This morning

I woke up this morning feeling different. I’ve been living in a state of fear and this morning I woke up feeling different. It was a feeling of “girl get it together”. It was sort of an odd feeling but I thank God for it.

Fear is such a crippling emotion. Once you fall into it you can’t even move or think right. You’re like frozen. There is a scripture in the Bible that says God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. I totally get it now. Without a sound mind you’re lost. I dont care how many degrees you have. How huge your vocabulary is. It doesn’t matter. You are not able to advance any agenda if you’re working in fear.

So I decree on this day that I will not walk in fear anymore. When and if it tries to return I’ll use the tools I’ve learned in therapy to overcome it. I’ll pray. I’ll meditate. I’ll journal. I’ll go for a walk or something but I will NOT stay in the state fear. I will NOT.

You know in life you’ll experience various things and guess what? That’s okay. But during or in the experience please make sure that you’re growing. Don’t become stagnant. Don’t let it make you bitter or angry. Fight through it. Life is not as short as people say it is. But life is very valuable. And if you’re able to experience it, do just that. Experience IT. Be open to the challenges. But don’t let it become a wave that takes you under. There are tools that can help you overcome what ever challenges comes upon you.

I encourage you to visit my blog and read these post. Come back whenever you feel the need to. I’m here to help and not judge. The word of God teaches me that we overcome by the words of our testimonies and by the blood of the lamb. So I don’t mind sharing with the world my testimonies if my savior will get the victory and if I can help someone. Don’t be out here thinking you’re alone. That’s a trick of the enemy to getting you feeling you alone. But let me tell you you’re not alone. Just this past Saturday I got so low I wanted to just sleep away, literally. That’s a dangerous place. I’m always in a state of encouraging myself and I’d love to encourage you.

Be blessed my beautiful readers. This too shall pass. And guess what? If you keep pressing your way hopefully you’ll see a new day tomorrow and you’ll be blessed with some new mercy and grace and that right there will be the strength you need to move on. Don’t give up and don’t look be. Be encouraged!

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Stop Complaining!

Things happen. Life happens. And it’s so easy to get into a complaining spirit. I’m guilty of it myself. I’ve been through a lot. And when I find myself complaining I have to rebuke myself. Man Jesus has been too good to me to complain is what I begin to think. It’s so easy when things don’t go my way for me to start looking at all the things that’s going wrong. Then I start blaming folks for what they are or are not doing. When all along if I just take a step back and look at the grand picture I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about. Even with everything that’s going wrong I still have life. My mind is still functioning. I’m able to do for myself. Probably not like times past but still I’m able. It’s times like this where I have to stop and simply encourage myself. These little light afflictions that comes up in our lives are not for destruction. Focus I tell myself. Let it go! Be grateful. Be thankful. Jesus has been too good to you. Stop all this foolishness. And I begin to smile.

Isn’t it funny how our minds will just take control if we don’t bring it under subjection! You ARE totally in control of what flows through your mind. But you have to work at it. Don’t be so quick to cave into your mind when it’s taking you down stream. You know you’re blessed. You know it. So start controlling that ole mind of yours. You have it in you.

What do you do when you find yourself in a dump complaining about stuff? How long do you allow yourself to stay there? Talk to me. Be encouraged.

Change

I’m really working on me like never before. I mean I’m praying more. Going to natural counseling to deal with old demons that I’ve never confronted. I’m forgiving those that have hurt me and asking Jesus to help them. This is not easy but it’s needed. I wish I would have started years earlier but it’s okay. Better late than never. And guess what? Day by day I’m feeling better.

What are working on in your life? Have you forgiven those that have caused you harm? Even yourself? I realized I hadn’t forgiven myself for several things. But my goal is to walk in peace and love. I also realize I can’t live in those spirits if my inside is jacked up. And it’s been jacked up a long time. Looking at others and not looking at myself. So on today I encourage us all to look our own faults and others faults and see the need. Work on yourself. Press daily to be a better you than you were yesterday. That should be your ONLY competition. Be encouraged on today.

Confusion

It’s 2 am in the morning here and I’m up watching tennis. Got a lot of things on my mind. Life is interesting. It has a way of slowing you down. I have times when I’m up and then times when I’m down. In both cases I have to stay encouraged. Now we all know it’s easier to stay encouraged when you’re in your up season. The fight is when you’re in your down season or somewhere in between up and down.

By nature I’m a fairly high spirited person. I’m loud and silly. But I also have an edge about myself. I’m an introvert and a extrovert. I love being around people but I also enjoy the pleasure of being alone. I don’t like to compromise on things that I’m passionate about. When I’m ready to go I’m ready to go. I don’t have a lot of patience. I’m a helper. I love helping people. I’ve been known to give clothes off my back. I’ve given my last. I’ve stopped what I was doing and prayed for others. So I’d say overall I’m an okay person.

But life. This thing called life happens in ways you can’t control. I’ve been called a control freak. My Jesus I wish I had control over my life. The people in it. The things that happens to it. My coming and going. But unfortunately I don’t and what I’m learning is to be okay with that. I’m learning that I don’t control nothing, literally. And guess what? I’m learning to be okay with that.

So this morning I’m going to lay into the emotion of confusion and think about what that means. How it really makes me feel. And once I finish basking it that emotion I pray I have the strength to move forward and accept it for it is. But with all that I want to continue to encourage myself and know that all things are working together for my good. I need to know that the things that I have to go through are not to be thought of as strange. That they, the issues of life, are working patience in me. They are building character.

So it’s okay to be confused. Just don’t stay there. Figure it out. Give yourself time to figure it out. Don’t judge yourself whilst you’re working it out. Breathe. Deal with it. So to my readers, what are you confused about? And if you’re confused what are you doing about it?

#confused #confusion #life #thoughts #breathe #relax #relate #experience #love #believe #tennis #australianopen #serenawilliams #venuswilliams #judgement #faith #character #pray #prayer #cry #tears #encouragement

Fetal Position

There are times throughout the day where if I’m not careful I find myself in the fetal position mentally and physically. It use to happen more often then it does now. Now I’m aware of it so I immediately get myself going before I get that low. I learned some skills in counseling.

Sometimes my mind won’t stop. It wants to go back in time and try to figure out why. That’s where it begins. I begin to think of why things happen to me. Why people let me down. Why weren’t people there for me. Why did I have to walk alone. How come people can’t be real. It starts to think about some the worst positions that I’ve been in. But now instead of getting stuck I press. I read. I write. I journal. Or I do what I’m doing now, I start blogging.

My schooling and career is that of analysis so I can over analysis stuff easily. Without even realizing that’s what I’m doing and before you know it I’m about to cry. Now I confess to be a Christian and I know not to look back. There is an example of Lots’ wife looking back so I know the consequences of looking back but I’m speaking my truth in telling you that I’ve been guilty of looking back. I’m trying to practice not looking back because thats where things begin to spiral out of control. So starting back blogging has really been another outlet for me that keeps me from getting into that fetal position.

You know I really do thank Jesus for all that he’s allowed me to experience in my life. I’m literally learning to count it all joy and to think it not strange when I even go through various situation. I’m starting to really be grateful that as he told the devil with Job, have you considered my faithful servant, he’s done and doing the same thing with me.

So you know I like feedback so to you my readers what do you struggle with? Do you ever experience that low level of depression and if you do what do you do to get out of it.

#depression #life #sadness #fetalposition #faith #jesus #health #patience #love #live #growth #beencouraged #strive #thrive #struggle

Waiting for my baby boy to have knee surgery..

As I set here thinking of life, my life, so much is running around in this dome of mine that I don’t know where to begin.

You know folks have always thought that I was a strong independent black female. And I’ve always accepted that truth. And there is some truth in it. But what if I shared with you all the things that I’ve had to endure. What if I told you how I’ve had two failed marriages. What if I told you how I’ve lied. What if told you how I’ve cheated. What if I told you that there were times when I felt like I was a bad mother. That there were times when I felt less than. What if I shared with you how anxiety attacked me so hard that I peed myself in public; more than once. What if I told you that I’ve wanted to kill myself. What if I shared all the darkness in my life, would you still think I was a strong independent woman?

I think there is a poem that says that life ain’t been no walk in the park for me. Or something like that. And it hasn’t. I’ve been hurt and I’ve hurt. I’ve gone to dark places and tasted death but here I am to write this blog.

I dont know how strong I am but what I will say is that I thank Jesus for life. I thank Jesus for my journey. I thank Jesus for being with me every step of the way. I thank Jesus that he’s giving me the strength to speak about my life issues as a way to help myself and hopefully others.

Come back and visit and talk to me as I continue to open up and prove that some of the very foundations that we were taught or learned along the way were false. Or shall I say it’s all subjective. I’m in control of my own happiness moving forward. I won’t be confined. I will no longer keep quiet and worry about folks speaking about me. If I can help someone else with my life stories I’m here to tell it all.

Stay with me and help me help us all on this journey to authenticity.

#life #death #strong #weak #journey #jesus #faith #anxiety #suicide #independent #happy #authentic

10 Tips for Getting the Most from Your Mentor

How can a mentor improve your business and career advancement? Many ways: A mentor can guide you, take you under his wing and teach you new skills. Research has shown that mentoring relationships succeed and are satisfying for both parties when both the mentor and the person being mentored take an active role in developing the relationship.

Here are 10 tips you can implement to ensure you get what you need out of the relationship.

  1. Be clear on why you want a mentor and why you are meeting.
    Define what type of help you’re looking for in a mentor. Are you looking for someone with similar skills or someone with a very different skill set who can coach you? Are you looking for someone who has gone up the corporate ladder and can advise you on the ins and outs of corporate politics?
  2. Establish goals for the relationship.
    Discuss and agree upon the goals of the relationship and what you, personally, are doing to make it a successful venture. Review these goals from time to time to be sure the relationship is working; if not, adjust and refocus.
  3. Network, network and network to find a suitable mentor.
    Once you decide on the type of mentor you need, participate in functions and professional associations where you might find this type of person. For example, scour your chamber of commerce events, alumni and professional associations or even your owncompany. If you do choose someone from your own firm, it’s best to select someone other than your direct supervisor.
  4. Don’t limit yourself to one mentor.
    You can establish multiple mentoring relationships with individuals who can help you grow in different aspects of your life. Think of it as building your own personal board of directors. Also, don’t underestimate the value of a ‘peer mentor’ or someone at your level who has complimentary skills and experiences — even if you think you’re on the same level, you can learn a lot from their previous experiences.
  5. Establish communication methods and frequency of contact from the beginning.
    Talk with your mentor to determine the lines of communication that will work for both of you. Will you meet face to face or communicate mainly through e-mail and the telephone? Make sure you meet/talk enough to suit both of you.
  6. Manage expectations and build trust.
    Mentoring takes time and implies sacrifices for both the person being mentored and the mentor. Be respectful of your mentor’s time and the other priorities in her life, such as family, travel and community activities. Avoid any trust-breaking behaviors such as canceling appointments or not following through on leads and contacts given to you by your mentor.
  7. Acquire mentoring skills and competencies.
    Pay attention to great skills that you notice in your mentors; these skills include listening, guidance, recommendations and wisdom. When you receive corrective feedback from your mentor, don’t be defensive. Listen, digest and take immediate steps to apply what you have learned.
  8. Be respectful of your mentor’s time.
    Do not overburden him by demanding too much time or too many contacts. Understand that the moment you decide you need information might not be the best time for him, so be patient.
  9. Express your gratitude.
    Your mentor is likely to give a lot more than you do in the relationship in terms of time and contacts. Be sure to express regularly that you value and appreciate your mentor’s guidance.
  10. Vary the activities you do together.
    There are numerous activities you can do with your mentor, such as talking about your past experiences, goals, plans, and skill development and attending meetings, conferences, and other events. You can also shadow your mentor at work or exchange and discuss written materials like your resume or an article one of you has written.

Today I Cried

Today I cried.  It felt so good.  I needed that.  I had been holding so much in the inside trying to be so strong for everyone else.  But today I broke down.  So many emotions and feelings.  Some were of anger, pain, hurt, feelings of betrayal, loneliness, happiness, thankfulness to mention a few.  I can’t really tell you everything that I was feeling.  But I know I was able to vent to Soror Nedra.  My oh my you talking about  “we help each other for we know there’s no other like our sisterhood” that is what sisters are for.  I so appreciate her for just lending me her ear for a few minutes.  Sometimes thats all it takes is a few minutes.

Then my cousin Nikki texted me and I was able to really just tell it all to her since she knows everything.  And it was as if I was in the counselors chair.  I just poured it all out.  And then came the tears.  I tried to hold my head up and not make a sound because I didn’t want my boys to hear me.  But it just came out.  I had no control.  I don’t know if you have ever been in the spirit and tried to come out and you couldn’t.  Well that is what happen to me today.  I so needed that.  Because I’ve not been to therapy in almost a year now. 

Sometimes keeping yourself busy to not focus on your problems doesn’t work.  And I know for me I have to be strong for so many that I have to put myself off often times.  But how many of us know that you MUST take care of yourself before you can take care of others.  Thus the reason why the flight attendants tell you to put your mask on before you help your child or anyone else.

I don’t celebrate holidays.  However Thanksgiving is just one of those days that I think you are just supposed to be surrounded by loves ones.  It’s such an emotional day for me.  And this morning something so strong came over me.  It was so overwhelming.  But again I thank the Lord on today for just placing someone in my life that allowed me to vent. 

I don’t know about you but my battles start in my mind.  That is where the devil tries to get the best of me.  But how many of you know that he is defeated on today?  He doesn’t have the victory over my mind nor my body nor my soul.  But Jesus made a way of escape for me today just as he promised.  You know I love me some Jesus.  I really do.  I can’t tell you all that he’s done for me because I would be writing for days.  But when I tell you that he is a healer, that he is a friend, that he is a life line, that he is a keeper, that he is long-suffering, that he is patient, but also he chastises me as well.  And I appreciate him for that alone.  I thank him for getting on to me when I’m out of line.  I thank him that I have an ear to hear when he is getting on to me.

You know I have so much to be thankful for on today.  Not because its Thanksgiving but because when I didn’t want to live any more he told me that “THIS IS NOT UNTIL MY DEATH” when I wanted to just give up he wouldn’t allow me and because of that I’ve seen one child off to the US Army, I have one graduating next year and I’m raising my last one with love and patience as well.  I’m so glad that I’m still around to talk to them and tell that I love them and that I’m here for them.  I’m just so grateful on today.  Not only has he allowed me to raise my children; he has allowed me to be a positive force in so many youth today.  And for that I’m grateful as well.  My soul rejoices in him tonight.  I’m happy in Jesus tonight.  He has truly been a wonder in my soul!!!

Venting Via my Blog

My heart is so heavy right now!  I guess I should have never gone on that youtube site to look at the teenager being beat in Chicago.  Initially I had just heard of it and was reading the media outlets.  But after watching it you have to be dead not to feel something.  I just don’t know what to say or do.

Anyone that knows me knows that I love the kids.  I love working with them and encouraging them.  One day while in Atlanta on my way to my sister house we saw three little girls and three little boys going into the bushes at around midnight.  I spoke in a loud voice asking LaVerne to stop so that I could tell the little girls not to go into the woods this time of night with those little boys.  I knew they were up to no good.  But she said no.  She said that she wasn’t getting involved.  I believe that this was in June.  Just recently last week I had a dream that those girls were found dead.

One day I was in the Mall with Reggie and we saw this little boy with is his pants sagging.  I asked Reggie to say something to the little boy and he said no.  So I was going to say something to him instead and Reggie pulled me away and said Sandra come one and leave people alone.

I have a mentee that is a teenage mom (and so was I) that I work with.  One day she told me about her baby daddy hitting on her and I was driving around South Dallas trying to find this kid to speak to him.

These are just a few of the situations I’m sharing with you all now.  But there are so many more.  Its a sad day when the adults are afraid to chastise the youth today because of fear of them hurting us.  I remember when I was coming up my elementary teacher Ms. Hill would pull my ears because I had a big mouth and was always running it.  My oh my when I saw her heading towards my desk I knew I was in for that ear to be pulled red.  My granny didn’t say a word because she knew Ms. Hill was making sure that I got my lesson.  We have moved away from this as a nation.  No one wants the teachers to discipline the children although they are at the school 8 hours a day.  Then when they get home we so tired or so occupied on facebook and other things that we don’t pay them any attention either.  So  you have these kids with hours of no chastisement, no structure, no discipline, but yet we expect them to be the next President Obama.  Probably not gone happen.  Even the bible says that Jesus Chastised those that he loved.

It’s in my heart to help young people.  They have so many options today.   Do you know that all children of all backgrounds and socio-economic status can attend Harvard??  When I was a child Harvard was not even in my vocabulary.  But look at our children today.  The sky is the limit.  Often times they don’t even know this. That is why the shoot for some dreams.  That is way they take the easy way out.   So someone must tell them.  How come we don’t have more lawyers, doctors, Accountant, Engineers, CEOs, CFOs, COOs?  Because we are not showing them how to get into these fields.  But we shower them with the latest video games, the latest clothes, we allow them to have all those stupid hair cuts, color in your hair.  People we must tighten our shot groups and take our kids back!!!  It’s too simple!!!

I believe that our youth are hurting for many reasons.  You have some that are from single parent homes, some have been molested by family members that they looked up too, some are intimidated by other kids being placed higher then them, some are jealous over material things, some have learning disabilities that we are overlooking, some are missing their fathers, some have drug habits, some were carried by parents that were doing drugs while they were in the womb.  So many other factors come into play.  Our  babies need help.  Some are adults now that never got the help that they needed.

The system is going to put them in jail, what will that solve?  Some are going to get the death penalty, what will that solve?  Some we will let just wither away, what will that solve?  I don’t know what to do and I don’t know all the answers.  All my life I’ve been a lover of numbers.  But I’m human and I hurt when I see my young people going through.  I don’t care what color they are.  I’m a soldier and I’m green.  I’ve lived all over the world and I love people.  I love children.  I’m telling you that they need love.  And more love and then some more love!!!  But they also need discipline, they need structure, we can’t be their friends.  That is clearly not working.

What are we going to do?  I don’t know so if someone wants to help me please let me know.  I can start by offering them The Sandra Parks School of Etiquette.  You can find us on line at http://www.sandraparksschoolofetiquette.com or call 972.838.0106