Still Striving….

At one point I had gotten high. I felt like I was completely healed. Over all the negativity. The hurt. The pain. The lies. The deceit. All of it. I was waking up smiling. I was in a happy place more often than not. My long time friend girl even told me a few days ago that she was proud of me. She felt like her ole friend Jones was back. That made me happy. I felt like I had made progress. Then on Sunday something happened and guess what? I got sad. Fetal position sad. I had gotten in my feelings. Now check this out; there is nothing wrong with being in your feelings. As a matter of fact you should be in tune with your feelings. To ignore them is dangerous. But what I realized is that I was leaving one bed situation and using another situation to help me lose focus of the bad situation I was in. So much so that I felt alone. I felt hurt. Let down. Those trust issues had resurfaced. On today I was told that I was bringing baggage from a bad relationship. Wow was what I said to myself. I didn’t say anything else. But I’m a delayed thinker. So I’m doing what I do when I get into thinking mode, write, journal, and/or blog.

You know I dont care how many times I’ve been hurt or get hurt I don’t want to hurt others. So that old cliche that hurt people hurt people is so far from the truth for ME. I’ve been hurt numerous of times. So much so that to think about the various times is stressful. How in the world could I possibly want someone to feel or experience pain? What would I get out of that? What’s the benefit? Hmmm, there isn’t one. So no I don’t want people to hurt. Especially not someone that I care about.

I’m a loving person by nature. I know this. You’ve heard the saying, “I love hard” several times before I’m sure. Well I believe that to be true about me. If you’re my friend, I’ll love you hard. If you’re my dude, I’ll love you hard, my children, I’ll love you hard. I love with everything I can. I forgive. I speak my mind. I state my truth. I express my feelings. But afterwards I want to forgive and move forward. I don’t hold grudges. I guess sometimes I can. But if I do it’s probably not with someone that I totally love. Perhaps maybe an associate or something. But if you’re in that group of the one I love I’m going to try to work it out. I don’t give up easily.

You know when I was in my dark spot for about a year and a half I had plenty time to reflect and think. I could’ve allowed my situation to destroy me but I say this proudly, Jesus wouldn’t allow me. I wanted to be angry and bitter but I couldn’t. The Lord kept me. He gave me favor. He kept me. He blessed me. Just as he did the three Hebrew boys. I came through with no smell of smoke. None whatsoever. For that I’m grateful. I can’t be bitter and angry. Even when I try it doesn’t last long.

Through living this thing called life I’ve learned a lot and I’m still learning. I’ve learned that nothing works without communication. I promise you this. Shutting down. Acting like it never happened. Ignoring it. It doesn’t work. Life is based on communication. It’s not possible to live without it. I’m a talker. I can talk about anything with anybody. I may not agree but I can talk with you about it. But I’ve also experienced living in a shut down mode. I know from experience it doesn’t work. The issue and/or problem is still there. As a matter of fact it’s there decades later when you go to counseling and you learn that half of the things you’re struggling with is a product of that thing that you never dealt with. Don’t do it. Don’t shut down. Don’t ignore things. Work through them.

My dude told me this last week. I heard him but I didn’t take it in. Then I came across the meme, train your mind to find the good in every situation and it hit me. So now I’ll use this as a daily affirmation to myself. And perhaps you should too.

I’m old fashion so they say. I’m set in my ways. I believe like the old folks do. I don’t agree with 90% or more of this new generation mess. I’m a woman. I don’t want to be a man. I don’t want to lead. I don’t want to be the bread winner. I don’t want to be equal to a man. I’m a woman. I believe I have a place. I’m no less than a male. But I totally believe that we were created differently and for different causes. So with that being said I know there is room for growth. For change. To rethink some things. Handle things differently. I’m working on it. I’m hearing all things and holding fast to that that’s good. I’m striving. I’m thriving. I’m trying to put it all together. I’m believing it’s all going to work out.

So relax. Be encouraged and know that this thing called life is a journey and we are all striving. 😘😘😘😘

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I have enough

I do a lot of reflecting throughout the day. My mind drifts and I just allow it. I dont care if I’m far off or right on point; I’ve learned to allow my mind to run free. It’s so refreshing and rejuvenating.

You know one would think I have a lot to complain about with everything I’ve been through. But why? Why complain? What’s there to complain about? Everybody has been through something or going through something so what’s so special about me? That’s rhetorical for surely I’m somebody. Somebody special. A woman, a mother, a sister, and a friend amongst other things. But what I’ve learned is that if I can’t be of help or assistance it doesn’t really need to be said.

I could go on and on and speak on my two failed marriages. I could speak on how my first spouse molested my daughter or how my second spouse had a child on me but I have to give you those stories when I’m able to give you the details so that it’s not just a story. But instead it’s a message that can actually help someone by knowing my story. For everything we go through there is a message. A lesson to be learned. And often times it’s not about the person in the story at all.

But what I want to share with you today is everything you need in life is already within you. You have enough right now to make it through any and everything that has or will come upon you. I know often times when we’re going through it doesn’t feel that way but we have to stop living off our feelings. They serve their purpose but you have to go deeper and know that you know that you’re equipped. You have the tools. You have the mind. The weapons. The wherewithal to handle anything that comes up. You just have to believe it.

I’ve learned that seeking outside help from others don’t help you. Often times they just want to know you business anyways. Most of the people you’re seeking help from are in situations just like you or worst. The difference is they not gone tell you their business. So from trial and error I’ve learned not to seek outside help unless it’s via prayer and/or counseling. But my blog is a place where I can be transparent and vent openly. It’s a judge free zone for me. That doesn’t mean I’m not being judged but like most, hiding behind my little WordPress is so therapeutic.

This last picture sums up my post. I pray today that you’re encouraged. Breathe. It’s okay. Deal with whatever you’re going through. Don’t lay it by the side thinking it’ll go away. Work through it. You are capable. As a matter of fact you are more than capable. You are ABLE. πŸ’—πŸ₯°

If you’re happy and you know it…

Good Evening! If you’re happy and you know it scream, “I’m happy!” I’m happy on tonight. I know happiness is situational. I know that. Duh!!! πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ. But I’m happy and just had to share it. I pray you’re happy tonight too.

I started back blogging to be transparent and to share my truths. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s also therapeutic for me. So tonight I’m sharing with you the good.

You ever have a conversation with someone for hours and it’s all good? No hate. No condemnation. No competition. Just straight uplifting and encouraging. And although there may be some heavy hitting it was meant in a good way? Well guess what I just had that conversation. I had an awesome day on yesterday. Life is good. There is this ole Christian saying, I may not be where I ought to be but thank God I’m not where I use to be. This is so true to me. Even years ago when I was sitting on cloud 13, at least so I thought. I’m glad I’m not there. I’m accepting where I am today and I’m happy. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t have work to do to get back on some sort of track. That would be a lie. I have plenty to do and I plan to do it all. But today I’m happy. And I’m screaming here on this blog, I’M HAPPY! 😍😍😍😍

So happy that I love this meme and felt it perfect for this blog. Yeap I’m feeling myself tonight and I hope you are too. 😘😘. Be encouraged on tonight!

Growth is inevitable

Good Evening my good people. It’s almost Friday and I know everybody is getting excited, especially since the weather is warming up. Heck I’m excited too. I look forward to putting on a beautiful dress every day and showing my pretty toes.

You know my days have gotten easier. Along with going to counseling, accepting what IS, praying, and putting in the work to work on ME, things are starting to look awesome for me. I went through a set back but I knew it wasn’t to destroy me. I knew that something was to come out of all of it. I can now see the end of the tunnel. I’m not all the way out but at least I can see my way through. I’m no longer discouraged. Instead I’m encouraged. I’m feeling more inspired. I have a desire to strive and thrive and fight for the things that I want. I wont lie and say I feel like this every day or all day for that matter but what I will admit is that my later is looking way better than my former and that right there alone gives me the victory.

I’m learning more daily about this thing called life. And what I realize is that if you’ve been doing something for a length of time and you’ve not gotten the results you were expecting, perhaps you need a new method. My past can’t be changed. It’s already happened. But every day that I awake is another chance to prepare for my future. I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to press daily to do better. To become a better version of ME. I’ve decided that I am my brother and sister keeper. I’ve decided to love even when it hurts. I’ve decided not to hurt people because I’ve been hurt. Not to render evil for evil. I’ve decided to love and love hard. To love with purpose. To forgive and NOT cut off. I’ve decided to continue to give. I’m not letting hurt, pain, or bitterness change the woman that God created me to be.

But with all that I’ve also decided to monitor my circle. My involvement with people and organizations. I’ve decided to be careful and diligent in my walk. I’m going to think before I speak. Monitor what comes out of my temple. You know we get so caught up in what to eat and what to drink. Well you do know that anything you put in your temple you can actually pray and ask God to bless it. And if you can just believe the prayer than the pork, the gluten and all the other bad things won’t do your body no harm. But it what’s come out the temple that if not careful can cause death. So I’m purposely being more mindful of what comes out of me. Reality is, what you intake will affect what you out put as well. I’m on a journey. My journey is to inspire. To uplift. To encourage. To reach back and help someone that needs it. If I never become a hundred thousandaire, yes that’s a word now. Never say I didn’t teach you anything, okay! 🀣🀣🀣🀣. Or a millionaire it no longer matters. I’ve chased the almighty dollar and had plenty of it. I’m sure in my years, within one year I’ve made half a million. But how many of us know that if you’re not living right it won’t be worth nothing anyways. So my mind is not on the possessions of this world anymore. My mind is on helping people. People are out here hurt. Using their bodies, drugs, and alcohol to cover up the pain. Most of us clean up well. But most of us are also struggling with all forms of mental illness as well and have too much pride to recognize it deal with it.

I want to encourage each of us to search our inner man and be honest with ourselves with what’s going on with us. Get a journal and write down what you’re struggling with. Make a plan to work on each problem. Set some goals. Get counseling if you need it. Get you an accountability partner. Gather you a group of masterminds. Stay focused and diligent and work through everything that you know is hindering your peace and joy. Life is beautiful and our mishaps and the scares they leave us with matures us. It’s like a beautiful peace of art. The imperfections makes it that much more valuable. Press. Fight. Strive. Thrive. Believe. And guess what? Victory will be yours. As a matter of fact VICTORY is already OURS. I believe it on this evening. Be encouraged and let’s growth together. We have no other choice.

In the clouds

My mind never stops. It’s seems to do what it wants to do lately. I have some skills that I’ve learned to use but sometimes I guess I’m too lazy to practice what I’ve learned. Mind you I’ve paid a lot of money to learn these tactics. Perhaps I’m not too lazy. Maybe my mind races so much that it’s become the norm so by the time I think to utilize my tools it’s already double timing. Either way this ole mind of mine is something else.

There was a movie, I can’t recall the name of it, but the couple had made some sex videos and the husband was storing them in the cloud on various iPads. Once the iPads got full he’d sell the iPads or give them away. I can’t remember which one. But he thought that what he was saving, the sex videos, were going in the clouds. What he didn’t know was that all those videos were still on those iPads he sold or gave away. So the movie had a saying, “nobody understands the clouds.” I find that to be so very true. I think sometimes my mind works like the clouds. There are a lot of compartments up there. I think that I’m filing things in one compartment but in reality it goes in another compartment. Anybody else feel this way sometimes? I find this to be most true when I’m not focused. Now when I’m focused. The clouds have nothing on me. I’m a dominate force. πŸ’ͺ🏽πŸ’ͺ🏽

What I realize here lately is that when everything is going as planned or how I think things should go I’m very focused and dedicated to whatever work I’m doing. But when something comes to throw me off it’s as if a hurricane has hit me. Again does anybody else experience this? Now not just anything throws me off but if it’s someone I care about or something that means something to me, it really can take me off my course. I sometimes talk to myself afterwards like I’m giving myself a debrief and ask myself all these questions such as why did you allow that to move you? What could I have done differently to remain focused? When I feel myself getting distracted what could I do differently to take control of the situation? And yes I answer myself. After I had this dialogue often times I feel silly because hind sight allows me to see that it wasn’t that important anyways. Or that I over analyzed something or thought too much into something.

Most people that know me know that I’m a very emotional person. I’ve been told that I wear my emotions and/or my feelings on my shoulders. And that’s true. But ONLY towards people and things that I care about. Because if you ask my co-workers they’d say I’m so nonchalant to where most of them think I’m mean.

Be mindful of what you put out in the universe. Someone is always watching you. And guess what? Nobody understands the cloud. Be encouraged.

Life’s about to get good

Hey everybody! πŸ‘‹πŸ½πŸ‘‹πŸ½πŸ‘‹πŸ½. How are you? Happy first day of Spring. I come bringing you nothing but good vibes today. Life is good NOT short. As a matter of fact your life can be long if you do the right things to make it long. But hey I’m no health expert. I just know that statement to be true.

I wanted to come of course to inspire, encourage, and uplift. I dont care what you’re going through on tonight don’t you dare allow it to destroy you. Not your peace nor your joy! I’m not telling you not to deal with the matter but I am telling you NOT to allow it to weigh you down. Often times it’s not the situation we go through that tries to take us out it’s the way we deal with the various situations that DO take us out. So that being the case, if we learn how to deal with situations that come up against us more positively we’d know that regardless what may come with have the victory. There is a bible verse that says “count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations.” I’m learning to practice that myself. And I can vouch that it works when I HONESTLY when I put the scripture into action.

Although I’m not out enjoying the beautiful sunshine on this first day of Spring, I am enjoying sunshine from within. I’m smiling on the inside and outside. I’m feeling good and I’ve accepted what is as what it is. I’m no longer seeking closure instead I’ve closed. Now isn’t that a blessings!! πŸ™πŸ½πŸ™πŸ½.

Life’s about to get good y’all. And guess what? Not just for me but you, the readers as well. Nothing last forever. There are ups and downs. There will be sunshine and rain. But guess what, when it’s all over with and if you wake up to see the next day, life is and will be good. I dont care how much you have or don’t. Where you live. Where you work. It doesn’t matter. I know that there is something on the inside of all of us that’s so much deeper and stronger and because of that alone life IS good.

I want to impress upon every reader to simply be encouraged. Take a deep breathe. Let it out. And simply live. Let the past go. Even what happen five minutes ago, let it go. Live in the moment. Don’t take thought for tomorrow either. It has its own problems and solutions. Live in the NOW. It’s so much easier. Try it. Be encouraged.

Trouble Don’t Last Always

Just told someone that and thought I’d come say a few things today. First off let me say that I’m so blessed and thankful to be going to church tonight. I’m going with expectation in my heart because I know I’m going to get a word for my soul tonight. You know just like our natural bodies need food our spiritual bodies need food too and I’m blessed that I’m able to get both.

Okay now about this trouble don’t last always post. It’s true. Nothing last forever. At some point everything comes to an end. Either they/it die or they/it stop. So just knowing that strengthen me. Also having trouble arise is your life is a blessing. I know you maybe reading this like heifer are you crazy? Yes I am but what I’m saying is the truth. Just think about it. If trouble never came your way you’d be stagnant. You’d never move or do something different because in your mind you’ll be thinking everything is okay. Trust me. Been there done that. But when trouble comes it makes you think. It’s uncomfortable. You start moving around. I think most importantly when trouble comes most will call on the name of Jesus. Perhaps out of fear. Nevertheless most do just that, Jesus help me. Be honest. Think about the last time something got under your skin. I’ll wait.

Okay now don’t agree? Didn’t that trouble move you in some direction? I dont know what direction you went in but you moved. I had a close friend guy tell me last summer that we are either in a situation, coming out of a situation, or about to go through a situation. And as I think about it, that’s so true. If you’re able to keep living this is the cycle. Don’t know when but one thing for sure the life cycle is real. So what I’m learning to do is embrace the journey. The one thing I know now that I can control within any situation that I find myself in is my response to the situation. My reaction. How I handle it. That’s what I can control. NOT the life cycle itself. But my response to it is totally in my control.

My people life is awesome. Even when you’re in the lion den, trust me life is awesome. I’ve been there. So I’m not talking about what my grandmother told me. I’m writing from experience.

So I want you to be encouraged on today. Hold your head up high. Walk in your victory. Believe in yourself. Let it go. Forgive.