Today I cried. It felt so good. I needed that. I had been holding so much in the inside trying to be so strong for everyone else. But today I broke down. So many emotions and feelings. Some were of anger, pain, hurt, feelings of betrayal, loneliness, happiness, thankfulness to mention a few. I can’t really tell you everything that I was feeling. But I know I was able to vent to Soror Nedra. My oh my you talking about “we help each other for we know there’s no other like our sisterhood” that is what sisters are for. I so appreciate her for just lending me her ear for a few minutes. Sometimes thats all it takes is a few minutes.
Then my cousin Nikki texted me and I was able to really just tell it all to her since she knows everything. And it was as if I was in the counselors chair. I just poured it all out. And then came the tears. I tried to hold my head up and not make a sound because I didn’t want my boys to hear me. But it just came out. I had no control. I don’t know if you have ever been in the spirit and tried to come out and you couldn’t. Well that is what happen to me today. I so needed that. Because I’ve not been to therapy in almost a year now.
Sometimes keeping yourself busy to not focus on your problems doesn’t work. And I know for me I have to be strong for so many that I have to put myself off often times. But how many of us know that you MUST take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Thus the reason why the flight attendants tell you to put your mask on before you help your child or anyone else.
I don’t celebrate holidays. However Thanksgiving is just one of those days that I think you are just supposed to be surrounded by loves ones. It’s such an emotional day for me. And this morning something so strong came over me. It was so overwhelming. But again I thank the Lord on today for just placing someone in my life that allowed me to vent.
I don’t know about you but my battles start in my mind. That is where the devil tries to get the best of me. But how many of you know that he is defeated on today? He doesn’t have the victory over my mind nor my body nor my soul. But Jesus made a way of escape for me today just as he promised. You know I love me some Jesus. I really do. I can’t tell you all that he’s done for me because I would be writing for days. But when I tell you that he is a healer, that he is a friend, that he is a life line, that he is a keeper, that he is long-suffering, that he is patient, but also he chastises me as well. And I appreciate him for that alone. I thank him for getting on to me when I’m out of line. I thank him that I have an ear to hear when he is getting on to me.
You know I have so much to be thankful for on today. Not because its Thanksgiving but because when I didn’t want to live any more he told me that “THIS IS NOT UNTIL MY DEATH” when I wanted to just give up he wouldn’t allow me and because of that I’ve seen one child off to the US Army, I have one graduating next year and I’m raising my last one with love and patience as well. I’m so glad that I’m still around to talk to them and tell that I love them and that I’m here for them. I’m just so grateful on today. Not only has he allowed me to raise my children; he has allowed me to be a positive force in so many youth today. And for that I’m grateful as well. My soul rejoices in him tonight. I’m happy in Jesus tonight. He has truly been a wonder in my soul!!!
Sometimes things happen to us and we have no idea why. We start going back through our lives and trying to evaluate what it is we did wrong or right. Who did we hurt. Should I have done this or that. Most of us believe in Karma and I believe that is what makes us go back and re think our actions and behaviours.
I find myself literally always thinking. Sometimes I get a headache simply because my mind wont shut down. I go to bed thinking and I wake up thinking. Sometimes when I wake up early I go into prayer. Sometimes I don’t, I simply lay there.
Have you ever had these feelings or is it just me? Do you have incomplete thoughts throughout the day? Do you believe in Karma? Do you believe that what comes around goes around? Do you think that perhaps maybe when things happen to you it’s because at some point in your life you did something to someone else?
You know I lost my puppy about a week ago. My oh my I thought that I was going to die!!! I never knew what it meant to lose a puppy because I had never lost one. And you hear others talking about it but it doesn’t hit home until it happen to you. To this day I find it hard to sleep. I find myself seeing his body on the ground. I see him doing things that he use to do. Tuesday when I was in the kitchen I know I saw him sit right beside my left leg.
I’m a very visual person. I hate that sometimes. Because I have a very hard time getting images out of my head once I see them. This sometimes hinders me to forgive. I know that in order for me to move forward that I must get pass these things. Problem is I don’t know how to because of the things that I see.
So how do you get images out of your head? How do you deal with hurt and pain if the pictures, the images, the visuals constantly keep being relived in my head?
I’m just thinking out loud. However if you have answers to this please leave me a comment or two.
Also even as I type this blog my mind is racing. So many things popped up while I was typing that it was hard to stay focus.
Sandra A. Parks
Without God Our week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday,
Thirstday, Fightday & Shatterday.
Look back and thank God.
Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look within and find God!”
Who wouldn’t forward it!!!
God closes doors no man can open and God opens doors no man can close.
Daily Rules from God
1. Wake Up!! Decide to have a good day. ‘Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.’ Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up!! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. ‘The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart.’ I Samuel 16:7
3. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. ‘He who guards his lips guards his soul..’ Proverbs 13:3
4 .. Stand Up!!… For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. ‘Let us not be weary in doing good ; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good…’ Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up!!… To the Lord.
‘I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.’ Phillippians 4:13
6. Reach Up!!….. For something higher. ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path.’
7. Lift Up!!… Your Prayers.
‘Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.’
Remember that God answers Knee-Mail.
Today’s blog is sweet and simple and to the point! I thank the Good Lord above for allowing me to see another Friday that I’ve never seen before. I’m thanking him for blessing me with my family and my friends. You know I’m a young lady and I’ve been through so much. But through the Grace and Mercy of my Jesus I’ve been so blessed to overcome and prosper just as he promised me. You know he never promised us an easy road or no trails and tribulations. As a matter of fact he promise that we would have our peaks and valleys but he also said that he would make a way of escape for us. And on this Friday I thank him for my many escapes. For when I look back over my life I know that I could have been dead and gone on so many occasions. But he kept me!!!! Yeap he kept me just like he is keeping all of you!!! Thank you Jesus!!!!
Now for you reading this be blessed. Count your blessings, your many blessings. Be thankful! Tell someone that you love them and mean it! Help someone other then your friends and families. Be a light, a mentor, a friend to someone that needs it. Give something of yourself. Give away some of the stuff that you’ve been so blessed to have to someone that doesn’t have what you have. And always love hard! For these are just some of our reasonable services that we can do.
Until next time be blessed and I love you with the love of Jesus!!!