You don’t know my story

A lot of people know of me but very few know me. I like it this way too. What you see is not what you always get with me. I can be a complicated person and sometimes by choice. With that being said I love me some me.

I’ve been through a lot. Perhaps no more than anyone else but I’ve been through a lot. I’ve been so low at times where I wanted to give up the ghost; But God. I’ve also been so high where I was like that temptation song, walking on cloud 9.

I’ve been talked about. Somethings have been true and some false. I’ve been loved and I’ve been disliked. I’ve been hurt by people that I thought really loved me. But I’ve also been uplifted by those that do love me. I’ve been encouraged. I’ve had people praying for me when I couldn’t pray for myself. You ask, “how do I know?” Because there were times where I felt my strength coming when I was physically weak.

I’ve had designer clothes, shoes, and handbags, luxury cars and 5000 square feet homes. My children have gone to private schools and we’ve traveled the world. I’ve had million dollar insurance policies and hundreds of thousands of dollars in accounts, banks and investment houses. I’ve had and I’ve lost.

I say all this to say I wouldn’t trade my journey. Every scare. Every pain. The ups and the downs have made me the woman I am today. I’m able to forgive people when they hurt me to the core and honestly still love them. The compassion that Jesus has placed in my heart sometimes don’t make sense. I don’t even understand it. But I’m so grateful for it. And as Philippians 4:12 says, I’ve learned how to be abased and I’ve learned how to abound. For this I’m grateful.

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Control

I saw this and began to laugh. My husband and my children all think that I’m a control freak. Of course I think otherwise. So when I saw this it just tickled my fancy.

So if I’m looking for change why wouldn’t I take control? incredible change at that! Should I just take the back seat when it pertains to my life? My spouse life? My children life? Hmmm!! What say you? πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”

Okay hey, I maybe a little controlling. Not in this sense that the message here is referencing. I do like things a certain way. I do want to know what’s going on with my spouse and my children. My babies are all grown but they are still my babies.

My baby boy even told me while he was on Christmas break, “Ma you just upset because you’re not in control no more!” He said this because he transferred to another school without my help and I was wanting to know where he was staying and who he was staying with. If he had toilet and household items. I wanted to know all the things that a mother is suppose to know. Is that controlling? πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ Whatever!

Anyways, so yeah, just thought I’d come and write a little something something because this pic made me laugh. Controlling or no controlling I’m ME. I’m momma. I’m the wife. Don’t get it twisted. Be encouraged.

Hold on just a little while longer

Ever feel like you’re at the end of the cliff ready to jump? Ever feel like the walls are closing in? Ever just want to give up? Ever cried yourself to sleep? Ever wondered why this or why that? I know you have. Most of us have. I’m here to tell you it’s okay. It’s gone be okay. There isn’t anything that you’re going through or experiencing that can destroy you. Please believe me. Everything you’re experiencing is working out for you’re good. And guess what? Get this in your spirit; the things you are experiencing or experienced or going to experience ain’t even about you. You just can’t see it right now to remove yourself from the situation. It hurt too much. Why me? Please make the pain go away. Whatever. It is what it is. And guess what again? You’ve been chosen for this season of pain, hurt, unease, or whatever emotion you want to associate with it. And the sooner you accept it for what it is the sooner you’ll get past it all.

Life is really what we make of it. Most of the things we experience is of our own making. But we can’t accept that. We looking to blame someone else. Again the “why me syndrome!” I dont know why we do that. Does it make us feel better? What does it accomplish? I’ll tell you, NOTHING. Not one single thing. And the person you’re blaming has gone on with their life. Ha!! Can you believe that? Say what? 😳😳 Yes they’ve moved on.

So the best advice I can give you is to move on too. Work on you. Count it all joy. Cry. Cry is good healing. Get a ball and through it at the wall as hard as possible. But whatever you do don’t give up on yourself. Don’t you dare. You’re not a mistake, you made a mistake. Let it go. It’s over. Done. Now go on and seek help. Heal. Learn from the mistakes. And guess what? It’s all gone be worth it soon and very soon. Be encouraged. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

Help is on the way

What a week it’s been. I’m so grateful and thankful for my life. The good and the bad. The pretty and the ugly. I’m thankful for continued growth and strength. I’m thankful that my good days outweigh my bad days. Thankful for friends and family. Thankful for employment. Thankful for salvation. For wisdom. For love and compassion. I’m just thankful on this evening and wanted to share it with the world.

See some folks hide behind so much stuff. Some folks want to be things that they’re not only to win over folks that they don’t even need in their lives but their too silly to see it. I want to encourage you on this evening and let you know help is on the way. Be YOU. Be thankful for your life journey. The mistakes and all. For its making you if you allow it. Don’t regret nothing that you’ve experienced. Embrace it. Now I’m not saying to continue to walk foolishly but I’m saying when life knocks you down get back up. And do it quickly.

Set some goals for this week. Write them down. Take day by day. Visit your goals daily. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you don’t accomplish them all. The goal is to set some goals and diligently seek to accomplish them day by day. Focus on the internal more than the external. And work on YOU instead of worrying about others. Stay in the moment. Don’t give a lot of thought for the next day. And whatever you do don’t look back. And with that please be encouraged.

I will not be discouraged

You know I’ve tried to put my past behind me but for some reason every so often I get these suspicions that always end up to be REAL. I’m not that important but I really am. Regardless to what comes my way I ALWAYS overcome it because I’m an overcome, Duh!!

You know I get so tired of folks playing the victim. I guess because I’ve been guilty of doing the same. So when I see that spirit it vexes me perhaps because I see myself. So many people need mental help. I only know this because I’m getting help now myself. So the scale has been removed from my eyes and I’m seeing things for what they really are.

I learned in my 20s that messing around with a married man will get you nowhere. It profits you NOTHING. And I’ve also learned that to everything you do there is a consequence and/or an outcome. And you can’t play victim behind your actions.

It’s one thing to be young and silly but to be an old silly woman is foolish. It’s not cute. Ladies we have to do better. I know stuff happens and sometimes we get caught up. But when we do we have to bite that bullet. Stop playing victim and reflect on what you did and how you can not make that same mistake again. Stop playing victim. Stop looking for pity. Own up to what you’ve done and live with the consequences. Pray. Seek therapy. But whatever you do don’t try to hurt others. It won’t profit you nothing in the end. Remember man might not see you but trust there is someone way bigger than man that sees EVERYTHING. I see you though. And I’m praying for you.

This morning

I woke up this morning feeling different. I’ve been living in a state of fear and this morning I woke up feeling different. It was a feeling of “girl get it together”. It was sort of an odd feeling but I thank God for it.

Fear is such a crippling emotion. Once you fall into it you can’t even move or think right. You’re like frozen. There is a scripture in the Bible that says God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. I totally get it now. Without a sound mind you’re lost. I dont care how many degrees you have. How huge your vocabulary is. It doesn’t matter. You are not able to advance any agenda if you’re working in fear.

So I decree on this day that I will not walk in fear anymore. When and if it tries to return I’ll use the tools I’ve learned in therapy to overcome it. I’ll pray. I’ll meditate. I’ll journal. I’ll go for a walk or something but I will NOT stay in the state fear. I will NOT.

You know in life you’ll experience various things and guess what? That’s okay. But during or in the experience please make sure that you’re growing. Don’t become stagnant. Don’t let it make you bitter or angry. Fight through it. Life is not as short as people say it is. But life is very valuable. And if you’re able to experience it, do just that. Experience IT. Be open to the challenges. But don’t let it become a wave that takes you under. There are tools that can help you overcome what ever challenges comes upon you.

I encourage you to visit my blog and read these post. Come back whenever you feel the need to. I’m here to help and not judge. The word of God teaches me that we overcome by the words of our testimonies and by the blood of the lamb. So I don’t mind sharing with the world my testimonies if my savior will get the victory and if I can help someone. Don’t be out here thinking you’re alone. That’s a trick of the enemy to getting you feeling you alone. But let me tell you you’re not alone. Just this past Saturday I got so low I wanted to just sleep away, literally. That’s a dangerous place. I’m always in a state of encouraging myself and I’d love to encourage you.

Be blessed my beautiful readers. This too shall pass. And guess what? If you keep pressing your way hopefully you’ll see a new day tomorrow and you’ll be blessed with some new mercy and grace and that right there will be the strength you need to move on. Don’t give up and don’t look be. Be encouraged!

Why Me?

Why NOT me? I mean like really who am I? So I think because I’m educated I’m not going to experience any ups and down in my life? Or because I’ve seen the world I’m better than those that haven’t left the states. Or do I think because I wear beautiful dresses and shoes that I’m all that? Or check this one out, because I’m naming the name of Jesus Christ I’m exempt from going through?.. 😳😳😳😳. What the mess. I pray no one is really feeling this way. I surely pray not.

Inside you’re asking yourself why me, why not be thankful that you’re considered worthy enough to experience EVERYTHING that you’re going through. Why not count it all joy? Why not try to figure out the message and the lesson in it? More than likely it has NOTHING to do with YOU. You’re just the vessel that’s being used. These light afflictions that you’re experiencing regardless of how it my hurt is NOTHING compared to what Jesus had to endure at the cross. When I get into that “why me” mode I begin to think on what Jesus said, if it be your will Lord suffer this cup to pass, NEVERTHELESS, not my will but your will oh Lord. Get you a NEVERTHELESS down on the inside and watch how things begin to look different.

In my efforts to get my life situated after the last five years of darkness I’ve been really digging deep. It’s been hard and it’s been very lonely and emotional but I’m so glad I’m accepting and working through the process. Mental health is real. I dont care if you know Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, or the Hindu Gods, if you are blessed enough to keep opening your eyes morning after morning you’re are going to be tried. And some of us is going to be tried like gold (if you don’t know the process of how gold is made look it up). But if you can stop being the victim and step back and look at things without pity you’ll begin to understand the why and the what. The plan will begin to unfold right before your eyes. You’ll sit back and begin to laugh because you see it for what it’s worth.

I know everyone is looking for a purpose in life. But when you get through searching come back and read this blog again. Your purpose in life is to help someone else. It’s NEVER about you. So STOP putting so much stock in yourself. You’re really not all that. You’re a vessel. And the sooner you accept that the sooner the clouds will open up and the burden will feel less.

I can’t leave this little nugget out. A lot of the stuff we are going through is because we won’t let go of these toxic relationships. 😳😳😳😳. Did I say? Yes I did. And I’m speaking to myself first. We want people to be who we won’t them to be when their not capable. They couldn’t be that person if they honestly tried. I mean think about it. You can learn new skills. Get a higher degree. But your character, morals, and values were created years ago. Those are probably not going to change at 50 years of age. Let go of those toxic relationships and work on your mental health and watch all that stress start falling out. It’ll literally feel like you dropped a heavy bag of books from your arms.

As always be encouraged. Pray. Seek counseling if you need some. Don’t worry about the nay sayers. They messed up too. Work on YOU. Stop trying to change people and/or the situation. Rest in your journey. It’s going to all work out.

I encourage you to read Shook One Anxiety playing tricks on me by Charlamagne Tha God. I just finished reading it the other day and I cried and laughed at the same time. You’ll want to work on you after reading this.