, love is ALWAYS the way. It’s the only way. It’s so much easier too. I promise. I’ve been the hardcore woman. Strong. Bitter. Cut throat woman. Ask my children. Ask folks that’s known me, known me. They’ll tell you. But I’ve wasted a lot of time being that way. I’ve chosen love. I’ll continue to choose love. Even towards those that don’t reciprocate it back.

Jesus is LOVE!

I wake up some mornings and I begin to just call out names of people and ask Jesus to touch their hearts and their minds. Keep them safe. Shower them with love. Some of us have been through so much that we’ve closed ourselves off. We weren’t meant to live alone. Women, we were made for men. Not the other way around. Men, you all were given to us for protection. For guidance. For leadership. For our covering. All of that, doesn’t it just sound like love! Who wouldn’t love love once they totally understood and surrendered to it. Let those guards down. Pain is a part of life. There’s a rainbow after all the pain, you simply endure. That’s all. Closing yourself off doesn’t keep you from pain. It may appear to but if you keep living you’re going to experience pain. Wouldn’t you want a love one to go through it with you? I know I would.

Regardless what love is to you the struggle and the goal is to make LOVE last!

Adulting on Social Media

Let’s talk about being an adult. This post is from my eyes. I think my eyes are relatively okay because I’ve had LASIK surgery. However I do need reading glasses now. Any who, let’s discuss what it is to be an adult. What some of the behaviors should be of an adult. And let’s make it relate to social media some how.

It’s interesting!

I remember sitting on my front porch watching all the kids on the block and thinking to myself, I can’t wait to get grown so I can do what I want to do. My granny nor my aunts and uncles thought I should be outside running up and down the streets like the other children. Little girls were suppose to look cute and sit pretty. Not run around and sweat and get funky. Huh? That’s exactly what I should’ve been doing. But nooooo I had to sit on the porch and look cute. Lord k las back in my day you didn’t dare talk back and get flip at the lip like these kids do. Noooo way! But my oh my I could’ve really said some things. But now as an adult I can play and still be pretty.

Sitting Pretty! 🤣🤣

See I thought and still do think that as an adult I don’t have to lie. I don’t have to pretend. I can speak my mind. My yes is a yes and my no is a no. I’m able to apologize when I make a mistake. I TRY to mind my own business. I typed try in all capital letters because I literally try. Not perfected it yet.

Trying to mind my own business

On social media I don’t “slide” in people boxes. This term “slide” is new for me. I learned it earlier this year from my daughter and my nephew. I thought it was cute. It meant to come by my place or where ever am at. But noooo, I’m learning that it’s what grown people do to other grown people in their inboxes. It’s also called DM, direct message. My people this is not cute. This is not a characteristic of adulting. I want you all to stop this. Now if you’re going to “slide” to introduce me to a business or a product or to give me warning I’ll accept that. But to call me baby or sexy, that’s a no no. Grown people that’s not right. Again this is seen through my vision. I also think that grown people should stop with things like GM, WYD, HRU, unless you know the person. Unless you have established this line of communicating. But if you’re “sliding” in someone inbox for the first time this is a turn off. And trust me no one wants to be called baby if you don’t know them unless you’re a rapper. If you’re going to “slide” address the person by their name. Also I’m old school, sexy has a sexual connotation to me so if you don’t know me you shouldn’t approach me in that manner. Thus again another turn off. See it’s just too much you don’t know about the person you’re contacting or “sliding” to. That’s why it’s just not a good thing to do. Now there are dating apps that perhaps these behaviors maybe welcomed. For some. But as for me I just don’t like it. I got on a dating app last year and it vexed me. I couldn’t take it. Those people didn’t even know me and to say they wanted to get to know me was just nasty. I was like why? So I had to really ask myself then why are you on here San? I deleted the app after a week. I would get 50 email alerts a day. Are we really this desperate to be with someone? I had to ask myself that. So as for me I’m not looking to mate on social media. But back to being an adult on social media, stop all that foolish behavior. If you’re looking to date from social media, request to be a friend and follow the person. You can tell who I am and what I’m about with what I post. As a matter of fact I just told a cat this Monday. I politely asked him to not “slide” in my inbox any more.

Be smart about it! Please!

I love people. I’ll talk to anybody. Literally. I do it for a living. And I smile. I smile a lot. I don’t know. For the most part I’m a happy person. My life maybe in chaos but I see beyond it. I’ve had a beautiful life. Some struggles. Ups and downs here and there. Some break ups and make ups. Disappointing times but honestly my good outweighs my bad so I’m good. I have more peace than not. I have nothing to complain about. So, yes I smile a lot. But trust me I’m not weak. I’m not flirting. Often times I don’t even see you. I’m just going about my day. It’s easier for me to think on my good than my bad. My good makes me smiles. You have no idea what goes on in this old head of mine.

I stay thinking!

So basically I just wanted to come here and vent out a little frustration because I feel like this past year I’ve been getting punked. People coming at me at all angles on social media. Know that I’m not looking to find my man on social media. I’m not looking period. I love people. I love interacting with people. Especially if you love tennis, spas, shopping, or traveling. So if we are vibing that still doesn’t mean I want to be with you. Just lay low. Chill out. Let’s just chat. Don’t be disrespectful. Problem is you may feel you’re not being disrespectful and that’s because you really don’t know me. You don’t know what I like or don’t like. Right now I’m stuck in 1995 so I’m telling you until I deal with me I’m not a good fit for you because I’ll get with you and tell you some ole stupid ish like if I’ll cheat on you with some joker I knew from years past. You don’t want that nor do you deserve it. Grown people stop “sliding” in these inboxes on social media. It’s not cool. It’s not adulting behavior in my humblest opinion.

Coming from my heart!

Now go and sin no more or shall I say, “slide” no more. Be encouraged on today.

Peace! ✌🏽✌🏽

Living through it All

This is probably going to be a post where I talk about all sorts of things and I may not be able to tie it all together. We shall see! Sometimes I blog from a place of chaos. Doesn’t mean anything is going on just sometimes my thoughts are all over. And on this morning I have so much going on in my head. I think I’ll share a piece of my journal with you from 2017. You’ve heard me mention I was in a dark place for a season of my life. The other day I went through some of those journals and I laughed and cried. The tears weren’t bad though. I didn’t relive the pain. The tears were that I became so proud of myself that I took the time to actually deal with myself and my feelings. Like remember I’ve had an image to portray. I had to appear like I had it all together. A perfect marriage. Perfect and awesome kids. Saved. Sanctified. Holy Ghost filled. Nice house and car. Designer clothes. You know, I had to act like my stuff didn’t smell. 🤣🤣🤣. Mind you I don’t know where I got that idea from. I don’t know who told me I had to live a lie. I’ve never been big on television. I don’t do reality shows. I think I was raised okay. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. So where did all the faking come from? Good People, I don’t know! Heck perhaps if I knew I wouldn’t have been behaving that way.

The other day I was trying to find a particular writing that I did but came across a posting of me trying to explain the pain I was experiencing. I can tell you I know that I was losing faith during that entry. I can tell from my writing. No need to share the entire entry for it was three pages long. You know, someone said to me the other day that I act like what I’m going through doesn’t hurt. Like everything is okay. The person said they know I’m hurting because had it happen to them they’d be hurting. I don’t know why the person feels that way. They are entitled to feel how they please. I’ve never fronted like I don’t experience hurt. Anger. Pain. Like I don’t get upset. But what I’ve decided to do is not allow the situation to consume me. I’m not going into the fetal position. Therapy has cost me a lot of money because my counselor is out of network so I’m paying a lot of money to see her. How I deal with my emotions are different now. What does it profit me to cry all day or lay around with unforgiveness in my heart. Or hate people. So what I do is try to work through the emotions when they come up. I read. I write. I journal. I blog. Sometimes I do a little work out routine. I’ve learned some skills to help me with my emotions. I don’t ignore them. Nope! Not any more! I work through them. I shared with you all a book I use and it’s an awesome resource. I promise you it’s helpful. Meditation is also helpful. You can do it at any time. Any place. But guess what regardless if you deal with your situations or not life goes on. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m moving along. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️.

I had always said if I ever got married again that I wasn’t getting a divorce. We will fight through whatever. But in order for that to happen, the fighting part, it takes two. You can’t fight by yourself. Well I guess you can and I have, for years! Just not anymore. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. I also had to consider what I was accepting. And even then how much I wanted to accept. At some point reality comes and slap you around like they do on WWF. At that moment you have no other choice but to wake up.

Every post I write on here my goal is to inspire. Uplift. Encourage. I never want you to leave the page feeling worst than when you came. But I also must speak MY truth. No more tip toeing around or sugar coating my feelings. My goal moving forward is to be transparent. Authentic. I pray that’s what we all want to do. I’m going to let all my skeletons out. For no one on this earth is really able to judge anyone. Now I know the good book tells us to judge righteously. So the good book is right and I’m wrong. So if you want to call me out for something biblically feel free but please be walking the walk yourself. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

So here’s an excerpt from a dark moment in my life. Let me know what you think. Have you ever felt this way? What did you do to bounce back? Did you work through it or did you act like you were so strong and ignored the pain? Either way I want to hear from you! Remember we in a judge free zone here. Be encouraged on today. Life is beautiful. A scripture that stays in my heart is this, There is NO temptation common unto man that Christ won’t make a way to escape. We can overcome anything. I promise you we can. If you want to know where the scripture can be found google it. It’s 2019. Do we even need a Bible today? Don’t answer that. Of course we do. 😜😜😜

Girl you’re glowing

I was told today that I look awesome. That I had a glow about myself. I keep hearing that lately. I’ve been told this by several people, male and female. I don’t know what it means exactly. I look happy? Shiny? I do have oily skin! Regardless to what they mean I’m grateful for the compliment. For if we are comparing June 13th 2018 to June 13th 2019 I surely have something to glow about. I am happy and my face is shiny and it’s my prayer that I continue to glow! 🥰🥰🥰

I’m trying to keep my circle small and eliminate drama in my life. I don’t care who you are if you’re not going to make me laugh or smile I don’t want you in my presence. I no longer care about the fancy houses and cars. I don’t care about the designer shoes and clothes no more. I want love, good love making, tennis, and to travel. Yes I do. Go ahead, judge me. I dont care! 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

You know I don’t know if there is such a thing as a real woman or a real man. As compared to what? A fake person? 🤔🤔🤔. Whatever. I’d say I’m going through a growth sprout. I’ve lived a little and learned a lot. I’m still me though. I’m still silly. Loud and very country. Yes ma’am I am. Born and raised on the south side of Chicago but as country as those from deep Mississippi. And I love it. I’ve been blessed my entire life. Inspite of the things I’ve gone through I’ve been fortunate that none of my upheavals have destroyed me. As a matter of fact they’ve made me stronger. Wiser. Taught me compassion. Empathy. Things that I hadn’t always had for people that I didn’t care about. So I thank Jesus for every scare for they’re my testimony.

People say, “San how can you forgive this person or that person for what they’ve done?” My response is the same way Jesus keeps forgiving me. My Lord I mess up everything. If not by action or by speaking then for sure by my thoughts. So it’s so easy for me to forgive now. It’s not always been easy though. I use to cut people off so quick. I’d give them “a piece of my mind” so quickly. Now not so much. Especially if you’re someone I care about. I want to talk it out. Try to reason with you. It just makes more sense to me.

On today I totally feel unbothered. Woke up this morning happy and feeling a sense of peace. I have not one complaint. Regardless to what’s happened or going to happen or what’s happening right now I feel fabulous. Sometimes different little things pop up in my head and I just laugh or smile. Like it just happened. 🤣🤣🤣.

You know I’m a special individual. Literally. My thought process is weird folks may say. I’m Green I’ve been told. Im stuck in another time frame. I think different. I’m old fashion. Yeah I’m all that and I love it. So have your thoughts about me. Who cares? I don’t! I know that I’m a good person. A lot of imperfections and flaws. But a huge heart full of love. Full of hope and encouragement. I believe that’s the glow they see in me. They see that heart of mine. I mean well. Don’t want to hurt no one. Just want to laugh, love, and live. And guess what? I pray that everyone that reads this post do the same. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

It’s Over Now

My theme in my heart this week is it’s over now. I mean that literally. Everything I’ve been through. All the bad memories. All the pain. The setbacks. The letdowns. The fighting and arguing. The holding grudges. The lying and cheating. It’s Over Now!

Sunday, the beginning of the new week is the beginning of a new life for me. All things beautiful. I’ve decided to see the good in everything and everyone. I don’t care what they’ve done or doing. I’m only seeing the good. Everything else is rolling off and underneath me. I will have tunnel vision that will only see the good.

It’s so much easier. It’s easier to stay in that zone of peace and there is no way to do that if you’re constantly allowing situations and people to pull you in every direction. You have to be able to stand and not be tossed to and from. What I’ve learned is that in life you’ll have good days and all will be well. But you will also have bad days and guess what? All can still be well. It’s how you deal with those bad days. Everything is based on perspective.

Has anyone read the book, Man’s Search for Meaning? If not you should. It’s about a doctor and how he overcame being in a concentration camp and losing his family. He survived. It was all perspective. It really is. Now the book is deeper than that. If you haven’t read it you should. If you’re wondering why you going through. Or if you can make it through what you going through you should read this book to get some insight.

I had been meaning to blog about why I believe life is NOT short. Instead of blogging about why I believe life is NOT short I’d encourage you to read the book. After reading this book come back and give me your thoughts. I’d love to know if you still think life is short. I believe life is what you make it. I believe we can easily live to be 110 years young but it’s going to take a lot of effort on our part. There are many editions of the book out there. This is the one I read. I pray you can read and grasp the meaning.

I’ve been very busy here lately working and dealing with life but I wanted to come by and just leave some encouragement. Check out this song on YouTube. Listen to the words and then dance and dance like no one is watching too. #beencouraged 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

Happiness

You know I hear people say all the time they just want to be happy. What is happy. What does it look like? Each person has its own view of what happy is. But happy is situational. When everything is going well and in your favor you’re happy. But can you still be happy when things aren’t going well. When things are not going your way? I don’t knock what people want. But being happy is not my goal. I’ve taken a few lost in my life. Each one knocked the wind out of me. But I can honestly tell you that during those situations I was able to be happy from time to time. It was a thought process per se.

Dictionary definitions of happy:

hap·py
/ˈhapē/
adjective
adjective: happy; comparative adjective: happier; superlative adjective: happiest; suffix: -happy
  1. feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
  2. “Melissa came in looking happy and excited”
    • having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation).
    • “I was never very happy about the explanation”
    • satisfied with the quality or standard of.
    • “I’m happy with his performance”
    • willing to do something.
    • “we will be happy to advise you”
    • (of an event or situation) characterized by happiness.
    • “we had a very happy, relaxed time”
    • used in greetings.
    • “happy birthday”
  3. fortunate and convenient.
  4. “he had the happy knack of making people like him”
  5. INFORMAL
  6. inclined to use a specified thing excessively or at random.
  7. “our litigation-happy society.

Now don’t get me wrong. Nothing wrong with striving to be happy. But for me what I’ve learned is that I can be happy at 4:30 PM and then sad at 4:31 PM. Just like that. So what I’ve come accustomed to is balance. Just trying to balance out everything. Being on the lookout and dealing with every emotion that enters my mind. If I feel it I work through it. I don’t deny it. I don’t brush it off. Now sometimes I’m not able to deal with my emotions by talking. I have to write. Other times I pray. But I no longer brush things off. I deal with it. Now I’m old school so I surely believe in picking and choosing my battles. Sometimes I find myself all mangled and contorted but then I use some tools such as meditating. Take six breathes in hold for eight and release ten. It works. I promise. After that I’m normally able to journal to work through the emotion.

When am I happy? When I’m watching tennis. When I’m those that I love. When my house is clean. When all my babies are doing well. When I see couples laughing and playing with each other. When I see puppies. I’m sure there are other moments that I’m happy too.

Yesterday I was driving to work. Me and my daughter were on the phone acting silly like we do. Not only was I happy but I was overwhelmed with joy because those that know us know we’ve had some challenges in our relationship. So when we ON I’m on cloud 13. I suck it all in too because I know if I should happen to disagree or tell her about herself she’ll cut me off. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. It’s cool though. I don’t bite my tongue around her. She always come back around and I welcome her with the same arms and love. But any who she told me she’d call me back so I called my grandmother. Now my grandmother is my prize piece. She raised me. She imparted your ways, thoughts, beliefs upon me. When I was younger they’d call me Lil Pennie because her name is Pennie. So I had asked her about baking. She answered my question and then said, “called me back during daylight.” Mind you it was about 1pm in the afternoon. So I said ok. But my feelings were hurt. I was no longer happy. I had to hold my head back to keep the tears from falling. I immediately called my uncle Dale, her care provider, but he didn’t answer. My daughter by then had called me back so I told her my concern. She tried to encourage me. But just like that my happiness turned to sadness.

My grandmother has dementia and I just can’t seem to accept it because she says things to me that in my mind she has to still be in her right mind. You couldn’t say the things she say if you weren’t. My uncle keeps trying to get me to accept it but sometimes I just can’t see it. I’m normally on cloud 13. I’m pushing 50 but I promise you I can play from 4am to about 8pm. I love to laugh. I love messing and picking on people. I dont know it’s just fun you know! 🤣😂🤣😂. I think I may have some adult ADHD along with many other things. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤔😳. Whatever. I’m just HAPPY, right? Well I was very down yesterday after the conversation with my granny. My other uncle said she was having a bad day. She wouldn’t feed herself so he had to feed her yesterday. Took me a couple hours to bounce back. See what I should have done was used a tool that I’ve learned in counseling instead of letting that emotion of sadness consume me. However I’m still proud of myself because I didn’t try to act like it didn’t bother me. I allowed myself to be in the moment with that feeling. My counselor would’ve been proud of that fact. But she would be asking me questions like what could I have done to not stay so low for so long. I’m sure if I were at home I’d had gone into the fetal position. I dont know why I’m afraid she’s going to die because the truth is, she’s going to die. But I promise you the thought works my nerves. She’s outlived a husband, two sons, and her only two daughters. The woman is a beast at this thing called life.

So back to happy. Happy is awesome. I love being and feeling happy. But I also know that being happy is situational. Hopefully you can tell somethings that make me happy by looking at my pictures throughout this post.

When are you most happy? What makes you happy? Have you ever been happy and then just like that sad? Talk to me.

I’m learning

I’m learning not to fight every battle. Every situation doesn’t deserve my energy or to hear the thoughts going on in my head. That’s a big change for me. Normally everything that comes my way I deal with. I guess age and life will change you. I’m tired I guess. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤔

I believe often times people know exactly what they’re doing and more times than not they are actually looking for a reaction from you. Then after you react you’re the one all in an uproar and the other person somewhere chilling. Plus I honestly know that my battles are not won in the natural. They are won in the spirit and that my victory will come via prayer. Awesome reminder, hmmmmm, little bit more prayer and less trying to reason or figure things out on my own.

I’m learning to not allow people and/or situations pull me out of my zone. I said I’m learning 🤪🤪. I’m not a 100% there but I can feel myself wanting to stop and think before I react now. I don’t necessarily want to get even or retaliate. Go San! Go San! 😀😀😀

You hear folks say life is short. Well I dont know if it’s short. I won’t know till mine ends and even then I still won’t know. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️. But what I do want to do is live the best version of me as I possibly can. Evaluating myself daily. Taking inventory and adjusting as I need to. Be grateful for my journey. I want to love, kiss, and hug. I want to laugh, travel, and watch tennis. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to leave a legacy that my love ones will be proud of.

What a perfect visual ☝🏽. This is exactly what we need. More hugging. More patience. More compassion. More empathy. More love. And I dont know about you but I need more Jesus.

On today I encourage you to stop and think before you react. Don’t worry about someone having the upper hand. Make sure you’re being authentic to you. Love hard. If someone doesn’t return the love don’t worry. That’s not your problem. But don’t let it stop you from being you. We all reap what we sow. I promise you. And at the end you’ll win the battle I promise you. Getting even has never helped me. Trust me I’ve tried it several times. 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Smile! 😀😀😀😀

Being Healthy

You know I’ve always cared about my appearance. I mean I had to be dressed up to go to Walmart. Oh and I still do. However with age and life experiences I’ve learned that looking good is not the only thing that allows you to be healthy. Now don’t get me wrong eating clean, whatever all that entails, and working out is awesome. Those two things will for sure help you be healthy. But how many of you believe that mental health is just as important if not more? Come on it’s okay! Speak on it.

I know in the black community it’s never been smiled upon to go to counseling and or therapy. We are taught to pray. And again I wholeheartedly agree that without prayer we are nothing. But I also believe that Faith without works is dead. So sometimes you have to put in extra work. And what I’m getting at here is that we need to take care of our mental health.

I realized that I needed mental help last year and I’ve not stopped. Yes me! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽. A black female raised by her religious black grandmother. And guess what? I’m so grateful and thankful. I so enjoy going to sit on the couch. As a matter of fact two weeks ago I forgot about my appointment. My therapist texted me to see if I was okay. I was like shoot, I’m on my way. I went in my onesies. I sure the heck did. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️. I do my best not to miss my appointments. Just like I try my best to have a daily prayer life.

My feelings and thoughts are valid. I need to know that. You need to know that. We need to experience them. Not just act like they don’t exist like I use to do. But now I know I can pray, believe Jesus, and still go to therapy. And all is well.

I pray that more of us begin to work on our mental health more. I have break downs. I have times when I dont know what am feeling. And guess what? It’s all okay. I’m putting in the work. It’s my prayer after reading this post that you do the same. Please be encouraged and put the work in for yourself. Most of us are quick to help others. Let’s help ourselves even the more. It’s okay. Selfishness is sometimes AWESOME!!! 🥰🥰🥰