Thoughts, Ideas, and Concepts by Sandra Parks

Posts tagged ‘Feelings’

Thinking Out Loud

Sometimes things happen to us and we have no idea why.  We start going back through our lives and trying to evaluate what it is we did wrong or right.  Who did we hurt.  Should I have done this or that.  Most of us believe in Karma and I believe that is what makes us go back and re think our actions and behaviours. 

I find myself literally always thinking.   Sometimes I get a headache simply because my mind wont shut down.  I go to bed thinking and I wake up thinking.  Sometimes when I wake up early I go into prayer.  Sometimes I don’t, I simply lay there. 

Have you ever had these feelings or is it just me?  Do you have incomplete thoughts throughout the day?  Do you believe in Karma?  Do you believe that what comes around goes around?  Do you think that perhaps maybe when things happen to you it’s because at some point in your life you did something to someone else?

You know I lost my puppy about a week ago.  My oh my I thought that I was going to die!!!  I never knew what it meant to lose a puppy because I had never lost one.  And you hear others talking about it but it doesn’t hit home until it happen to you.  To this day I find it hard to sleep.  I find myself seeing his body on the ground.  I see him doing things that he use to do.  Tuesday when I was in the kitchen I know I saw him sit right beside my left leg. 

I’m a very visual person.  I hate that sometimes.  Because I have a very hard time getting images out of my head once I see them.  This sometimes hinders me to forgive.  I know that in order for me to move forward that I must get pass these things.  Problem is I don’t know how to because of the things that I see.

So how do you get images out of your head?  How do you deal with hurt and pain if the pictures, the images, the visuals constantly keep being relived in my head?

I’m just thinking out loud.  However if you have answers to this please leave me a comment or two. 

Also even as I type this blog my mind is racing.  So many things popped up while I was typing that it was hard to stay focus. 

Sincerely,

Sandra A. Parks

I Lost my ToTo

I can’t seem to stop thinking of my puppy ToTo.  He was a 5 year old Terrier mixed with Poodle.  He had been in my life since 2004.  I miss him so much!  I can’t even express or begin to tell you.  He meant the world to me.  Now some don’t think that puppies have souls but I beg to differ.

ToTo was very much so human.  He was such a big light in my life!  He always made me smile!  ToTo would make you love him.  You couldn’t just come into my house and act like he didn’t exist.  He was smart too!  He knew how to get in the chair at the table and eat with us.  OMG he would lay in the bed with you all day.  If you didn’t move he wouldn’t move.  How could someone kill him?

We live in an evil world now-a-days.  I sometimes wish that I could just die because of all the evil.  It’s just too much for me to handle.  I stay around and encouraged because of my babies to include my three (now two) puppies.  I just know that they need me.

I have a 19 year old daughter that even though she is in the Army I know that she still needs me.  I have a 17 year old son that is sometimes head strong but I know he still needs me.  I also have a 12 year old son that I must stay around for because I know in my heart no one would do right by him right because some think that he is bad.  And now I just have two Maltese left.

ToTo will be memorialized this weekend.  The Animal Control folks didn’t tell me that I could get his remains cremated so I didn’t have that done.  When I called this morning they had already done away with him.  SMH!!!  I type this blog with tears in my eyes.  Oh my I haven’t felt this way since my grand daddy died!!!  It’s an undescribable pain.  But I feel most comfortable when I’m sleep.  When I’m awake I keep seeing his body all over the road behind my house.

And to add to my pain I honestly think that someone in my housing area killed my baby!!!

He was a well diverse puppy.  He had been all over the US and he had very great manners!!  Everybody loved him.  He didn’t meet no strangers.  The world has really lost a precious baby, I promise you!!!

At any rate I will post more about my baby later.  I will also add some pictures for you all to see.  He was a special baby.

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