All smiles over here

So I told you when I started back blogging I wanted to be truthful and transparent. It’s been my goal. I pray that you can read through the authenticity of my words. It’s me. Laying it all out there for others to comment and say whatever they desire. It’s about growth and maturity. It’s about being fed up with the lies and hiding behind a mask of so many things. Like it, love it, hate it, it’s me. All me.

I’m flawed but I’m real. I can be stand offish sometimes but I’m honest. I’ve lied and cheated. What an oxymoron huh? I just said I’m honest. But hey I’m living right? 🀣🀣🀣. I’ve done wrong. I can admit to all of it. But I’m not habitual in those negative things I’ve done. My yes is my yes and my no is my no. I’m there for those that I love. I got you. You hurt me but I’ll forgive and still love you, eventually. It’s just who am I. I hate to say this because it’s a given, I’m NOT perfect. But I’m a perfect person to love and count on. You can depend on me. I won’t tear you done. I won’t hurt you. I’ll encourage you and strengthen you when needed. I’ll laugh and cry with you. But I’ll also let you know when you’re cutting up.

My message today is one of uplifting. Be you! Your authentic self. If you’re angry be angry. If you’re happy be happy. Whatever you’re feeling today feel it. Feel it in its entirety. Breathe through it. Figure out why you’re feeling that way and be honest to yourself. Then do what needs to be done to improve in whatever area. It’s life. We live it. We don’t hide or run for it. I’ve done both. But today I want to be me. Tomorrow I want to be me. I’d encourage you to do the same. 😘😘😘😘

And guess what it’s okay. It’s a blessing to be YOU!

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Still Striving….

At one point I had gotten high. I felt like I was completely healed. Over all the negativity. The hurt. The pain. The lies. The deceit. All of it. I was waking up smiling. I was in a happy place more often than not. My long time friend girl even told me a few days ago that she was proud of me. She felt like her ole friend Jones was back. That made me happy. I felt like I had made progress. Then on Sunday something happened and guess what? I got sad. Fetal position sad. I had gotten in my feelings. Now check this out; there is nothing wrong with being in your feelings. As a matter of fact you should be in tune with your feelings. To ignore them is dangerous. But what I realized is that I was leaving one bed situation and using another situation to help me lose focus of the bad situation I was in. So much so that I felt alone. I felt hurt. Let down. Those trust issues had resurfaced. On today I was told that I was bringing baggage from a bad relationship. Wow was what I said to myself. I didn’t say anything else. But I’m a delayed thinker. So I’m doing what I do when I get into thinking mode, write, journal, and/or blog.

You know I dont care how many times I’ve been hurt or get hurt I don’t want to hurt others. So that old cliche that hurt people hurt people is so far from the truth for ME. I’ve been hurt numerous of times. So much so that to think about the various times is stressful. How in the world could I possibly want someone to feel or experience pain? What would I get out of that? What’s the benefit? Hmmm, there isn’t one. So no I don’t want people to hurt. Especially not someone that I care about.

I’m a loving person by nature. I know this. You’ve heard the saying, “I love hard” several times before I’m sure. Well I believe that to be true about me. If you’re my friend, I’ll love you hard. If you’re my dude, I’ll love you hard, my children, I’ll love you hard. I love with everything I can. I forgive. I speak my mind. I state my truth. I express my feelings. But afterwards I want to forgive and move forward. I don’t hold grudges. I guess sometimes I can. But if I do it’s probably not with someone that I totally love. Perhaps maybe an associate or something. But if you’re in that group of the one I love I’m going to try to work it out. I don’t give up easily.

You know when I was in my dark spot for about a year and a half I had plenty time to reflect and think. I could’ve allowed my situation to destroy me but I say this proudly, Jesus wouldn’t allow me. I wanted to be angry and bitter but I couldn’t. The Lord kept me. He gave me favor. He kept me. He blessed me. Just as he did the three Hebrew boys. I came through with no smell of smoke. None whatsoever. For that I’m grateful. I can’t be bitter and angry. Even when I try it doesn’t last long.

Through living this thing called life I’ve learned a lot and I’m still learning. I’ve learned that nothing works without communication. I promise you this. Shutting down. Acting like it never happened. Ignoring it. It doesn’t work. Life is based on communication. It’s not possible to live without it. I’m a talker. I can talk about anything with anybody. I may not agree but I can talk with you about it. But I’ve also experienced living in a shut down mode. I know from experience it doesn’t work. The issue and/or problem is still there. As a matter of fact it’s there decades later when you go to counseling and you learn that half of the things you’re struggling with is a product of that thing that you never dealt with. Don’t do it. Don’t shut down. Don’t ignore things. Work through them.

My dude told me this last week. I heard him but I didn’t take it in. Then I came across the meme, train your mind to find the good in every situation and it hit me. So now I’ll use this as a daily affirmation to myself. And perhaps you should too.

I’m old fashion so they say. I’m set in my ways. I believe like the old folks do. I don’t agree with 90% or more of this new generation mess. I’m a woman. I don’t want to be a man. I don’t want to lead. I don’t want to be the bread winner. I don’t want to be equal to a man. I’m a woman. I believe I have a place. I’m no less than a male. But I totally believe that we were created differently and for different causes. So with that being said I know there is room for growth. For change. To rethink some things. Handle things differently. I’m working on it. I’m hearing all things and holding fast to that that’s good. I’m striving. I’m thriving. I’m trying to put it all together. I’m believing it’s all going to work out.

So relax. Be encouraged and know that this thing called life is a journey and we are all striving. 😘😘😘😘

I have enough

I do a lot of reflecting throughout the day. My mind drifts and I just allow it. I dont care if I’m far off or right on point; I’ve learned to allow my mind to run free. It’s so refreshing and rejuvenating.

You know one would think I have a lot to complain about with everything I’ve been through. But why? Why complain? What’s there to complain about? Everybody has been through something or going through something so what’s so special about me? That’s rhetorical for surely I’m somebody. Somebody special. A woman, a mother, a sister, and a friend amongst other things. But what I’ve learned is that if I can’t be of help or assistance it doesn’t really need to be said.

I could go on and on and speak on my two failed marriages. I could speak on how my first spouse molested my daughter or how my second spouse had a child on me but I have to give you those stories when I’m able to give you the details so that it’s not just a story. But instead it’s a message that can actually help someone by knowing my story. For everything we go through there is a message. A lesson to be learned. And often times it’s not about the person in the story at all.

But what I want to share with you today is everything you need in life is already within you. You have enough right now to make it through any and everything that has or will come upon you. I know often times when we’re going through it doesn’t feel that way but we have to stop living off our feelings. They serve their purpose but you have to go deeper and know that you know that you’re equipped. You have the tools. You have the mind. The weapons. The wherewithal to handle anything that comes up. You just have to believe it.

I’ve learned that seeking outside help from others don’t help you. Often times they just want to know you business anyways. Most of the people you’re seeking help from are in situations just like you or worst. The difference is they not gone tell you their business. So from trial and error I’ve learned not to seek outside help unless it’s via prayer and/or counseling. But my blog is a place where I can be transparent and vent openly. It’s a judge free zone for me. That doesn’t mean I’m not being judged but like most, hiding behind my little WordPress is so therapeutic.

This last picture sums up my post. I pray today that you’re encouraged. Breathe. It’s okay. Deal with whatever you’re going through. Don’t lay it by the side thinking it’ll go away. Work through it. You are capable. As a matter of fact you are more than capable. You are ABLE. πŸ’—πŸ₯°

It’s all good

Let not your heart be troubled. Things will always work out in the end. Maybe not the way you want them to but they will work out nonetheless.

A few months ago I was sinking and I mean bad. I thank God that I can now see my way. I thought my issue was something I had done or experienced but I learned it wasn’t. It was the company I was keeping. You know sometimes it’s just over. Sometimes you have to let go. Stop forcing things to be. I’m notorious for sticking around longer than I needed to. Thus I’m my worst enemy. I create my own issues. I wouldn’t say I’ve been delivered but I can say that I’m aware of it now.

I honestly don’t believe I have enemies but I do believe I know people that don’t have my best interest at heart. Those are the people I realize I need to let go. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love them. It just means that our relationship has ran its course. So now what needs to happen is we need to go our separate ways and/or not be in contact with each other as much. I even believe that if I can be of any assistance that’s still an option and a possibility. But reality is we don’t mix well any more. And guess what? That’s okay! I’m learning to accept what IS. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

Anyways with experience comes growth. Comes wisdom. Some where along the way you pick of a little grace and mercy that teaches you what to do with the experiences, with the growth, and wisdom. If you’re focused and dedicated to the mission you’re sure to be an overcomer. Life is beautiful even with the downs and the mishaps.

So be real and honest with yourself. Search out yourself. Do the famous SWOT analysis that you learned in your MBA program. And if you don’t have a MBA look it up. It’s acronym stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. Do that for yourself and commit to following through. You’ll look back month over month and see the growth. Be encouraged on tonight.

In the clouds

My mind never stops. It’s seems to do what it wants to do lately. I have some skills that I’ve learned to use but sometimes I guess I’m too lazy to practice what I’ve learned. Mind you I’ve paid a lot of money to learn these tactics. Perhaps I’m not too lazy. Maybe my mind races so much that it’s become the norm so by the time I think to utilize my tools it’s already double timing. Either way this ole mind of mine is something else.

There was a movie, I can’t recall the name of it, but the couple had made some sex videos and the husband was storing them in the cloud on various iPads. Once the iPads got full he’d sell the iPads or give them away. I can’t remember which one. But he thought that what he was saving, the sex videos, were going in the clouds. What he didn’t know was that all those videos were still on those iPads he sold or gave away. So the movie had a saying, “nobody understands the clouds.” I find that to be so very true. I think sometimes my mind works like the clouds. There are a lot of compartments up there. I think that I’m filing things in one compartment but in reality it goes in another compartment. Anybody else feel this way sometimes? I find this to be most true when I’m not focused. Now when I’m focused. The clouds have nothing on me. I’m a dominate force. πŸ’ͺ🏽πŸ’ͺ🏽

What I realize here lately is that when everything is going as planned or how I think things should go I’m very focused and dedicated to whatever work I’m doing. But when something comes to throw me off it’s as if a hurricane has hit me. Again does anybody else experience this? Now not just anything throws me off but if it’s someone I care about or something that means something to me, it really can take me off my course. I sometimes talk to myself afterwards like I’m giving myself a debrief and ask myself all these questions such as why did you allow that to move you? What could I have done differently to remain focused? When I feel myself getting distracted what could I do differently to take control of the situation? And yes I answer myself. After I had this dialogue often times I feel silly because hind sight allows me to see that it wasn’t that important anyways. Or that I over analyzed something or thought too much into something.

Most people that know me know that I’m a very emotional person. I’ve been told that I wear my emotions and/or my feelings on my shoulders. And that’s true. But ONLY towards people and things that I care about. Because if you ask my co-workers they’d say I’m so nonchalant to where most of them think I’m mean.

Be mindful of what you put out in the universe. Someone is always watching you. And guess what? Nobody understands the cloud. Be encouraged.

Life’s about to get good

Hey everybody! πŸ‘‹πŸ½πŸ‘‹πŸ½πŸ‘‹πŸ½. How are you? Happy first day of Spring. I come bringing you nothing but good vibes today. Life is good NOT short. As a matter of fact your life can be long if you do the right things to make it long. But hey I’m no health expert. I just know that statement to be true.

I wanted to come of course to inspire, encourage, and uplift. I dont care what you’re going through on tonight don’t you dare allow it to destroy you. Not your peace nor your joy! I’m not telling you not to deal with the matter but I am telling you NOT to allow it to weigh you down. Often times it’s not the situation we go through that tries to take us out it’s the way we deal with the various situations that DO take us out. So that being the case, if we learn how to deal with situations that come up against us more positively we’d know that regardless what may come with have the victory. There is a bible verse that says “count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations.” I’m learning to practice that myself. And I can vouch that it works when I HONESTLY when I put the scripture into action.

Although I’m not out enjoying the beautiful sunshine on this first day of Spring, I am enjoying sunshine from within. I’m smiling on the inside and outside. I’m feeling good and I’ve accepted what is as what it is. I’m no longer seeking closure instead I’ve closed. Now isn’t that a blessings!! πŸ™πŸ½πŸ™πŸ½.

Life’s about to get good y’all. And guess what? Not just for me but you, the readers as well. Nothing last forever. There are ups and downs. There will be sunshine and rain. But guess what, when it’s all over with and if you wake up to see the next day, life is and will be good. I dont care how much you have or don’t. Where you live. Where you work. It doesn’t matter. I know that there is something on the inside of all of us that’s so much deeper and stronger and because of that alone life IS good.

I want to impress upon every reader to simply be encouraged. Take a deep breathe. Let it out. And simply live. Let the past go. Even what happen five minutes ago, let it go. Live in the moment. Don’t take thought for tomorrow either. It has its own problems and solutions. Live in the NOW. It’s so much easier. Try it. Be encouraged.

Fight

You know all my life I’ve had to fight. Literally. I know that sounds like I’m mimicking Oprah from The Color Purple but I’m not. I fought every Friday on the black top as a child because I was picked on. I thought I was cute, so they’d say. I didn’t wear pants so they’d fight me for that. I thought I was better than others so they’d fight me for that. They’d talk about my momma being on drugs or in and out of jail so I’d get into a fight about that. They’d talk about my grandmother drinking beer so I’d fight about that. It was always something. And back then you better not come home crying talking about somebody beat you up because if you did you’d get a beat down at home and then you’d be walked to the child house and made to fight again. You see everybody knew all the major families in the neighborhood. This was my life coming up on the Southside of Chicago in Englewood.

When I went to high school I didn’t fight as much. I remember fighting a girl once because she said she liked my brother. I drugged her by her hair and as I was fighting her I was talking to her and I told her not to spread that lie. In college of course I was done with this foolishness. But in the Army the south side of Chicago had to come out again. I didn’t physically fight but I had to stand up for myself. You see I’ve always been a tiny person. Long hair, long neck, long arms, and long legs. Just long! 100 pounds soak and wet, literally. So folks thought I was easy. So because I had to stand up for myself soldiers began to think I was mean. I wasn’t mean by my Lord I took NO mess from nobody. πŸ™…πŸΎπŸ™…πŸΎπŸ™…πŸΎ

Once I got out the Army the Lord had began to start working on me and he saved my soul. So the tough “Jones” as my people called me was dying out. My military friend Pam makes no hesitation to call me out when she thinks I’m being weak. Or she don’t understand that the Old Jones is dead. As a matter of fact she doesn’t like it. She chastises me about often. She’d say, “i dont know this Jones.” I woke up this morning feeling like I got my fight back. Feeling like maybe Jones isn’t dead. I’m ready to take back everything that I’ve lost. Now you’d ask me now, “what did you lose? You left out something didn’t you?” Well just keep coming by, the entire story will eventually be told. But for now I have to get it to you it comes up.

You see all my life I’ve been a little different. And guess what that’s okay. My children have always said once I get something in my head it takes an act of Congress to get it out my head. Well that might be true thus the reason why I’m getting my fight back and about to come out swinging. Not physically per se but I’m going to get everything I’ve prayed for because it’s mine. The world, the devil, folks, politics, no one or thing is taking anything from me that’s been awarded to me because I prayed and stood on what I prayed for. Yes I’ll continue counseling because it’s helping me. Yes I’ll still love those that have hurt me. Yes I’ll forgive and help anyone that I can. Don’t take it for a sign of weakness. But I will no longer allow no one or no thing to get in the way of my health, my success, my peace, my joy, my steadfastness, my happiness, my kindness, nor the work that I know I MUST accomplish. Today I’m taking my life back. I’ve laid back and watched as if it was some movie that I was watching and could do nothing about it. The devil is a liar. I’m strong. I’m courageous. I’m an overcomer. I’m victorious. I have the victory. As a matter of fact my name is VICTORY!!!! Hallelujah!!! Praise God. I felt that. My Lord something just went through me and made me shake.

Starting today I’m taking my life back. I’m in control of my destiny. I’m not weak. I’m not crazy, well okay maybe a little but hey, whatever. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ. I’m trading my sorrows. I’m trading my sickness. I’m laying it down for the joy of the Lord. Yes it’s a song but it’s in my heart. I got my fight back. Yaaaassss!!! I’ve been through too much NOT to have the victory. You hear me? The things I’ve gone through folks would have given up or died. But I’m still here so I know I’m blessed. As they say too blessed to be stressed. No more game playing. No more sadness. When I look back over my life and ALL that he’s brought me through my soul shouts hallelujah because guess what? It could’ve me. It should’ve of me. But God.

So to my readers rise up today. Be strong and courageous. You got this. We got this. Fight for what’s yours. Don’t just sit back and watch your life as if you’re at the movies and don’t have a part in the production of it. And if you’re on fire one day and cold the next day, so what. Keep on living and if you allowed to see another day get right back up and fight for the fire again. I come today to tell you to fight and be encouraged.

The Serenity Prayer

Woke up this morning and literally the phrase “help me Lord to accept the things I can’t change” were on my lips as I begin to get situated. So I typed it in a search engine and the serenity prayer came up. I found this beautiful picture of it. I sent it to my friends and my children with excitement. πŸ™ŒπŸ½πŸ™ŒπŸ½πŸ™ŒπŸ½

Now I know everybody has heard of this prayer. We’ve sent it to people to encourage and uplift them during their hard times. We’ve even prayed it. But today it became life. The words literally strengthened me. Like made my body parts move. Gave me energy. Put some pep in my step. I was elated. I want to tell the entire world that I’ve got the victory. I dont know about you but I don’t wake up like this daily.

So as I was sending this picture out people begin to send me uplifting thoughts. Songs. Prayers. And words of encouragement. I hear a lot of folks talk about karma and the universe but I strictly believe in you reap what you sow and the Holy Ghost. So I knew immediately that I was reaping what I was sowing. And that right there gave me the victory.

I started this post on yesterday and got busy and saved it. Today I’m continuing it and let me say I’m in that same spirit today. I’m loving it, to the tune of the McDonald’s theme song. 🎢🎢🎢. When you position yourself for greatness it MUST come to past. I’m getting out of my own way. Leaving the past behind and focusing on my NOW. I finished the book, The Alchemist, and knew right then that now is the time. Stop dwelling on the past. Let it go. Live for right now. Not tomorrow but for right now. And I know it’s only been two days but guess what I’m taking it.

So to my readers please leave the past behind you. Leave it along. You’ve heard everything it has to say. It doesn’t have a new message. Let it go. Live in the now. Take one step at a time literally. Be encouraged.

This morning

I woke up this morning feeling different. I’ve been living in a state of fear and this morning I woke up feeling different. It was a feeling of “girl get it together”. It was sort of an odd feeling but I thank God for it.

Fear is such a crippling emotion. Once you fall into it you can’t even move or think right. You’re like frozen. There is a scripture in the Bible that says God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. I totally get it now. Without a sound mind you’re lost. I dont care how many degrees you have. How huge your vocabulary is. It doesn’t matter. You are not able to advance any agenda if you’re working in fear.

So I decree on this day that I will not walk in fear anymore. When and if it tries to return I’ll use the tools I’ve learned in therapy to overcome it. I’ll pray. I’ll meditate. I’ll journal. I’ll go for a walk or something but I will NOT stay in the state fear. I will NOT.

You know in life you’ll experience various things and guess what? That’s okay. But during or in the experience please make sure that you’re growing. Don’t become stagnant. Don’t let it make you bitter or angry. Fight through it. Life is not as short as people say it is. But life is very valuable. And if you’re able to experience it, do just that. Experience IT. Be open to the challenges. But don’t let it become a wave that takes you under. There are tools that can help you overcome what ever challenges comes upon you.

I encourage you to visit my blog and read these post. Come back whenever you feel the need to. I’m here to help and not judge. The word of God teaches me that we overcome by the words of our testimonies and by the blood of the lamb. So I don’t mind sharing with the world my testimonies if my savior will get the victory and if I can help someone. Don’t be out here thinking you’re alone. That’s a trick of the enemy to getting you feeling you alone. But let me tell you you’re not alone. Just this past Saturday I got so low I wanted to just sleep away, literally. That’s a dangerous place. I’m always in a state of encouraging myself and I’d love to encourage you.

Be blessed my beautiful readers. This too shall pass. And guess what? If you keep pressing your way hopefully you’ll see a new day tomorrow and you’ll be blessed with some new mercy and grace and that right there will be the strength you need to move on. Don’t give up and don’t look be. Be encouraged!

Why Me?

Why NOT me? I mean like really who am I? So I think because I’m educated I’m not going to experience any ups and down in my life? Or because I’ve seen the world I’m better than those that haven’t left the states. Or do I think because I wear beautiful dresses and shoes that I’m all that? Or check this one out, because I’m naming the name of Jesus Christ I’m exempt from going through?.. 😳😳😳😳. What the mess. I pray no one is really feeling this way. I surely pray not.

Inside you’re asking yourself why me, why not be thankful that you’re considered worthy enough to experience EVERYTHING that you’re going through. Why not count it all joy? Why not try to figure out the message and the lesson in it? More than likely it has NOTHING to do with YOU. You’re just the vessel that’s being used. These light afflictions that you’re experiencing regardless of how it my hurt is NOTHING compared to what Jesus had to endure at the cross. When I get into that “why me” mode I begin to think on what Jesus said, if it be your will Lord suffer this cup to pass, NEVERTHELESS, not my will but your will oh Lord. Get you a NEVERTHELESS down on the inside and watch how things begin to look different.

In my efforts to get my life situated after the last five years of darkness I’ve been really digging deep. It’s been hard and it’s been very lonely and emotional but I’m so glad I’m accepting and working through the process. Mental health is real. I dont care if you know Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, or the Hindu Gods, if you are blessed enough to keep opening your eyes morning after morning you’re are going to be tried. And some of us is going to be tried like gold (if you don’t know the process of how gold is made look it up). But if you can stop being the victim and step back and look at things without pity you’ll begin to understand the why and the what. The plan will begin to unfold right before your eyes. You’ll sit back and begin to laugh because you see it for what it’s worth.

I know everyone is looking for a purpose in life. But when you get through searching come back and read this blog again. Your purpose in life is to help someone else. It’s NEVER about you. So STOP putting so much stock in yourself. You’re really not all that. You’re a vessel. And the sooner you accept that the sooner the clouds will open up and the burden will feel less.

I can’t leave this little nugget out. A lot of the stuff we are going through is because we won’t let go of these toxic relationships. 😳😳😳😳. Did I say? Yes I did. And I’m speaking to myself first. We want people to be who we won’t them to be when their not capable. They couldn’t be that person if they honestly tried. I mean think about it. You can learn new skills. Get a higher degree. But your character, morals, and values were created years ago. Those are probably not going to change at 50 years of age. Let go of those toxic relationships and work on your mental health and watch all that stress start falling out. It’ll literally feel like you dropped a heavy bag of books from your arms.

As always be encouraged. Pray. Seek counseling if you need some. Don’t worry about the nay sayers. They messed up too. Work on YOU. Stop trying to change people and/or the situation. Rest in your journey. It’s going to all work out.

I encourage you to read Shook One Anxiety playing tricks on me by Charlamagne Tha God. I just finished reading it the other day and I cried and laughed at the same time. You’ll want to work on you after reading this.