The importance of Self-Care

Was lying here just searching my social media accounts before I get up and get situated and I looked at my nails and thought of the topic of self-care. This has been something that I was taught as a young lady to always take care of myself. My granny started taking me to the hair salon when I turned two and I’m almost 50 and it’s a ritual that I’ve always kept up. I don’t go as much now because I rock my natural hair but I still know the importance of it.

Self-care is so important and I believe that it’s essential sisters to us feeling good about ourselves. It’s not easy trying to be the best mom, sister, friend, lover, and every other title we give ourselves. And sometimes our failures or short comings make us feel inferior or less than. This is where self-care becomes an important tool.

I don’t know about you but nothing makes me feel more beautiful than a pimple free face, my hair popping, toes and nails done, and a beautiful dress. I can have $50 to my name and Mista could’ve just hung up on me, or better yet my daughter, she’s faithful for doing that, but when all those pieces are working in my favor I’m feeling like a million bucks. I love it. It’s surely a cloud popper for me.

Sometimes we get discouraged as women. I’m here to tell you during those moments you must practice self-care like never before. I think it’s mandatory to be on a self-care ritual where you dedicate a day or hours of the day to yourself. That can look like meditating, reading, journaling, pampering yourself, walking your puppies, or simply just doing nothing. Whatever it is it needs to be a part of your week just like work or washing your face. Self-care doesn’t always have to involve spending money. I learned a few years ago that coloring, I believe they call it adult coloring, is something else that’s relatively inexpensive and very relaxing.

The goal of self-care is to have something in place that allows you to focus on YOU! After you’ve taken care of Mista, the babies, the puppies, that personal project that you’re dedicated to, the house, whatever it it, you need to focus on YOU. For if you don’t take care of you how in the world can you be there for others and complete other projects effectively.

Sometimes I’ve found myself looking for self-care from others. HUGE mistake. BIG mistake. That can NEVER happen. Sisters it’s your responsibility to make sure that YOU are taken care of spiritually and emotionally. You can’t put that off on others. For if you do you’re sink into a dark place for you’re find out that the other person is not interested or simply just can’t do it. It’s actually selfish to expect that from others.

Often times I try to add a picture to my post but for Self-care, it looks like different stuff to different people. Going to a tennis match is another example of self-care for me. Sis, whatever it is just make sure that you’re taking time out for you. I can’t say it enough. I’ve been called a many of names. Some or even most maybe correct. But at the end of the day San, takes care of herself. Daily. I have a personal hygiene ritual that allows me time to massage myself. To kiss myself on the shoulder. I’m aware of the smell of my body. My breath. I pay close attention to my skin and my teeth. These things are important to me. I eat bad often times and don’t work out like I should but trust me I look at my body daily and I know when to step back and discipline myself. And guess what? I do these things for ME.

Sisters, I promise you won’t regret making time for you. I promise. It’s not selfish it’s vital. It’s essential. It’s a MUST. Share with me what you do for your self-care. Give me some new ideas please. For I love me. And in the last few years I’m learning even the more to do it just that much more! Be encouraged my beautiful sisters!

Oh wait I just thought of a song I use to do step aerobics too. This song makes me love on me. I’m in love with my body. Check it out here.

IF

If I tell you I care, if I tell you I love you, if I tell you I want you, if I tell you I’ll always be yours, if I tell you I miss you, if I tell you I dream of you, if I tell you I smell you, if I tell you I can’t stop thinking of you, if I tell you I want you, if I tell you how I really feel what will you do? Will it matter? Would it make a difference?

Vulnerabilities

I’m hurt!

This post will have a continuation I’m sure. I’m too hurt to finish it!

Life is a teacher. You have to listen. Not add your own funky two cents. Just listen. Open your eyes. Stop making things the way you want them to be. Life is not a fantasy. Disney characters are just that, characters. You can’t just go around making up your own Cinderella story and making it exist. Life doesn’t work like that.

What are you talking about San? You see I’ve done this with the three guys that I’ve loved in my life. If I look back there were signs. I ignored them because I wanted what I wanted, LOVE! But you can’t make a person love you.

Even now I care about a man right now so much that it hurts. I’ve always cared about him. The true fact is that I care about him more than he’s ever cared about me or ever will. See I honestly believe that we make time for what we want. So if I don’t make time for you I don’t want you. It’s just that simple. It’s 24 hours in a day. Most of us have a job. A career. We own our own businesses. Tired or not if you care about someone you’ll make time for that someone.

Now don’t get me wrong, we have to eat so I understand and totally respect a man that grinds. It’s the only way in my opinion. However if you want a woman in your life you make time throughout the day for that woman. You tell her you want her. You do sweet nothings to show her that you want her. This is not old fashion. This is true. I know it to be true.

Plus you can feel love. You can tell when somebody cares. It’s in their actions not their lips. It’s in the eyes. Love can be felt. One can tell when you care about them.

I believe some people have these egos and these fears or they so stubborn and think they don’t need nobody that they can truly be blind to a good thing. But even if that’s the case it’s still not my job to make one see that. The Bible says, when a MAN finds a wife he finds a good thing. Ladies, we can’t make ourselves into what we want in our heads. Do you hear me San? Yes ma’am I do. And yes I’m asking me a question and I’m answering my question.

I’ve been labeled high maintenance. I’ve been labeled different. Called spoiled. And all that is true. But I’m real. I care. I love. I support. I’m honest. I’m faithful. Long suffering. Fun. Funny.

This is a post that I write from a place of pain. Hurt. I feel foolish. I keep making the same mistakes over and over again and nothing ever changes. I don’t play games. Don’t know how to. I say I need to date to gain experience and when I think about it that sounds foolish. One shouldn’t have to have sex with ten people to find love. Nor should one have to go out with ten different men to find love. And ten is just a number that I’m throwing out there. Why can’t we just adult and be real. Hold up. Wait a minute. Folks are being real San. It’s just not YOUR real San. Again accept what life is teaching you and STOP trying to make something work that never will.

Ever care about a person so much that their smell simmer in your head throughout the day. You see their movements. The way they do their lips. The way they back their car into the garage. Yes! You ever experience that? You ever long for their touch. Luther Vandross song, Think about you comes to my mind. https://youtu.be/4PL_Gl3Pgqc

The Touch
The hugs

Anyways I’m tired. I’m hurt. I’m upset at myself. But I’m still grateful. Thankful. Blessed. It could be worst.

The last day of 2019

My I don’t want to write a book here but this year has been a trying year! January is my birthday month. I spent my birthday by myself and anybody that knows me know I love birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Fathers Day. I separated from my ex husband. I got in touch with an old friend of mine and caught serious feelings. Lived pay check to pay check for a few months. Went to a new tennis tournament that I never had been to before in DC. Started working on my credit. I’m almost in the 700 club, praise God. Started saving my money so that I could stop living pay check to pay check. Learned how to crochet. Tried Air BNB. Not for me. Not in my house I live in anyways. Lost the woman that raised me and taught me how to be a lady. She introduced me to Jesus too! Wanted to move but couldn’t figure it all out. Filed for divorce. Found out my biological mother had stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer that spread to her lungs. Let see, did I miss anything? I don’t know. But I do know that I thank Jesus that I’m closing out 2019 way better than I started 2019. I have peace, joy, and love in my heart! Not angry at nobody. Don’t hate nobody. As a matter of fact I can honestly say that I love everybody. Even those that I feel have hurt me. I’ve forgiven. I’ve asked to be forgiven. Life is good. I’m grateful. Thankful. Happy and ready for 2020. No resolutions in mind. I’m going to continue to stay focused and grind and I’m EXPECTING a better Sandra next year than I was this year. I pray that everyone that reads this has a testimony that can inspire and uplift someone else. I love you and please be encouraged. Let go and let God, for real! This too shall past. Nothing last forever. Your later shall be greater than your former!

Just wanted to send off a quick message at year end! Whatever you do be safe and enjoy!

Make it count! New YearNew Improved YOU!

What does it mean to act white?

What does it mean when you’re black and another black person tells you you act like a white woman? Is that offensive or what? How do white women act? I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been a white woman.

I LOVE my Blackness

I’ve heard this throughout my life that I act like a white girl and I looked like a white girl. It’s never bothered me before, but when it comes from somebody you like it feels different. Sort of like hmmmm. Wonder what they really mean. Or what they really think of me? It’s sort of disrespectful. Me and this person go way back and it hasn’t been until recently that they told me this. I sort of respect their opinions but this one has me feeling some kind of way.

I’m Pro Black

I use to not mind being called a white girl in regards to my body shape because back in the day white women where tall and thin and so am I. But in 2019 you see white women built like Serena Williams. Now I don’t know if they are buying these bodies or what! Every social media sight I’m on you see the white models telling you to do squats and/or lunges to get this perfect round butt. All I know is that I’ve squatted my knees out and I still don’t have a butt! So I tell myself that I just have a Sandra body. I’m Sandra and that’s awesome! I love my long legs and thin figure! I love that my inner thighs don’t rub. I’ve been told I have an athletic body. I’ll take that even though I’m totally NOT athletic.

Better get you a Sandra. Although there’s only one ME!

Back to this act like a white woman mess. The examples I was given is that I look like the type that would live in Buckhead Atlanta and walk my puppies with a big brim hat! What the what? LOL! So only white women do that? Isn’t that like thinking white women are more socially astute than black women? That’s condescending in my opinion. Another thing I was called out on was the fact that I’m rebuilding my credit. My credit took a lick a few years ago because me and my SOON to be EX made a financial decision that he didn’t uphold his part of the bargain. So, I was speaking on how excited I was that my score is on the rise. They go, “ain’t no black person thinking about credit.” Huh? Really? No black person is thinking about their credit!!! That’s crazy to me. Like flat foot crazy. Mind you this person says they have excellent credit and they are black. I wonder if the person thinks I’m having an identity crisis. And if so when did that begin? In their opinion. I think for the most part I’ve been the same. I’ve gain some weight. As they always say, “heck I’m 50 years old.” Although I’m not. I still have a couple more years. I’m in no rush. Plus I want that credit right by then. LOL! I mean I work a lot now something I’ve never had to do all my life. But that’s cool. This person works all the time too. So I know they respect my hustle. But the whole white woman thing is just totally not correct. I mean I act like a black woman. A beautiful black woman. An intelligent black woman. A black woman that’s putting the pieces of her life back together. Yes I love puppies. I’d love to walk my babies in a beautiful A-line dress and some nice heels and my hair done. But that’s not a white woman thing to me. Yes I love being thin. If I could gain weight and look like the traditional black woman I’d put on about 5 more pounds. Unfortunately my weight doesn’t come on me in such a way. I look like trailer park trash when I gain weight. Mind you I use to live in a trailer home within a trailer park. So I know what I’m talking about. I don’t get the big butt or the shapely thighs. I get HUGE breast. My inner thighs touch and my stomach and back get rows. None of which are cute on me. So I prefer to remain small. Also, I think my breast are still a lit bit too big (from when I did gain weight and looked liked trailer park trash, cute trailer park trash nonetheless) but oh well. It is what it is. I’m worrying about getting my credit back right and getting my savings back right so the breast will have to just be grateful for being cancer free. In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I’m cute!

Can’t leave this white woman mess along. It’s stuck in my spirit. I love my blackness. As a matter of fact those that know me know I tan every year. I even go to the tanning salon and lay in a number 5 bronzer bed. So I’m super proud of my blackness. I don’t ever want to be white nor do I want white people tendencies. Whatever they are. My long legs are a blessing from my dad. My slim body is too. My loving spirit in general, I get from my Grandma. I’m very proud of that characteristic of mine. The fact that I’m culturally astute is because I’ve lived, I’ve traveled, and I’ve experienced life. I see nothing wrong with my way of living. I don’t bother nobody. I’ll help anybody and I love everybody. My Lord what a gift from Jesus.

And it’s beautiful just like ME

Embrace Your WOW Factor!

I started reading in 2017 and I can’t stop. At some point I need to put these books down and take action. However, every time I start, I see another good book, help me please! I need an intervention. But no not really! I try not to buy more books, I promise I do but I’ll pass it up and not buy it but It’ll stay in my mind. Before you know it I’m on Amazon buying the book.

I want to speak about a book I just read by Mrs. Paris Love titled, Embrace Your WOW Factor, 7 Ways to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses. I read this book yesterday. You will not stop till you finish reading it, I promise! It’s a quick read filled with golden nuggets that resonates with you. As you know I blog a lot about the emotional and mental trauma I’ve experienced. This sister here is on point with her steps to advance you beyond the hurt and pain. You can purchase your very own copy at EMBRACE Your WOW Factor: 7 Steps to Love Yourself Free of Apologies and Free of Excuses https://www.amazon.com/dp/1692855913/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EYJJDbD4MKMN0. And while you there order a copy for a friend girl like I did. I’d love to start an online book group to discuss the information that this book reveals.

A MUST Read!

People ask me all the time why do I forgive so easily. Or folks don’t understand how you can forgive someone for molesting your child. Or a spouse that has had a child on you while you’re still married. Honestly it’s not for anyone to understand. I can tell you that I often times don’t want to forgive. The easy thing is to stay in the pain. Have a pity party. Accuse the person of all their evil. Hold the grudge. Constantly lash out at them for the hurt. Question I have is what does that profit? They say San how can you smile through all you’ve been through? My question back to them is, how can I NOT smile through what I’ve been through. Regardless to what I’ve been through I have no need or desire to complain. Now mind you I went through phases where I wanted the first hubby killed, literally. And the second one I busted a vase over his head and damaged his precious baby, his convertible BMW. But it was for a season. I’m able to care and love both of them. Don’t wish either of them no harm. For after all that, I realized it was time to deal with Sandra. Renew Sandra. Fix Sandra. Love on Sandra! So I began counseling and put the work in.

As Mrs. Love spoke about balance and taking care of you in her book, I felt it all. When a person doesn’t take care of themselves, I call it being a busy body. Distractions. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re not taking care of ourselves because we clean up so well. We look soo good on the outside while the inside is literally deteriorating. I was fabulous at doing it all. I’d pay the $300 for the sew-in. I’d buy the hair bundles for $400 plus. I’d pay $2000 for the Valentino bag! Yes I did all that and some. But I was broken in the inside. See I was a busy body my entire life. I started having children early and got married early. Actually I’ve been married my entire adult life. And yes I love the institution of marriage! However my busy body activities were always trying to be a perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend. Give back to the community. Look out for others. I went through phases of blaming myself for years. See I know the word of God. Even when I’m not living it I know it. I beat myself up because I felt that had I been praying and watching as the Bible instructed then I would have known what was going on in my house. But I thank God for counseling and this book. And how I’m still learning to NOT blame myself and to STOP apologizing. The steps that Mrs. Love speaks about in her book that I love so much are biblical. It’s not Jesus desire for us to live under all this hurt and pain. And magnifying someone’s wrong doing does nothing for you. Often times when we hurt somebody it’s not the person that’s getting hurt that it’s about, it’s about the person that’s committing the actions. They’re dealing with their own demons. I learned this the hard way. When somebody hurts you, you want that person to suffer and suffer long. But when you in the mercy seat you want favor. You want understanding. You want forgiveness. I’m telling you I know what I’m talking about because I’ve experienced this. Let that mess go. Let it all go. Focus on you. Get help. I saw this and it hit the point the book and myself are encouraging us all to do.

Try it! Daily!

I also had to learn to stop with the negative talking. I’m broke. He hurt me. I’m tired. All that negative talking picks up momentum the more you feed it. So I had to learn to change my thought process. I still catch myself doing and I try to switch it up. I’m not broke. Stop buying dresses and going to watch tennis when you know you don’t have the money, which is probably NOT gone happen. I’m just being honest here! Sis the book speaks on all that. The Bible even teaches us that’s it’s not what goes in the body that defiles the temple. It’s what comes out. It teaches us there is life and death in the tongue. I love reading. Absolutely love it. And I only read self-help, non-fiction and autobiographies, biographies, and memoirs. But guess what? Everything we need is in those 66 books! I promise you. The Holy Bible is THE Book!

Mrs. Love speaks of living in the NOW! How many of you know that the word of God teaches us to take no thought for tomorrow? Look it up. It’s in there. Why worry about tomorrow? It has its own issues. Plus he said if he feeds the birds how much more will he do for us. The bird don’t be flying around stressed and worried. Sis again, let that mess go. Take in today. It’s beautiful. We miss so much worrying about tomorrow and yesterday too. Here’s a problem that I have. Something happens, let’s say on Monday. I shake it off or really don’t even realize it happened. Come Wednesday I’m all the way back in Monday analyzing what happened. How crazy is that? But I do this. It’s stressful. It’s unnecessary. Don’t let me go to that person. They be like, “San gone with all that!” I’m telling you thats crazy huh? But I do that. But guess what I can work on that. And it all starts with me.

Also I like how she recognized she had to go through her experiences to get the book! Yes sisters. There is a book in us. Don’t feel bad. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t force something that won’t fit. Go through. Get the testimony. Get the book! My Lord I felt that. I was just sharing with a sister that I have this burning in my belly that gives me anxiety because I want so very badly to tell and share my story because I know it’ll help others. She encouraged me to step out on faith and I know she’s right. But I know my weakest characteristic is patience. I have none. I was talking a friend on yesterday about working on getting myself back together. Sometimes I get discouraged because I can’t do the things I use to do. That right there is a negative thought process because that’s living in the past. See I’m not there either Sis but I’m working on it. We will all get there is we acknowledge it and put the work in. Take day by day and step by step.

Romans 12:3

I think over the years I’ve convinced myself that I was this perfect mom and wife. Well the truth of matter is that I wasn’t. And I’m not. I wasn’t faithful. I think I’ve justified my lies and deceit because it was always with the same guy over the years. But reality is a lie is a lie. I will never be perfect nor do I have a desire to be. However I do have a desire to always strive to be a better version of myself. Sometimes to others that can look like being ungrateful but I know that it’s me striving and thriving. Something that I wholeheartedly believe in. Perhaps that’s the real truth why I can forgive so easily. I don’t know.

Anyways sisters get the book. Read the book. Pray. Seek help. Learn to get you a daily praise. Get yourself by yourself and start dealing with YOU. What I’ve come to realize is that most of our hardship begins with US. it’s something going on in the insides. But one thing I do know is the struggles, the battles, the let downs, the upsets, the heartbreaks, they all come to build character. They’re not for our destruction. You can live after the pain. As a matter of fact you will live after the hurt. But it’s going to be up to you how you choose to live. I love you and I love this book. Mrs. Paris Love thank you for this gem. Thank you for being transparent. Thank you for being authentic!

Adulting on Social Media

Let’s talk about being an adult. This post is from my eyes. I think my eyes are relatively okay because I’ve had LASIK surgery. However I do need reading glasses now. Any who, let’s discuss what it is to be an adult. What some of the behaviors should be of an adult. And let’s make it relate to social media some how.

It’s interesting!

I remember sitting on my front porch watching all the kids on the block and thinking to myself, I can’t wait to get grown so I can do what I want to do. My granny nor my aunts and uncles thought I should be outside running up and down the streets like the other children. Little girls were suppose to look cute and sit pretty. Not run around and sweat and get funky. Huh? That’s exactly what I should’ve been doing. But nooooo I had to sit on the porch and look cute. Lord k las back in my day you didn’t dare talk back and get flip at the lip like these kids do. Noooo way! But my oh my I could’ve really said some things. But now as an adult I can play and still be pretty.

Sitting Pretty! 🤣🤣

See I thought and still do think that as an adult I don’t have to lie. I don’t have to pretend. I can speak my mind. My yes is a yes and my no is a no. I’m able to apologize when I make a mistake. I TRY to mind my own business. I typed try in all capital letters because I literally try. Not perfected it yet.

Trying to mind my own business

On social media I don’t “slide” in people boxes. This term “slide” is new for me. I learned it earlier this year from my daughter and my nephew. I thought it was cute. It meant to come by my place or where ever am at. But noooo, I’m learning that it’s what grown people do to other grown people in their inboxes. It’s also called DM, direct message. My people this is not cute. This is not a characteristic of adulting. I want you all to stop this. Now if you’re going to “slide” to introduce me to a business or a product or to give me warning I’ll accept that. But to call me baby or sexy, that’s a no no. Grown people that’s not right. Again this is seen through my vision. I also think that grown people should stop with things like GM, WYD, HRU, unless you know the person. Unless you have established this line of communicating. But if you’re “sliding” in someone inbox for the first time this is a turn off. And trust me no one wants to be called baby if you don’t know them unless you’re a rapper. If you’re going to “slide” address the person by their name. Also I’m old school, sexy has a sexual connotation to me so if you don’t know me you shouldn’t approach me in that manner. Thus again another turn off. See it’s just too much you don’t know about the person you’re contacting or “sliding” to. That’s why it’s just not a good thing to do. Now there are dating apps that perhaps these behaviors maybe welcomed. For some. But as for me I just don’t like it. I got on a dating app last year and it vexed me. I couldn’t take it. Those people didn’t even know me and to say they wanted to get to know me was just nasty. I was like why? So I had to really ask myself then why are you on here San? I deleted the app after a week. I would get 50 email alerts a day. Are we really this desperate to be with someone? I had to ask myself that. So as for me I’m not looking to mate on social media. But back to being an adult on social media, stop all that foolish behavior. If you’re looking to date from social media, request to be a friend and follow the person. You can tell who I am and what I’m about with what I post. As a matter of fact I just told a cat this Monday. I politely asked him to not “slide” in my inbox any more.

Be smart about it! Please!

I love people. I’ll talk to anybody. Literally. I do it for a living. And I smile. I smile a lot. I don’t know. For the most part I’m a happy person. My life maybe in chaos but I see beyond it. I’ve had a beautiful life. Some struggles. Ups and downs here and there. Some break ups and make ups. Disappointing times but honestly my good outweighs my bad so I’m good. I have more peace than not. I have nothing to complain about. So, yes I smile a lot. But trust me I’m not weak. I’m not flirting. Often times I don’t even see you. I’m just going about my day. It’s easier for me to think on my good than my bad. My good makes me smiles. You have no idea what goes on in this old head of mine.

I stay thinking!

So basically I just wanted to come here and vent out a little frustration because I feel like this past year I’ve been getting punked. People coming at me at all angles on social media. Know that I’m not looking to find my man on social media. I’m not looking period. I love people. I love interacting with people. Especially if you love tennis, spas, shopping, or traveling. So if we are vibing that still doesn’t mean I want to be with you. Just lay low. Chill out. Let’s just chat. Don’t be disrespectful. Problem is you may feel you’re not being disrespectful and that’s because you really don’t know me. You don’t know what I like or don’t like. Right now I’m stuck in 1995 so I’m telling you until I deal with me I’m not a good fit for you because I’ll get with you and tell you some ole stupid ish like if I’ll cheat on you with some joker I knew from years past. You don’t want that nor do you deserve it. Grown people stop “sliding” in these inboxes on social media. It’s not cool. It’s not adulting behavior in my humblest opinion.

Coming from my heart!

Now go and sin no more or shall I say, “slide” no more. Be encouraged on today.

Peace! ✌🏽✌🏽