Today I cried. It felt so good. I needed that. I had been holding so much in the inside trying to be so strong for everyone else. But today I broke down. So many emotions and feelings. Some were of anger, pain, hurt, feelings of betrayal, loneliness, happiness, thankfulness to mention a few. I can’t really tell you everything that I was feeling. But I know I was able to vent to Soror Nedra. My oh my you talking about “we help each other for we know there’s no other like our sisterhood” that is what sisters are for. I so appreciate her for just lending me her ear for a few minutes. Sometimes thats all it takes is a few minutes.
Then my cousin Nikki texted me and I was able to really just tell it all to her since she knows everything. And it was as if I was in the counselors chair. I just poured it all out. And then came the tears. I tried to hold my head up and not make a sound because I didn’t want my boys to hear me. But it just came out. I had no control. I don’t know if you have ever been in the spirit and tried to come out and you couldn’t. Well that is what happen to me today. I so needed that. Because I’ve not been to therapy in almost a year now.
Sometimes keeping yourself busy to not focus on your problems doesn’t work. And I know for me I have to be strong for so many that I have to put myself off often times. But how many of us know that you MUST take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Thus the reason why the flight attendants tell you to put your mask on before you help your child or anyone else.
I don’t celebrate holidays. However Thanksgiving is just one of those days that I think you are just supposed to be surrounded by loves ones. It’s such an emotional day for me. And this morning something so strong came over me. It was so overwhelming. But again I thank the Lord on today for just placing someone in my life that allowed me to vent.
I don’t know about you but my battles start in my mind. That is where the devil tries to get the best of me. But how many of you know that he is defeated on today? He doesn’t have the victory over my mind nor my body nor my soul. But Jesus made a way of escape for me today just as he promised. You know I love me some Jesus. I really do. I can’t tell you all that he’s done for me because I would be writing for days. But when I tell you that he is a healer, that he is a friend, that he is a life line, that he is a keeper, that he is long-suffering, that he is patient, but also he chastises me as well. And I appreciate him for that alone. I thank him for getting on to me when I’m out of line. I thank him that I have an ear to hear when he is getting on to me.
You know I have so much to be thankful for on today. Not because its Thanksgiving but because when I didn’t want to live any more he told me that “THIS IS NOT UNTIL MY DEATH” when I wanted to just give up he wouldn’t allow me and because of that I’ve seen one child off to the US Army, I have one graduating next year and I’m raising my last one with love and patience as well. I’m so glad that I’m still around to talk to them and tell that I love them and that I’m here for them. I’m just so grateful on today. Not only has he allowed me to raise my children; he has allowed me to be a positive force in so many youth today. And for that I’m grateful as well. My soul rejoices in him tonight. I’m happy in Jesus tonight. He has truly been a wonder in my soul!!!